because in New Jersey, every bird coughs (How not to wear a Disney sweater)

"The Senate is considering a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage. The amendment is expected to fall a few votes short because Senators Orrin Hatch and Trent Lott are antiquing in Vermont." --Conan O'Brien

"The founders of Ben & Jerry's ice cream are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton, which makes sense because Baracky Road is a catchier name for an ice cream than Pantsuits and Cream." --Conan O'Brien

 

"A mild form of bird flu has been detected in New Jersey. Health officials said the bird flu was hard to detect, because in New Jersey, every bird coughs." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

babies are now allowed on the U.S. Senate floor (Beyoncé’s wind machine)

Thanks to a rule change, babies are now allowed on the U.S. Senate floor. In the spirit of the new rules, today in the Senate, Orrin Hatch had his diaper changed. --Conan O’Brien

Camping at Coachella has been delayed this weekend because of high winds. Then someone realized they just forgot to turn off Beyoncé’s wind machine. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

He's still mad at Abraham Lincoln for stealing his girlfriend in middle school (happy fans or sad fans)

President Trump today said that Sen. Orrin Hatch called him the greatest president in the history of our country. I guess Hatch is still mad at Abraham Lincoln for stealing his girlfriend in middle school. --Seth Meyers

The Super Bowl is this Sunday between the New England Patriots, and the Philadelphia Eagles. The game will determine whether Philadelphia is burned to the ground by happy fans or sad fans. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html 

I thought you meant we were going to be invaded by cat people (craziest State of the Union I’ve ever been to)

Some big news about the Russia investigation. It came out that Trump ordered the firing of Robert Mueller last summer. Even weirder, he ordered it through a McDonald’s drive-thru. “I want two Big Macs, a Diet Coke, and the termination of Robert Mueller.” --Jimmy Fallon

But Trump’s lawyer allegedly told him that if he fired Robert Mueller, it would have a catastrophic effect on his presidency. Then after a long pause, the lawyer said, “That means ‘bad,’ Mr. President.” [imitates Trump] “Oh, I’m sorry – I thought you meant we were going to be invaded by cat people.” --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that 83-year-old Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch was at the Grammys last night. Midway through, he turned to the person next to him and said, “This is the craziest State of the Union I’ve ever been to.” --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

So including the World Series, 2017 has been a great year for dodgers (pampered rich boy)

John McCain called Trump out for being a pampered rich boy but the good news is it looks like Trump will get out of the military again after suffering from McCain’s sick burn. Trump got out of going to Vietnam five times, and now he’s the president of the United States. So including the World Series, 2017 has been a great year for dodgers. –James Corden

Did you guys see this conspiracy theory that was going around the internet last week? People claim that Melania Trump had a body double impersonate her during an appearance with her husband. And if you think that is weird, Donald Trump has been impersonating a president for almost a year. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Senators Orrin Hatch and Trent Lott are antiquing in Vermont

"Some are surprised that President Bush would back a gay marriage amendment when he clearly doesn't have the votes to pass it. I mean, since when has a lack of votes held back President Bush? It's never been a problem in the past." --Jay Leno

"Even though President Bush is pushing for this gay marriage amendment, Vice President Dick Cheney doesn't think the federal government should be involved. Cheney said the government shouldn't prevent men who are obviously in love with each other from having a relationship. For example, let's say an oil company wants to get in bed with the leader of the Republican Party -- they should be allowed." --Jay Leno

"The Senate is considering a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage. The amendment is expected to fall a few votes short because Senators Orrin Hatch and Trent Lott are antiquing in Vermont." --Conan O'Brien

Orrin Hatch knows what a hipster is?

“It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you.” –Jay Leno 

“Republican Senator Orrin Hatch accused President Obama of pandering to the hipster wing of the Democratic Party. It's pretty shocking — not that he said that, just that Orrin Hatch knows what a hipster is.” –Jimmy Fallon





“There is an HBO movie coming out about the 2008 presidential election. Apparently John McCain is very unhappy with the way he was portrayed. He said he came across as a clueless and angry man. No one had the heart to tell him he was watching the toaster.” –Craig Ferguson