highly doable condition (noodle package)

No one was hurt, everyone’s fine, but over the weekend, Leonardo DiCaprio and his model girlfriend were in a fender bender. DiCaprio and his girlfriend are being listed in highly doable condition. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that the biggest currency in prison now is not cigarettes, but ramen. Just make sure to clarify the next time your cellmate asks to hold your noodle package. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Four out of five citizens love democracy! (go down with a sinking ship)

For his running mate, Donald Trump says he’s looking for someone with experience in areas he doesn’t have. So right now Trump is looking for someone who can run a profitable casino. –Conan O’Brien

It was reported today that Donald Trump Jr.’s wife once dated Leonardo DiCaprio. In other words, she’s used to being with guys who go down with a sinking ship. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just would like to congratulate Lindsay Lohan on her recent promotion (What stage of capitalism is this?)

Scientists just named a newly discovered beetle after Leonardo DiCaprio. Unfortunately, it froze in the ocean after the beetle’s girlfriend wouldn’t share part of a leaf — even though there was CLEARLY room on the leaf for both of them. --Jimmy Fallon

"After bin Laden was killed, the FBI updated its most wanted list. So on behalf of everyone here, I just would like to congratulate Lindsay Lohan on her recent promotion." –Jimmy Fallon

It was almost 90 degrees in New York City today! It was so hot, President Trump’s lawyer spent the day fanning himself with hush money. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio (Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers)

I am especially excited that Prevost was raised in Chicago, which means I can no longer imitate the pope using an Italian accent. From now on, the pope is going to sound like this: ‘Hey there, it’s your buddy Leo. The deep dish Papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help the White Sox, sorry. First order of business, I’ll be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now, let’s end by saying daaaaaaa prayers.’ —Stephen Colbert

The Vatican’s got that new pope smell! Robert Francis Prevost will become the first American pope. The thing about becoming pope is that you also have to leave your old name behind, which works out great for him, because I’m pretty sure Prevost is also the name of a weight loss medication. Prevost chose the name Pope Leo XIV, in honor of Leonardo of Caprio. —Stephen Colbert

And Colbert was most excited about the fact that Prevost once criticized JD Vance, the vice-president, on Twitter, posting: “JD Vance is wrong: Jesus doesn’t ask us to rank our love for others.” Holy Father, you had me at JD Vance is wrong. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs Los Angeles Kings

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wow, even they don’t want to see Snow White (Leave my future wife out of this)

Doge says that millions of dollars in unemployment claims have gone to people who aren't even born yet. "Leave my future wife out of this," said Leonardo DiCaprio. —Greg Gutfeld

China is threatening to block Hollywood movies in retaliation to Trump's tariffs. Wow, even they don’t want to see Snow White. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the judge will ask them to tell a story with only the relevant details (all she needs to do is wait a few weeks/Road Closed)

This week a biotech startup got FDA approval to develop a drug to make dogs live longer guaranteeing at least another season of The View. —Greg Gutfeld

The Olympic Track and Field Governing Body announced it will perform tests on female athletes to make sure that they are biological women. So what’s the test? Well the judge will ask them to tell a story with only the relevant details. —Greg Gutfeld

Italian model Victoria Seretti says it's annoying when people call her Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend. Well fortunately at age 26 all she needs to do is wait a few weeks. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, call me when you have one that simulates MAKING one (the spectrum)

A new report suggests that soon, gasoline will be cheaper than water. And in Flint, Michigan, it will be healthier than water. –Conan O’Brien

Nintendo is releasing a video game that lets you simulate taking care of a baby. When they heard this, gamers said, “Hey, call me when you have one that simulates MAKING one.” –Conan O’Brien

Today, Leonardo DiCaprio met with Pope Francis. In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum". –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess that’s what happens when you try and scatter your own remains (learner’s permit)

President Biden took a post-election stroll on the beach and stumbled multiple times during his walk. I guess that’s what happens when you try and scatter your own remains. —Greg Gutfeld

Leonardo DiCaprio turns 50 today. He celebrated by taking his girlfriend to get her learner’s permit. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

highly doable condition (OK, OK, it’s pot)

No one was hurt, everyone’s fine, but over the weekend, Leonardo DiCaprio and his model girlfriend were in a fender bender. DiCaprio and his girlfriend are being listed in highly doable condition. –Conan O’Brien

Scientists have discovered a painkiller that will not cause addiction. When asked for details about this miracle drug, scientists said, "OK, OK, it’s pot." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Four out of five citizens love democracy! (the spectrum)

Yesterday, Donald Trump threatened to send federal troops to Chicago. The weird part is, not the city, the band Chicago. –Conan O’Brien

Today, Leonardo DiCaprio met with Pope Francis. In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum" –Conan O’Brien

Ted Cruz has been joined on the campaign trail by former candidate Gov. Rick Perry. So in other words, Ted Cruz is the No. 1 choice of the guy who was nobody’s choice. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They are being listed in highly doable condition (This explains quite a lot)

No one was hurt, everyone’s fine, but over the weekend, Leonardo DiCaprio and his model girlfriend were in a fender bender. DiCaprio and his girlfriend are being listed in highly doable condition. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has been saying that Hillary Clinton looks unwell. Trump then admitted he thinks any woman over 35 looks like she’s dying. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Unfortunately those are three things you don’t want to be when you go to prison (open, transparent, and innocent)

President Trump tweeted that his son Donald Jr. is "open, transparent, and innocent." Unfortunately those are three things you don’t want to be when you go to prison. –Conan O’Brien

Today President Trump tweeted that his son Donald Jr. is "open, transparent, and innocent." Which is why President Trump is now demanding a paternity test. –Conan O’Brien

It was reported today that Donald Trump Jr.’s wife once dated Leonardo DiCaprio. In other words, she’s used to being with guys who go down with a sinking ship. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

At least he knows where to find a good deal on hotels (there was CLEARLY room on the leaf for both of them)

The CEO of Priceline just resigned after it was revealed that he had an affair with an employee. As you can imagine, his wife is pretty mad, but on the bright side, at least he knows where to find a good deal on hotels. –Jimmy Fallon

"Levi Johnston and his girlfriend revealed that they will name their child Breeze Beretta. I can't tell if it's a boy or a girl or a Jamba Juice." –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists just named a newly discovered beetle after Leonardo DiCaprio. Unfortunately, it froze in the ocean after the beetle’s girlfriend wouldn’t share part of a leaf — even though there was CLEARLY room on the leaf for both of them. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey man, that’s the key to every party (those two are known as "the spectrum")

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

An analyst for Time magazine says the key to the survival of the Republican Party is bringing in young women. When told this, Bill Clinton said, "Hey man, that’s the key to every party." –Conan O’Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

Today, Leonardo DiCaprio met with Pope Francis. In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum". –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she’s used to being with guys who go down with a sinking ship (Find the others)

"I don't know if you're following this, but earlier today, in Vatican City, President Obama had a historic meeting with Pope Benedict XVI. Or, as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama Caught With Old Man in Dress.'" --Conan O'Brien

"But General Motors announced that they are out of bankruptcy after selling nearly 10,000 Camaros. At a press conference, the head of GM said, 'Thank goodness for coke dealers.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Latest rumor in the entertainment industry is that Sarah Palin may be getting her own TV show. Experts say it will be perfect for TV viewers who find Paula Abdul too coherent." --Conan O'Brien

It was reported today that Donald Trump Jr.’s wife once dated Leonardo DiCaprio. In other words, she’s used to being with guys who go down with a sinking ship. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say this is a slippery slope to dental care (But freedom is dead)

"Sarah Palin said, 'Obama lies, freedom dies.' And then she and Todd got on their snowmobile, road across the tundra, shooting anything they want with a machine gun.' But freedom is dead." –Bill Maher

"The Tea Party is furious that Obamacare became the law of the land. They say this is a slippery slope to dental care." –Bill Maher

"This is who the Democrats brought out last night -- James Bond was there, Leo DiCaprio, Diane Keaton, Steven Spielberg. Now, not to be outdone, this was who John McCain was campaigning with last week -- Wilford Brimley, the Quaker Oats dude. They are a little celebrity challenged. John McCain must have said to his staff, 'Find me someone who makes me look young. Make up a short list of people who are older than me.' And they said, 'Sir, that is a short list. Joan Rivers doesn't want to do it, and we're not sure if Abe Vigoda is dead.'" --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Flying monkeys and a witch (There were three Spidermen in it!)

February 2022

“I am taking issue with the 2022 Oscar nominations that were announced on Tuesday morning, which did not include a nod for last year’s biggest blockbuster, Spider-Man: No Way Home. How did that not get one of the ten nominations for best picture? There were only 11 movies made this year Forget the fact that the movie made $750m and is still going – this is a great movie. It wasn’t in the top 10 best movies of the year? There were three Spidermen in it!” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I am particularly annoyed that Spider-Man, starring Tom Holland and Zendaya, was snubbed in favor of such ‘serious’ movies as Don’t Look Up, a darkly comic parable for climate emergency directed by Adam McKay. You’re telling me Don’t Look Up was better than Spider-Man? It most certainly was not. When did we decide that the best picture has to be serious? As far as I know, this was not the point of feature film when they started making them. Ben-Hur? Chariots and leprosy. Frankenstein? A monster powered by lightning. Fantasia? Mickey Mouse on an acid trip. The Wizard of Oz? Flying monkeys and a witch. These are great Oscar-worthy movies!” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Now, there’s nothing wrong with a serious movie, a lot of them are fantastic and worthy of Oscars. But why do they have to be serious, is what I’m saying. When did that become a prerequisite for getting nominated for an Academy Award? Here’s what happened. The Academy voters, they looked at the list, they saw the names Leo DiCaprio and Meryl Streep, they checked that box, and then they put their kids in the car and they went to see the movie Spider-Man, and they loved it.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum" (Loving, Touching, Squeezing)

At last week’s Republican debate, Ted Cruz accused Donald Trump of having "New York values." Trump said that’s ridiculous, then, overcharged Cruz for a bagel. –Conan O’Brien

"A group of TSA agents has formed a choir to entertain travelers as they go through security. It's not helping that the only song they sing is Journey's 'Loving, Touching, Squeezing.'" –Conan O'Brien

Today, Leonardo DiCaprio met with Pope Francis. In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum." –Conan O’Brien

Today, in his last full day in office, President Obama commuted the sentences of 330 prisoners. After hearing this, Melania Trump said, “I hope I’m one of them.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's almost as if it works or something (Oh, my balls!)

It was reported today that Martha Stewart will team up with the world's largest legal-marijuana producer to develop a new line of cannabis products. And her next cookbook is just gonna be a bunch of takeout menus stapled together. --Seth Meyers

A food-delivery man was recently arrested after allegedly dipping his testicles into a container of salsa that a customer ordered because he was only tipped 89 cents. Police became suspicious when the man yelled, "Oh, my balls! Oh! Oh, my balls! Oh, I hope someone orders hummus." --Seth Meyers

Lawmakers in North Carolina are considering a bill that would change the standard for a failing grade in public schools from anything less than 59% to anything lower than 39%. Said North Carolina students, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! 39 is less than 59?" --Seth Meyers

Victoria's Secret announced yesterday it will be closing more than 50 of its North American stores this year. "But where will I go when I want new ones?", said Leonardo DiCaprio about his girlfriends. --Seth Meyers

Republican Representative Jim Jordan claimed today that Michael Cohen is only speaking out against President Trump because he is upset he was not given a job in the White House. Because everyone knows that getting a job in the White House can be a solid source of income for weeks. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”