And you should listen to him, because if anyone knows about bad ratings, it’s that guy (they could release them into the sea)

“Donald Trump hasn’t been this nervous about signing something since Don Junior’s birth certificate.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s also sweet that, even in the middle of the biggest sex scandal in the history of the American presidency, he takes precious time on the toilet to post about our show. Keeps saying we have bad ratings. And you should listen to him, because if anyone knows about bad ratings, it’s that guy.” — Jimmy Kimmel, before showing a montage of news clips about Trump’s falling poll numbers

“President Trump signed a bill into law last night that orders the Justice Department to release the Epstein files, and the legislation includes several loopholes. For example, they could release them into the sea.” — Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico (This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage)

"Scientists say they have developed a car that can run on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf of Mexico." –Jay Leno

"This has become quite a story; the Washington Post reported that Mitt Romney, while in high school, bullied a gay classmate. Did you hear about this story? In his defense, Romney said that he didn't know the kid was gay; he just thought he was poor." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin and President Bush have new books coming out this fall. You know what that means? This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Trump immediately made him the ambassador to the Vatican (Let's get this straight)

Pope Leo's brother's been reposting on X calling Nancy Pelosi a quote drunk c-word, end quote. Which isn't fair. She’s not always drunk. After seeing this President Trump immediately made him the ambassador to the Vatican. —Greg Gutfeld

North Carolina Congressman Tim Moore has posted a video of a secret tunnel beneath the Capitol building. So I guess we now know where Maxine Waters breeds the possums for her wigs. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Exactly where am I supposed to put these things? (Kamala, you take this one)

“In response to the crash, today, President Biden delivered a speech and assured Americans they can have confidence that the banking system is safe. Hearing from Biden actually did make me feel better because you know if it were really bad, he would've been like, ‘Kamala, you take this one.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Some more business news, I heard that Apple is working on AirPods that can improve your hearing, monitor your posture, and take your temperature. Take your temperature? People are like, ‘Exactly where am I supposed to put these things?’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But all they do is plug your Tesla into the hot dog roller (Kiss me, I'm indicted)

March 2023

“Yeah, everyone's talking about this — following the recent bank crashes, President Biden has asked Congress for more authority to punish bank executives. Then Bernie Sanders picked up some brass knuckles and said, — [As Sanders] ‘Or I can just handle it myself.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Some more big news -- I read that law enforcement agencies are preparing for the possibility that, as early as next week, former President Trump could be indicted. Which is why Trump is currently packing for spring break in Switzerland.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I think even Trump knows it's coming because today he was walking around in a green shirt that said, ‘Kiss me, I'm indicted.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, March Madness is in full swing and one of the big upsets, so far, was 15 seed Princeton knocking off number 2 Arizona. Everyone in Princeton was acting pretty cocky and that was even before the game started.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You guys, get this -- 7-Eleven just announced that they are launching a huge new electric vehicle charging network. It's perfect if you've ever been at 7-Eleven and thought, ‘I want to stay here for 60 minutes.’ It sounds high-tech, but all they do is plug your Tesla into the hot dog roller.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”