Donations

Showing posts with label Jurassic Park. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jurassic Park. Show all posts

Saturday, May 17, 2025

he's the man to bring a dinosaur to life (nah, not feeling it)


After shaking as many hands as possible in Saudi Arabia President Trump teased Joe Biden for only offering up a fist bump years ago, which is still better than Hunter who offered a bump off his fist. —Greg Gutfeld


According to a new book Biden brought in Steven Spielberg to help his campaign. His staff had just watched Jurassic Park and figured he's the man to bring a dinosaur to life. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Thursday, July 11, 2024

The raptures were the scariest part of Jurassic Park (it's horrible when anyone loses their memory)


"I don't want to say President Bush's approval rating is dropping, but I understand there's a sign outside of Crawford, Texas, that now says, 'Home of Cindy Sheehan.'" --Jay Leno


"A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'" –Jay Leno


"I don't think President Bush fully understands this immigration thing. Like today, when they asked him about amnesty, he said it's horrible when anyone loses their memory." --Jay Leno


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, May 25, 2023

The raptures were the scariest part of Jurassic Park (Look for the helpers)


"Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a maid, and now the kid is mad at her for lying to him all these years. She'd told him his father was an actor." –Jay Leno


"A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'" –Jay Leno


"Arnold Schwarzenegger kept this secret for more than 10 years. You know how he did it? He moved the woman and child into an apartment right down the street from the Pakistani military academy." -Jay Leno


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, April 20, 2023

The two were arrested — surprisingly, not for the murder of my waistline (self-righteous landfill of angry garbage)


They celebrated O’Reilly’s career, saying, “By ratings standards, Bill O’Reilly is one of the most accomplished TV personalities in the history of cable news.” By rating stands he is. By moral standards, he was a self-righteous landfill of angry garbage. –Stephen Colbert


Harriet Tubman will be replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill. It's truly exciting to have a woman on there. Although, unfortunately, due to the wage gap, it is now worth $17. –Stephen Colbert


Ben and Jerry from Ben & Jerry's ice cream got themselves into a scoop of trouble yesterday at Capitol Hill protesting against money and politics. The two were arrested — surprisingly, not for the murder of my waistline. –Stephen Colbert


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Monday, January 30, 2023

the same thing they said every time they try to reopen Jurassic Park (Come and get them, you b*stards)


January 2023

A mattress review site is paying people to test the theory that eating cheese before bed will give a person nightmares. But if you’re in bed eating cheese in bed until you pass out, your life is already a nightmare. —Colin Jost

Facebook announced that it will reinstate former President Donald Trump’s account, but this time they’ll put guardrails in place to keep him under control, which I think is the same thing they said every time they try to reopen Jurassic Park. —Colin Jost

Representatives for Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama issued statements saying they all turned over classified records before leaving office. While Jimmy Carter issued a statement saying, ‘Come and get them, you bastards.’ —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Sunday, November 13, 2022

I know I’m not always the sharpest tool in the refrigerator (Extremely successful despite a 42% rating)


November 2022

The Democrats have retained control of the Senate. I was actually surprised they won given President Biden’s low approval ratings. I guess Biden’s kind of like the Jurassic World movies. Extremely successful despite a 42% rating. —Colin Jost

Republicans are not taking it well. Tucker Carlson, seen here struggling to make it through No Nut November, he criticized the voting process and called electronic voting machines a threat to democracy. I’m actually not that worried about the voting machines. I’m worried they are being operated by the oldest people I have ever seen. Truly this year, the woman who gave me my ballot was wearing two stickers. One that said I Voted, and another that said I Survived the Titanic. —Colin Jost

In a speech yesterday, Herschel Walker called America the greatest country in the United States. But on the plus side, at least he has a general idea of where he is. Walker then apologized for misspeaking saying, I know I’m not always the sharpest tool in the refrigerator. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Cops use the same principle as toddlers: they’ll tell the truth, but only if it doesn’t get them in trouble (The invincible star from Mario)


June 2022

In the month since the shooting at Robb elementary in Uvalde, Texas, killed 19 children and two adults, revelations about the police response to the crisis have led to public outcry and a Texas safety chief to call the operation an ‘abject failure’. This story keeps getting worse and worse. Every single time we learn something, it gets worse and worse. 

We already knew that they waited far too long to confront the shooter. I’m referring to the 70 minutes officers spent waiting before they stormed the classroom where the shooter was hiding out. But now we found out that they lied about not having enough weapons to go in. The officers had assault rifles, body armor and ballistic shields, so I’m sorry, what else were they waiting for? The invincible star from Mario? How do you not go in?

Uvalde police also didn’t try to get into the classroom. The department previously stated that officers had to wait for a key because the door was locked, but the Texas public safety director announced on Tuesday that the door was never locked. They just never tried to open it? Which is ridiculous. Even people waiting outside like a locked bathroom at Starbucks will jiggle the handle after like two minutes, just to be sure. But it turns out these cops couldn’t do what the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park took five minutes to learn.

The tragic irony, was that the one time it would’ve been appropriate to go in guns blazing, the cops decide to have a picnic outside. But if you’re Black, or you have a broken tail light, then all of a sudden they go full Rambo on your ass. It’s another reminder that you can’t just trust what the police say. Yes, they’re police. Yes, you respect them. But it doesn’t mean that you trust every single thing they say after an incident.

What we have learned is that cops in America, they basically use the same principle as toddlers: they’ll tell the truth, but only if it doesn’t get them in trouble.” —Trevor Noah

 

Friday, May 27, 2022

The raptures were the scariest part of Jurassic Park (opening up our public lands for drilling)


"Even as Hillary Clinton was working to try and stop this Dubai port deal, her husband, Bill Clinton, was advising Dubai on how to get the deal through. Forget women, now he's cheating on her with other countries." --Jay Leno


"A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'" –Jay Leno


"A family values conservative Republican from Indiana, Mark Souder, has admitted to having an affair with a woman on his staff. Apparently Souder would take this woman to remote locations inside state parks and have sex with her. See, this is what Republicans mean when they talk about opening up our public lands for drilling." –Jay Leno


http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open (the key to the deodorant shelf)


April 2022

“After initially being denied, Elon Musk reached a deal to buy Twitter on Monday for roughly $44 billion. That’s right, people. Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they’re like, ‘All right, we’ll sell.’ Yeah, I guess they found that edit button after all.” —Trevor Noah

“I honestly don’t know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right? It just doesn’t feel like a fun place to supervise. It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open.” —Trevor Noah

“So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Music gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms in the world. I mean, remember this; think about it: Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off, all right? Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter, Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the 45th president of the United States and a joke. So owning Twitter gives you more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.” —Trevor Noah


“Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him — and also whatever strain his weed guy gives him that day. I’m just saying: He gets the wrong Sativa, there could be a race war, people; prepare yourselves.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Monday, February 24, 2020

The raptures were the scariest part of Jurassic Park (We can stand with our brothers on this issue)


"Donald Trump said he may reverse his position and decide to run for president. He said he wants to do it because President Obama is being so indecisive." –Jay Leno

"A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'" –Jay Leno 

"Prosecutors announced yesterday that Karl Rove will not be charged with any crimes. The White House was pretty relieved. President Bush told Dick Cheney, 'You can cancel that hunting trip with Karl Rove.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush said today that illegal immigrants who come to America should learn English. He said, 'If I was moving to Canada, I would learn Canadian.'" --Jay Leno

"Republicans in the Senate have announced they are moving on from gay marriage to a constitutional amendment to ban flag burning. We would join the only three other countries who have banned flag burning: China, Cuba and Iran. We can stand with our brothers on this issue." --Jay Leno

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

al Qaeda is claiming credit for the vague ending of The Sopranos (giving him the lead role in E.T.)



"Director Steven Spielberg has announced that he will endorse  Hillary Clinton for president. He says he likes Hillary because she combines the warmth of the raptors in 'Jurassic Park' with the charisma of the mashed potato tower in 'Close Encounters.' You'd think he'd endorse Dennis Kucinich after giving him the lead role in 'E.T.'" --Jimmy Kimmel
"This just in: al Qaeda is claiming credit for the vague ending of 'The Sopranos.'" --David Letterman

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.
Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s
Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Electoral College declares Cleveland Winner of World Series! (Final Vote Count 12/22/16)




Last vote count after vote of electoral college.

Hillary Clinton     65,844,610   48.2%
Donald Trump     62,979,636   46.1%

Third, Fourth, Fifth and Ninth Parties
                            7,804,213   5.7%




Let's say your favorite team is the Chicago Cubs and they are playing the Cleveland Indians in the World Series. It's Game 7 with everything on the line. The game is amazing, extra innings. Stomach in knots. But after 10 glorious innings the Cubs prevail over the Indians 8-7.

When all of a sudden, something called the Electoral College steps in and declares Cleveland the winner.

Welcome to American Democracy.

And hold on to your butts, here we go!

PS. Difference between Hillary and Trump?

2,864,974 votes

Maybe Trump will want to be remembered more like JFK
than worse than George W. Bush?



Friday, July 1, 2016

Trump has been nothing but nice to them (giant destructive orange balls)



Donald Trump is upset today because so many of his former Republican rivals have not endorsed him. He says he feels like he is running against two parties because none of the guys have jumped in to lend their support. Which makes no sense at all. Donald Trump has been nothing but nice to them. –Jimmy Kimmel
At this point, the Republican Party is like the scientists at "Jurassic Park." Now, it's going to eat us. –Jimmy Kimmel
Thirty-eight percent for Trump, 13 percent for a meteor, which adds up to 51 percent of the people are OK with the world coming to an end. Two giant destructive orange balls. –Stephen Colbert

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'



"There are rumors Arnold Schwarzenegger may have had a second child with another woman. I can't believe Arnold would cheat on his mistress like that." –Jimmy Fallon




"Donald Trump said he may reverse his position and decide to run for president. He said he wants to do it because President Obama is being so indecisive." –Jay Leno




"A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'" –Jay Leno