every show has a four wife minimum (it's your fault for not voting properly)

Major comedians are being slammed for taking money from Saudi Arabia to perform at the Riyadh Comedy Festival. The royals over there love it, even though every show has a four wife minimum. — Greg Gutfeld 

Kelly Ripa had to reach down into her cleavage after a microphone fell down there on air. A similar incident happened to Anna Navarro, but while retrieving it, they discovered three illegals. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The cookbook teaches you how to make a soufflé that falls then re-inflates at halftime (this is their black magic)

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is coming out with a cookbook. The cookbook teaches you how to make a soufflé that falls then re-inflates at halftime. –Conan O’Brien

German Chancellor Angela Merkel says she is confident that fake news will not harm her chances in Germany’s election. In fact, Merkel is so confident she’s going to win, she’s not even going to campaign in Wisconsin. –Conan O’Brien

It was announced today that Kelly Ripa’s new co-host will be Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest was relieved, and said those 20 minutes he wasn’t on television were the scariest of his life. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So I'm counting on the new mayor to restore it to its former glory (Number two: Kelly Ripa)

November 2013

"I heard that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is very excited about the movie 'Hunger Games.' He's apparently under the impression it's about competitive eating." –David Letterman

"A new study found that parents who only have daughters are more likely to be Republican, which I guess explains why my Dad registered as Republican when he saw me throw a football." –Jimmy Fallon

"Forbes magazine has named evil Russian President Vladimir Putin as the most powerful person in the world. Vladimir Putin, the most powerful person in the world. Number two: Kelly Ripa." –David Letterman

"In New York they elected a new mayor. He is Bill de Blasio, the first Democrat mayor in 20 years. Now 20 years ago Times Square was filled with strip clubs and porno theaters. So I'm counting on the new mayor to restore it to its former glory." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I came back for seconds (Number two: Kelly Ripa)

November 2013

"Forbes magazine has named evil Russian President Vladimir Putin as the most powerful person in the world. Vladimir Putin, the most powerful person in the world. Number two: Kelly Ripa." –David Letterman

"It's been a big year for Vladimir Putin. People magazine also named him the sexiest dictator alive." –David Letterman

"New Jersey re-elected Governor Chris Christie. Or as Christie put it, 'I came back for seconds.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Rand Paul has been accused of cheating in three separate instances. When asked about the charges, Paul said, 'Four score and seven years ago...'" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century (the closer at Beverly Hills Mercedes)

August 2012

"Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century." –David Letterman 

"Mitt looks like a guy who would be the closer at Beverly Hills Mercedes." –David Letterman

"And Mitt's running mate Paul Ryan — who has dropped out of nowhere and has energized the Republican ticket — he looks like the guy you see on packages of underwear." –David Letterman

"Finding a co-host for Kelly Ripa has been harder than finding Mitt Romney's tax returns." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson on Live with Regis and Kelly

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun? (They called it 'white people.')

"First lady Michelle Obama told 'Regis & Kelly' she was expecting jewelry on Valentine's Day. She said it wouldn't be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he's spending his own money." –Jay Leno 

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush. President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

"Things did not go well at the White House St. Patrick's Day party. Did you hear what happened?  Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun." --Jay Leno

"A UCLA study shows 7% of people still believe in the Easter Bunny. I believe these are the same people who believe President Bush is doing a good job in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it 'white people.'" --Jay Leno 

"We're now down to the final four. Not college basketball. The number of people who still think President Bush is doing a good job." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Ironically, do you know who bought it? (special episode of Regis and Kelly)

"No, Sarah Palin made some interesting points last night. She said when she was Governor of Alaska she got rid of the state’s luxury jet and put it on eBay. Ironically, do you know who bought it? John and Cindy McCain." --Jay Leno

"Palin said last night that John McCain had seen evil, but I didn’t even know Dick Cheney was at the convention." --Jay Leno

"And did you see McCain and Palin standing together? Didn’t it look like a special episode of 'Regis and Kelly?'" --Jay Leno

"No, Senator McCain already showing tremendous faith in Palin as his vice presidential nominee. Like, did you notice after the speech last night, he came on stage, finally signed that do-not-resuscitate order." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #4

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

It’s the first time Trump has ever said the words, “Rodrigo, please come to America.”

The creators of Fyre Festival, a luxury music festival that left attendees on an island without adequate food, water, shelter, or medical care, are all being sued for $100 million. If you want to attend the trial, tickets start at $5,000. –Conan O’Brien

It was announced today that Kelly Ripa’s new co-host will be Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest was relieved, and said those 20 minutes he wasn’t on television were the scariest of his life. –Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, President Trump invited brutal Filipino dictator Rodrigo Duterte to visit the White House. It’s the first time Trump has ever said the words, “Rodrigo, please come to America.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

The next State of the Union address will be given by Co-Presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton

"It was the annual State of the Union address down in Washington. By the way, this is President Bush's last State of the Union address. The next State of the Union address will be given by Co-Presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton." --David Letterman

"You know, that's what everybody is worried about. They say that Bill will actually be calling the shots. They will be the co-presidents. And I'm thinking this is going to be tremendous. You know what it is going to be like? It's going to be like Regis and Kelly." --David Letterman

"President Bush is standing there giving his State of the Union, and behind him you can see  Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi sitting right behind the president. And man, what a strange, you know, it looks like a married couple waiting for their divorce to be final." --David Letterman

Beyoncé showed up and handed Ripa a baseball bat

After being blind-sided by Michael Strahan’s upcoming departure, Kelly Ripa returned to “Live with Kelly and Michael” today, where the co-anchors were reunited. The reunion was going great, until Beyoncé showed up and handed Ripa a baseball bat. –Jimmy Fallon

Happy birthday to Melania Trump, who turned 46 today. She spent her birthday like she always does — telling Donald that she's 23. –Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton called Donald Trump a loose cannon and said, “Loose cannons tend to misfire.” Trump was like, “My cannon works just fine, I guarantee you, there’s no problem. I’ve already discussed this.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/03/hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015-volume-1_23.html

It's the same philosophy that Mitt has in regard to paying taxes

"Mitt Romney was here meeting with the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. He's looking for a housekeeper for his place in La Jolla." –Jimmy Kimmel



"Mitt Romney was on 'Live With Kelly and Michael.' At one point Mitt was asked what he wears to bed. He said as little as possible. It's the same philosophy that Mitt has in regard to paying taxes." –Jimmy Kimmel 



"Mitt also admitted on the show that his guilty pleasures are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate milk. Even his guilty pleasures are boring." –Jimmy Kimmel 

George W. Bush would know what to do

"A lot of Republicans are blaming Obama for all of this unrest in the Middle East. Right, you know what, if we were attacked in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen, George Bush would know what to do. Invade Iraq." –Bill Maher



"Mitt Romney went on live with Kelly and Michael and tried to answer these hardball questions. He was asked what he wears to bed. He said, 'as little as possible." Wow, there's a switch, Romney giving too much information." –Bill Maher



"He told us all about their sex life. Sometimes he and Ann turn off the lights and play 'find my tax returns.'" –Bill Maher

Hurricane Todd Akin

"Finding a co-host for Kelly Ripa has been harder than finding Mitt Romney's tax returns." –David Letterman



"It’s National Senior Citizen’s Day, which is not to be confused with National Senior Citizen’s Week — the Republican Convention in Florida." –Jimmy Fallon



"A hurricane could threaten next week’s Republican National Convention in Tampa. It could really hurt Republicans — which explains its name, 'Hurricane Todd Akin.'" –Jimmy Fallon



John Hulse painting