Why are all these young people still living at home? (Perhaps so)

"The New York Times says that John McCain had a close, personal relationship with a beautiful, young, female lobbyist. Do you believe this? Think about it. A senator, who's a Republican having sex with a woman." --Jay Leno

 

"Sarah Palin was also asked if we might have to go to war with Russia, and she said, 'Perhaps so.' Isn't that like a magic eight ball kind of answer?" --Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich has a new campaign slogan: 'Now hiring!' Sixteen of Gingrich's top staff quit last week, and today, two of his top fundraisers quit. He's not even president and he's already raising the unemployment rate." –Jay Leno

 

"President Bush, talking about the port deal said, ‘we Americans have nothing to fear from the Dubai government running our ports’. I know a good way for President Bush to convince everyone of that -- let the Dubai government handle his security. Hey if it's good enough for us, it should be good enough for him." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

We're going to build a dome and make Mars pay for it (No wonder it's illegal)

January 2023

“In a new video, former president Trump said that if re-elected, he would protect the U.S. from World War III by building an impenetrable dome over the country.Then Trump said, ‘We're going to build a dome and make Mars pay for it.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Trump was like, ‘Just think of a dome as basically a wall with a comb-over.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Speaking of DeSantis, I saw that he's actively preparing for a possible presidential run, and he hasn't landed on an official slogan yet, but he's trying a few out. First, there’s…DeSantis 2024. Diet Trump. Next there’s…DeSantis 2024. DeAmerica DeTruly DeDeserves DeDeSantis. And finally DeSantis 2024. Make America Florida Again.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Guys, I heard about a New Zealand-bound plane that took off from Dubai, flew for 13 hours, then had to turn around and land back at the same airport.The pilot started his announcement by saying, ‘Okay, so don’t be mad…’ Meanwhile, in America, we're all like, ‘Hey, at least it took off.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You will soon learn that Mommy is a nerd (Pick a position!)

"Scientists now believe that a child's intellectual power, a child's brain power, a child's I.Q., is inherited solely from the mother. All the intelligence of a child comes from the mother. These findings are based on the study of the Bush twins." --Jay Leno

"The White House has given permission for a company owned by the government of Dubai to run six U.S. ports, including the Port of New York. Now Dubai was accused of supporting the September 11th attacks and was one of only three countries to support the Taliban. Now they're going to run the Port of New York. What's next, we'll put Mexico in charge of immigration? How about Dick Cheney in charge of gun safety? Courtney Love in charge of Olympic drug testing?" --Jay Leno

 

"Hillary Clinton said this week that she doesn't agree with either the people who say we should be in Iraq or her friends who say we should be out. Thanks for clearing that up. Think she’s running for president? Even John Kerry said, "Pick a position!" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, once you get inside you can't find your way out (pissing contest)

 "Another way the Oscars will be different this year normally, when a speech goes a little over the orchestra plays them off. This year they're going to have Dick Cheney take them out." --Jay Leno

"President Bush, talking about the port deal, said we Americans have nothing to fear from the Dubai government running our ports. I know a good way for President Bush to convince everyone of that -- let the Dubai government handle his security. Hey if it's good enough for us, it should be good enough for him." --Jay Leno

 

"It was announced today that George Bush's childhood home in Texas has been turned into a museum. Unfortunately, once you get inside you can't find your way out." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now I'm not a mathematician, but if you take 33 and reverse it, isn't it still 33? (The paradise of the rich)

 

"Hillary Clinton now says she didn't know her husband was giving Dubai advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Hillary not knowing what her husband was doing, is that the first time this has happened?" --Jay Leno

 

"We've had so much rain. President Bush declared L.A. a seaport today and handed management over to the city of Dubai." --Jay Leno

"President Bush, this is what he said. He said he's not worried about his approval rating at 33% because he said he promises to reverse those numbers. Now I'm not a mathematician, but if you take 33 and reverse it, isn't it still 33?" -- Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I spent an hour last night rubbing Vick's Vap-o Rub on my parakeet (Should students learn why he wasn't allowed to play?)

June 2014

"This bird flu is scary, are you frightened by this? I spent an hour last night rubbing Vick's Vap-o Rub on my parakeet." --Jay Leno

 

"Listen to this. If any of these jokes bomb tonight, the federal government will step in and bail me out. Whew! Thank goodness." --Jay Leno

 

"Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of Lent. You know what President Bush is giving up for Lent? Our ports." --Jay Leno

"The White House has given permission for a company owned by the government of Dubai to run six U.S. ports, including the Port of New York. Now Dubai was accused of supporting the September 11th attacks and was one of only three countries to support the Taliban. Now they're going to run the Port of New York. What's next, we'll put Mexico in charge of immigration? How about Dick Cheney in charge of gun safety? Courtney Love in charge of Olympic drug testing?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The raptures were the scariest part of Jurassic Park (opening up our public lands for drilling)

"Even as Hillary Clinton was working to try and stop this Dubai port deal, her husband, Bill Clinton, was advising Dubai on how to get the deal through. Forget women, now he's cheating on her with other countries." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'" –Jay Leno

"A family values conservative Republican from Indiana, Mark Souder, has admitted to having an affair with a woman on his staff. Apparently Souder would take this woman to remote locations inside state parks and have sex with her. See, this is what Republicans mean when they talk about opening up our public lands for drilling." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The main course was roasted pig in a lipstick glaze (I'm sorry you can't afford to be alive)

 

"Dubai announced they will sell ownership of the six American ports to another investor. The bad news: It's Iran. This is the biggest setback for the Bush administration, well, all day." –Jay Leno

"And Senator Larry Craig, America's favorite restroom enthusiast, announced he's actually looking for interns who want to work in his office. Here's the creepy part. His advice to anyone who wants to be his intern, 'Think inside the bun.'" --Jay Leno

"I had a great dinner last night. Put on a Barbra Streisand CD, ordered Domino's, saved $28,488. Last night, Barack Obama hosted a dinner with Barbra Streisand singing. It was $28,500 a plate. $28,500 a plate! But, to be fair, that did include an all-you-can-eat salad buffet. That was included. I guess the food was pretty exotic. The main course was roasted pig in a lipstick glaze." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy (his hair has switched from pelt to carpet sample)

"The payroll tax extension passed the House and Senate by unanimous consent. This was a procedural move allowing it to pass, even though most members of congress were already home for the holidays. They weren't even there! Only 12 people out of 535 were there and they got it done. Imagine how much they could do if we got rid of all of them?" –Jay Leno

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush. President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday in New York City, Donald Trump officially changed his political affiliation from Republican to Independent. And Donald's hair has switched from pelt to carpet sample." –Jay Leno

"Things did not go well at the White House St. Patrick's Day party. Did you hear what happened? Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If there's one thing she knows, it's how to spot a guy who's lying (Let's go to Barack for the weather)

"Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson are now tied neck and neck in national polls. Actually, you know, if they were on the ticket together, that would be a tough team for the Democrats to beat. I mean, if they could just get all their ex-wives to vote for them." --Jay Leno

"Last week, it got a little dramatic. Senator Hillary Clinton called General Petraeus a liar. And believe this, if there's one thing she knows, it's how to spot a guy who's lying." --Jay Leno

 

"Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. 'Let's go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.'" --Jay Leno

 

"Actually, they're going to hold off on that Dubai ports deal for 45 days while Congress debates it. 45 days, well that's good. Those problems in the Middle East tend to clear up pretty quickly." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He would have had it inside, but, you know, the bank has foreclosed on it (bird feeders)

"Well, there's a bright side to this for Ken Lay. You know, throughout the years Ken Lay has been a big campaign contributor to the Republican Party. So now, he'll be able to meet with those same people when he goes to prison." --Jay Leno

 

"The Senate voted to make English the national language. More bad news for President Bush. Now he's got to learn that." --Jay Leno

"President Bush has okayed a deal to let the government of Dubai

control six of our major ports. Boy, first Dick Cheney shoots a guy

in the face, now President Bush shoots himself in the foot."

--Jay Leno

"President Bush had a press conference today outside the Oval

Office to talk about the economy. He would have had it inside,

but, you know, the bank has foreclosed on it. " --Jay Leno

 

"A new government study says that millions and millions of dollars of federal money is being wasted every year on frivolous and unnecessary projects. This study was two years in the making, and cost $22 million." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The liberal Fox News warned you about (No word yet on brides)

March 2022

Dubai has opened the Museum of the Future, which attempts to show what the world will be like in 50 years. Let’s just say the museum does not feature a polar bear exhibit. —Michael Che

A new study says that 11% of Americans are afraid of the dark. Especially if that dark is behind them at the ATM. —Michael Che

Serena Williams criticized the New York Times after it mistakenly printed a picture of her sister, Venus Williams, and labeled it Serena. Worse the Times then sent an apology letter to Wendy Williams. —Michael Che

Governors in several states including New Hampshire, Ohio and Utah have banned the sale of Russian-made vodka. No word yet on brides. —Michael Che

Many of the members of congress attending the State of the Union wore blue and yellow to show their support for Ukraine. While Kamala Harris wore all brown to do what she’s done for the past year, disappear into the background. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just because I'm a prick, do I not bleed? (they must wear name tags so we can tell them apart)

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush.

President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal

until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White

House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

"Washington, D.C. hosted a two-day conference called 'The

War on Christianity.' All the usual Christians were there. 

Tom DeLay was there. He said Americans treat Christianity

like some second-rate superstition. Another speaker called

Christians 'the Jews of the 21st century.' To drive home the

issue, Tom DeLay said, 'Just because I'm a prick, do I not

bleed?" --Bill Maher

"New rule: When President Bush meets an autistic teenager,

they must wear name tags so we can tell them apart." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

This study was two years in the making, and cost $22 million (More bad news for President Bush)

"The Senate voted to make English the national language.

More bad news for President Bush. Now he's got to learn that."

--Jay Leno

 

"A new government study says that millions and millions

of dollars of federal money is being wasted every year on

frivolous and unnecessary projects. This study was two

years in the making, and cost $22 million." --Jay Leno

 

"President Bush has okayed a deal to let the government

of Dubai control six of our major ports. Boy, first Dick

Cheney shoots a guy in the face, now President Bush

shoots himself in the foot." --Jay Leno

"President Bush had a press conference today outside the

Oval Office to talk about the economy. He would have had

it inside, but, you know, the bank has foreclosed on it. "

--Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun? (They called it 'white people.')

"First lady Michelle Obama told 'Regis & Kelly' she was expecting jewelry on Valentine's Day. She said it wouldn't be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he's spending his own money." –Jay Leno 

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush. President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

"Things did not go well at the White House St. Patrick's Day party. Did you hear what happened?  Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun." --Jay Leno

"A UCLA study shows 7% of people still believe in the Easter Bunny. I believe these are the same people who believe President Bush is doing a good job in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it 'white people.'" --Jay Leno 

"We're now down to the final four. Not college basketball. The number of people who still think President Bush is doing a good job." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

More than half of those people are Americans (Spread their shame!)

"President Obama signed into law the repeal of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' What does it say about us that we think gay men can handle armed combat, but can't handle marriage?" –Jay Leno

"The census shows there are more than 308 million people living in America. The amazing part is: More than half of those people are Americans." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin's Alaska' has been such a big hit for TLC, they’re trying to get her to do another season. You know who doesn't want Palin to have a second season? Elk." –Jimmy Fallon

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush. President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

that's what happens when Las Vegas and Saudi Arabia have a baby (civil rights free)

"There's big news involving Vice President Dick Cheney's former company Halliburton -- the one that issued him a $34 million severance package. 

They're taking their over $10 billion in ... contracts and moving their headquarters from Houston to Dubai -- a Middle Eastern city that's home to the world's largest shopping mall, the world's tallest hotel, an indoor ski resort with real snow, and an artificial archipelago where you can live on a man-made island in the shape of continents. And the guest workers there are civil rights free. 

How do they do it all while still being a plotting ground for the 9/11 hijackers? Well, let's just say that's what happens when Las Vegas and Saudi Arabia have a baby." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.' (shave his head and enter rehab)

"Halliburton is moving its headquarters to Dubai to avoid paying taxes in the United States. Isn't that crazy -- when did Halliburton start paying taxes?" --Jay Leno

"Do you know why they're moving? Because some members of Congress have started investigating Halliburton for over-billing and for taking too much of American taxpayers' money for doing too little work. Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.'" --Jay Leno

"This just in: Alberto Gonzales has announced he's going to move the Justice Department to Dubai." --Jay Leno

"Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is coming under scrutiny for firing eight U.S. attorneys, apparently for political reasons at the request of the White House. Things are looking so bad for Gonzales that he might have to shave his head and enter rehab." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”