which is just incredible grip strength for a guy coated in baby oil (finish her!)

A woman has filed a lawsuit against Diddy, accusing him of assault and dangling her off a 17 story balcony, which is just incredible grip strength for a guy coated in baby oil. —Colin Jost

A man in Canada saved his wife after a polar bear lunged at her and he leapt onto the bear's back, shouting, finish her! —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

she had already shot the polar bear to make her daughter’s wedding dress (mouth-to-mouth)

"Sarah Palin today said she has mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she was never a big fan of Levi in the first place, but on the other hand, she had already shot the polar bear to make her daughter’s wedding dress." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Last night, Former President Bill Clinton, under cover of darkness, parachuted into North Korea with a knife in his teeth and a skull on his chest to rescue journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee. And it was a 13-hour flight home, during which, citing standard rescue protocol, Clinton gave both women mouth-to-mouth." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have apparently broken up again, less than a month after announcing their engagement. Bristol called it off faster than you can say, 'Mom, put the gun down.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If those kids could see your content they'd be very upset (That’s all they had at Baby Gap)

A four foot long alligator was discovered in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park. So you can probably take down those missing dog posters. —Michael Che

Monday is National Polar Bear Day. Previously known as National Polar Bears Day. —Michael Che

China is trying to help end the war in Ukraine and proposed a twelve part plan for peace. The catch is the twelve parts have to be assembled by children. —Michael Che

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg visited East Palestine, the site of the recent train derailment, and was criticized for wearing leather dress boots. Give him a break. That’s all they had at Baby Gap. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I stand willing to fully cooperate is also what Pence says before sex (views age as nothing but a number)

January 2023

Officials at TikTok are trying to stop efforts in congress to ban the app by launching a campaign called Project Texas because TikTok is their baby and they know Texas won’t let them get rid of it. —Michael Che

Researchers in Antarctica have discovered a 17 pound meteorite. Sadly, it was on top of the last Polar bear. —Michael Che

A lawyer for Mike Pence says that after they discovered classified documents in his home, Pence stands ready and willing to fully cooperate. Incidentally, I stand willing to fully cooperate is also what Pence says before sex. —Michael Che

Pope Francis criticized laws banning homosexuality as unjust, saying it’s not a crime even though Catholic doctrine views homosexuality as a sin. He also stressed that Catholic doctrine views age as nothing but a number. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The liberal Fox News warned you about (No word yet on brides)

March 2022

Dubai has opened the Museum of the Future, which attempts to show what the world will be like in 50 years. Let’s just say the museum does not feature a polar bear exhibit. —Michael Che

A new study says that 11% of Americans are afraid of the dark. Especially if that dark is behind them at the ATM. —Michael Che

Serena Williams criticized the New York Times after it mistakenly printed a picture of her sister, Venus Williams, and labeled it Serena. Worse the Times then sent an apology letter to Wendy Williams. —Michael Che

Governors in several states including New Hampshire, Ohio and Utah have banned the sale of Russian-made vodka. No word yet on brides. —Michael Che

Many of the members of congress attending the State of the Union wore blue and yellow to show their support for Ukraine. While Kamala Harris wore all brown to do what she’s done for the past year, disappear into the background. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They’re just a group of ordinary citizens wearing bear skin and horns (they’ll throw you right in the goulash)

“The Republican party is having a bit of an internal squabble right now. The party is divided over whether the violent insurrection of January 6 was a violent insurrection or just a lively sightseeing tour of the Capitol. A week ago, the Republican National Committee voted to censure GOP legislators Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney for participating in the House inquiry into the insurrection, and in a statement called the attack ‘ordinary citizens engaged in legitimate political discourse’. They’re just a group of ordinary citizens wearing bear skin and horns smearing feces on the wall of the Capitol. Just ordinary citizens.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“In a rebuke of his own party, the Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, reaffirmed this week that the attack was ‘a violent insurrection’ aimed at preventing the peaceful transfer of power. Just to show you how far down the crazy hole we’ve gone, we’re now applauding Republicans who are willing to admit that what happened, happened.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“But there’s not just crazy, there’s some dumb going on, too, including deranged comments this week by Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene. Greene likened Congress to a gulag and said Nancy Pelosi deployed ‘gazpacho police’, instead of the Gestapo. If you’ve got cold soup you’d better watch it, because Nancy Pelosi is coming for it. These must be the soup Nazis Seinfeld warned us about so many years ago. And if the gazpacho police get ahold of you they’ll throw you right in the goulash.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Aw, man, that's never coming out (I'm not racist. One of my best friends is white)

June 2013

"Due to the government spy scandal, sales of the classic George Orwell book '1984' have skyrocketed. So the fallout is worse than we thought. It's making Americans read." –Conan O'Brien

"Conservative commentator Glenn Beck is suffering from paralyzed vocal cords that have made him unable to speak. But not to worry – doctors are working around the clock to make sure this condition continues." –Conan O'Brien

"Edward Snowden shows up in a hotel in Hong Kong and announces to the world that he's leaked confidential National Security Agency memos and documents. He's now gone. Where is this guy? Gosh, if only there was a way to keep track of people." –David Letterman

"I'm excited that this Sunday is Father's Day because I'm a dad. Yeah, I don't know what I'm getting yet but I have a feeling the government knows." –Conan O'Brien 

"A recent report finds that by the year 2043 white people will no longer be the majority in America. And by 2050 people will be saying, 'I'm not racist. One of my best friends is white.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”