it’s the Catholic version of RuPaul’s Drag Race (Well back to the wallet factory)

There is a search for a new pope after Pope Francis died on Monday morning at the age of 88. Nobody is going to be more insufferable this week than your friend who saw the movie Conclave and now knows everything about how it works. I’ll tell you how it works: over the next few weeks, 135 flamboyantly dressed cardinals will gather to pass judgment on a series of aspiring candidates and in a lot of ways, it’s the Catholic version of RuPaul’s Drag Race. —Jimmy Kimmel

Today was take your kids to work day, which I admit I misunderstood. I didn't know it had to be my kid. Well back to the wallet factory. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, there was Bert's sham marriage to Liza Minnelli (Dick Cheney 2028)

Yesterday a spokesperson for "Sesame Street" said that Bert and Ernie do not, I repeat, do not have a sexual orientation. A spokesperson then added, "But Big Bird is really into Asian chicks." This is because a writer on "Sesame Street" earlier in the week claimed that Bert and Ernie are gay. I always thought it was pretty obvious that Bert and Ernie were gay. Especially based on some of the appearances they have made over the years. For example, they were guest judges on "RuPaul's Drag Race." They hosted an annual summer solstice party on Fire Island. They officiated Neil Patrick Harris' wedding. Of course, there was Bert's sham marriage to Liza Minnelli. --Conan O’Brien

"Some Republicans are saying they want Dick Cheney, that's right, Dick Cheney, to run for president in 2012. Of course, you have to remember that when they said this, Cheney was torturing them." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Militarization of the federal budget (pudding fingers)

“Ron DeSantis met with his advisers, and they were, like, ‘Ron, how do we put this? There’s a better chance of you being a judge on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” than being president of the United States.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“It’s estimated that Ron DeSantis spent $2,263 per vote he got. It literally would have been cheaper to buy each of his supporters a Peloton bike.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I don’t understand why Americans didn’t rally behind a guy who declared war on the Magic Kingdom, attacked trans kids, denied Covid, kidnapped migrants and flew them to Martha’s Vineyard, and ate pudding with his fingers.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full (and honestly after a few beers, I would)

Apple has launched a new feature called Pay Later that lets users spread out payments for Apps over the course of six weeks. And this has also launched my new favorite insult, 'Your momma’s so poor she put Candy Crush on layaway'. —Colin Jost

Doctors in Nepal saved a man after he inserted a water glass into his rectum for sexual gratification and it got stuck. But I think the man actually felt positive about the experience because he said the glass was half full. —Colin Jost

A sperm donor in the Netherlands, who allegedly fathered more than 500 children is being sued for increasing the risk of ‘accidental incest’ among the kids. Accidental Incest is also the title of the worst American Pie sequel. —Colin Jost   

The New York City Fire Department rescued five children who got themselves lost in the Staten Island sewer system. While it’s hard to believe that a place that filthy and disgusting also has a sewer system. —Michael Che

Build-A-Bear has introduced a new RuPaul doll, and honestly after a few beers, I would. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Biden hasn’t been this sick since the time he got scurvy on Noah’s Ark (Who you gonna call?)

July 2022

“Now of course, the big story today is that President Biden tested positive for Covid, but according to the White House, Biden is feeling pretty good for a 300-year-old man. Biden hasn’t been this sick since the time he got scurvy on Noah’s Ark.” —RuPaul

“Joe said his symptoms are mild, and he’ll be back to falling off his bike in no time.” —RuPaul

“President Biden tested positive today for the coronavirus. Luckily, we’ve all been keeping our distance.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound (Let's get you to the guillotine)

June 2022

“That’s right, earlier tonight, Congress held the first public hearing on the Jan. 6 attack, and it aired in prime time across all major networks. Yep. The footage is rough to get through. Right after the hearing, I watched an episode of ‘Dateline’ just to lighten the mood.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Five minutes in, even Mike Pence was like, ‘I’ve had enough — let’s see what’s happening on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Instead of broadcasting the hearings, Fox News is showing reruns of January 6th with a laugh track.” —Jimmy Fallon

“After two hours of documentary evidence and testimony, we learned that this insurrectionist conspiracy was, like everything else associated with that last administration, exactly what you thought, but worse than you could have imagined. The next episode drops on Monday morning, and to quote the former president, ‘Be there. Will be wild.’” —Stephen Colbert

“It was such a juicy burger that Fox News knew that even their viewers would be tempted to take a bite, which is why — and this is true — for the first hour of his show opposite the hearings, Tucker Carlson took no commercial breaks. Do you understand what that means? Fox News is willing to lose money to keep their viewers from flipping over and accidentally learning information.” —Stephen Colbert

“But I am really not surprised that Fox isn’t showing the hearings. That’s the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, there was Bert's sham marriage to Liza Minnelli (We Only Preach Them)

Yesterday a spokesperson for "Sesame Street" said that Bert and Ernie do not, I repeat, do not have a sexual orientation. A spokesperson then added, "But Big Bird is really into Asian chicks." This is because a writer on "Sesame Street" earlier in the week claimed that Bert and Ernie are gay. I always thought it was pretty obvious that Bert and Ernie were gay. Especially based on some of the appearances they have made over the years. For example, they were guest judges on "RuPaul's Drag Race." They hosted an annual summer solstice party on Fire Island. They officiated Neil Patrick Harris' wedding. Of course, there was Bert's sham marriage to Liza Minnelli. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”