I don’t even like to say Billy Bush! (The four morons of the apocalypse)

Donald Trump is still under fire for the lewd and offensive tape that was released last week which he referred to as “locker-room talk.” Well now pro athletes are speaking out against this, saying that’s not how they speak in the locker room. While Tim Tebow said, “I don’t even like to say ‘Billy Bush!’” –Jimmy Fallon

The third movie in the “Thor” series is going to be called “Thor: Ragnarok.” Mainly because calling it “Thor Three” would give everyone a speech impediment. "Theriously?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which means it’s six more weeks of dictatorship (stocking up on eyeliner)

“Well, speaking of President Trump, after not being seen in public for several days, today he appeared in the Oval Office, which means it’s six more weeks of dictatorship.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Today Trump claimed that he was unaware of online theories that he’s sick. He said he’s too focused on real issues, like the Cracker Barrel logo.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I’ll know something’s actually wrong with Trump when JD Vance starts stocking up on eyeliner.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we can absolutely see right through him (the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein)

“Whatever is in those Epstein files must be really f*cking bad. They must be finding so many mentions of Trump they’re going to have to change the name to the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein.” —Seth Meyers

“I honestly think we’re just one Epstein story away from Trump announcing that UFOs are real.” —Seth Meyers

At a recent JD Vance event in Ohio, the vice-president was asked about the Jeffrey Epstein files that are still dogging Trump. Vance said Trump has been “incredibly transparent about that stuff”. And I agree – we can absolutely see right through him. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wonder if y'all see the swindle yet? (it gave a**holes an excuse to be themselves)

Over the weekend, Californians raged at Vice President JD Vance and his family as they visited Disneyland. Kamala Harris said, "I'm going to get to the bottom of this,” while holding a bottle of Jack Daniels. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump says he's considering taking away Rosie O'Donnell's US citizenship. He claims it's the best way to prevent the return of mad cow disease. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new study, keeping active slashes the risk of death from any cause by up to 40%. Does chewing count, asked Chris Christie? —Greg Gutfeld

If Covid was great at one thing, it gave assholes an excuse to be themselves. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio (Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers)

I am especially excited that Prevost was raised in Chicago, which means I can no longer imitate the pope using an Italian accent. From now on, the pope is going to sound like this: ‘Hey there, it’s your buddy Leo. The deep dish Papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help the White Sox, sorry. First order of business, I’ll be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers.’ —Stephen Colbert

The Vatican’s got that new pope smell! Robert Francis Prevost will become the first American pope. The thing about becoming pope is that you also have to leave your old name behind, which works out great for him, because I’m pretty sure Prevost is also the name of a weight loss medication. Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio. —Stephen Colbert

And Colbert was most excited about the fact that Prevost once criticized JD Vance, the vice-president, on Twitter, posting: “JD Vance is wrong: Jesus doesn’t ask us to rank our love for others.” Holy Father, you had me at JD Vance is wrong. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

National Beer Day (I'll drink to that)

So yesterday is National Beer Day, which means today is how do I get Lizzo out of my bed day. —Greg Gutfeld

The Supreme Court has cleared the way for Venezuelan deportations to resume. Now how will The Squad get laid? —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile JD Vance hosted his mom at the White House to celebrate her 10 years of sobriety. "I'll drink to that," said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

Donald Trump met with the world champion Los Angeles Dodgers at the White House where Trump used the opportunity to deport Shohei Ohtani. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we're referring to her skills as a gardener (beating out their usual choice, the dentist)

Jasmine Crockett claimed her Hot Wheels remark about Texas Governor Greg Abbott wasn't about his wheelchair. Yeah, and when we call her a lousy hoe we're referring to her skills as a gardener. —Greg Gutfeld

The British media are claiming that JD Vance is the most dangerous man in the world, beating out their usual choice, the dentist. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's a lie, it’s Gin (it sounds like Don Lemon is taking Trump's presidency really hard)

When asked how he's doing the job differently than Kamala Harris, JD Vance joked that he doesn't have four shots of vodka before every meeting. An outraged Harris replied "That's a lie, it’s Gin.” —Greg Gutfeld

A Florida man's been arrested after sending President Trump disturbing messages calling him the Antichrist, with one saying "Fight me naked until the death." Well it sounds like Don Lemon is taking Trump's presidency really hard. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I know someone twice as good! Every night he has two dreams! (Favorite Nursery Rhyme?)

Ahead of next week’s vice-presidential debate, the transportation secretary, Pete Buttigieg, has reportedly been playing the Ohio senator JD Vance in debate prep sessions. He’s been getting into character by looking in the mirror each morning and telling himself that he’s going to hell. —Seth Meyers    

A cat that went missing during their owners’ trip to Yellowstone national park was found in California, more than 900 miles away. That story is pretty unbelievable. Who brings their cat on vacation?! —Seth Meyers  

Donald Trump endorsed Mark Robinson, the scandal-plagued Republican candidate for governor of North Carolina. In multiple appearances, Trump praised Robinson, who is Black, saying: “I’ve gotten to know him so well.” He also described Robinson as a “fine wine”, “Martin Luther King on steroids” and “Martin Luther King times two”.  Trump is really truly amazing. Everyone agrees Martin Luther King is a great person, but only Trump would say ‘I know someone twice as good! Every night he has two dreams!’ —Seth Meyers   

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it’s the same bus the Democrats threw President Biden under (This is why I always sign a prenup)

“Meanwhile, ahead of the Democratic National Convention, Kamala Harris and Tim Walz are taking a bus tour together through Pennsylvania. Yeah, and this is interesting — this is interesting — it’s the same bus the Democrats threw President Biden under.” — Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new report, former President Trump is furious at his campaign staff for letting him make the ‘terrible decision of picking JD Vance as his V.P.’ Yeah, Trump regrets pairing up with Vance. He’s like, ‘This is why I always sign a prenup.’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What? How many? (this is the picture you’d tape to your fridge!)

The 39-year-old JD Vance, was once an adamant never-Trumper. But he changed his tune to get Trump’s endorsement in 2022, and now he’s full-metal Maga. In fact, he’s been called the ‘Maga heir-in-waiting’.” Colbert as Trump: ‘He’s like the son I never had. What? How many? OK, then he’s the bearded son I never had. What? How many?!’ —Stephen Colbert

The lowlight of the RNC convention was a bizarre confrontation on the convention floor between former speaker Kevin McCarthy and Congressman Matt Gaetz. Gaetz, who led the charge to remove McCarthy as speaker, barged in during McCarthy’s live TV interview on the convention floor to tell him he would get booed off the stage. McCarthy, who has publicly reiterated charges that Gaetz had sexual relations with minors, again stated the ethics complaints against Gaetz on live TV. If you have dirty laundry in your past, maybe don’t barge in on live TV interviews. McCarthy also told Gaetz: “Don’t be an asshole.” Excuse me. Are you telling this guy not to be an asshole? Would you tell the sun not to shine, or the grass not to grow? Would you tell the surf not to crash on the shore? Look at that guy! That is a perfect central casting asshole! If you were a decent person, and you were about to embark on a year-long campaign to try and become the best asshole you could ever be, this is the picture you’d tape to your fridge! —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if he can say all that and still get picked for vice-president, I figure I’ve got a chance at secretary of state at least (any similarity begins and ends with face paint)

Donald Trump has picked the Ohio senator JD Vance as his running mate, despite the fact that Vance once called him a ‘moral disaster’, and said that he could be ‘America’s Hitler’. Damn, if he can say all that and still get picked for vice-president, I figure I’ve got a chance at secretary of state at least. —Seth Meyers

The New Jersey senator Bob Menendez was found guilty on all 16 counts in his federal corruption case, including bribery, extortion and wire fraud. Or, as they call those in New Jersey, waste management. —Seth Meyers

At the Republican convention, the North Carolina lieutenant governor, Mark Robinson, called Trump “the Braveheart of our time”. Personally, I think any similarity begins and ends with face paint. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When have you ever said something like that about somebody and then changed your mind? (It was four, but OJ died)

Hello, I’m Martin Short and I’ll be taking over as guest host of Jimmy’s show for the week while he’s on vacation. Jimmy isn’t here, but was he ever really? There was always something missing behind his eyes. But Jimmy needs a break – if there’s anyone who deserves the summer off after working hard all year, it’s talkshow hosts and teachers, in that order. —Martin Short

I guess Jimmy would begin his monologue talking about Donald Trump. I guess you can’t go to Outback Steakhouse without ordering the Bloomin’ Onion. Trump has said he is close to naming his running mate, having narrowed down the field to three people. It was four, but OJ died. —Martin Short

What a choice Trump has in his tiny little hands. The first pick is Doug Burgum, governor of North Dakota, who sounds like the name of your most annoying co-worker. Then there’s Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, who once called Trump a con artist. Or should we go to doormat No 3, Ohio senator JD Vance, who said he thought Trump was either a cynical asshole like Nixon or America’s Hitler. When have you ever said something like that about somebody and then changed your mind? —Martin Short

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”