in lieu of sending flowers (but that's what Diddy would do)

Sean Combs was sentenced on Friday to four years in prison. And I'll be honest, it's hard for me to enjoy watching someone I love get punished, but that's what Diddy would do. —Michael Che

Kamala Harris has released a new book that explains how she lost the 2024 election. It’s called I'm a Black Lady. —Michael Che

Chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall has died at the age of 91. The family requests that in lieu of sending flowers, please throw feces. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I am an activist nurse (whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson)

An ex-girlfriend of Sean Diddy Combs testified they would use the names of famous NBA players as codes for sex acts. Yeah, so whatever you do don't ask about the Magic Johnson. —Greg Gutfeld

Soap made out of actress Sydney Sweeney's bathwater is being resold online for as much as $1,600. Meanwhile Joy Behar's bathwater is replacing tear gas to disperse angry rioters. —Greg Gutfeld

Republicans beat the Democrats in the congressional baseball game by a score of 13-2. The game was almost cancelled when Congresswoman Rashida Talib suggested they play shirts against skins. But the game ended up being delayed when someone mistook Nancy Pelosi's face for a catcher's mitt. The game had to be stopped at the second inning when Jerry Nadler started grazing on the outfield grass. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, where are you going to find 12 people who haven't had sex with Diddy? (planes can just follow the smell)

A new report shows that there have been at least nine incidents at Newark Airport where air-traffic controllers have lost contact with planes that were about to land. But luckily, it's Newark, so planes can just follow the smell. —Colin Jost

The first week of jury selection in the Sean Combs trial has ended without a jury being selected. Well, yeah, I mean, where are you going to find 12 people who haven't had sex with Diddy? —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which is just incredible grip strength for a guy coated in baby oil (finish her!)

A woman has filed a lawsuit against Diddy, accusing him of assault and dangling her off a 17 story balcony, which is just incredible grip strength for a guy coated in baby oil. —Colin Jost

A man in Canada saved his wife after a polar bear lunged at her and he leapt onto the bear's back, shouting, finish her! —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

as soon as he nominates new surgeon general Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable (Diddy for attorney general)

“See, the thing is, Donald Trump did this wrong. He did it in the wrong order. First, you nominate Diddy for attorney general, then Matt Gaetz.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“This Gaetz situation is a setback for Trump, but it’ll all be forgotten as soon as he nominates new surgeon general Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Police say they will look into the matter and figure out which officer did it (he celebrated the same way he always does)

A new report shows that after Donald Trump was elected, the wealth of the world's ten richest people grew by more than $60 billion. The richest people immediately got richer. But don't worry, I'm sure yours is coming soon, Earl. —Michael Che

Black and Brown students in Nyack, New York, reported receiving spam text messages saying they were selected to pick cotton. Police say they will look into the matter and figure out which officer did it. —Michael Che

Sean Diddy Combs celebrated his 55th birthday in jail this week. And if what they say about prison is true, he celebrated the same way he always does. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, R Kelly songs are good (honey, tell me what's wrong)

Donald Trump said this week that Americans will travel to Mars in his next term, probably to get an abortion. —Colin Jost

Sean Combs, his defense attorney, also argued that his client is not like R Kelly. First of all, never a great sign when the first person you compare your client to is R Kelly. But I have to agree. It's true. Diddy is nothing like our Kelly. I mean, R Kelly songs are good. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”