Pyramid of the Capitalist System (he heard it was a good place for an embattled leader to disappear into the mountains)

"This week President Bush made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. The president said he heard it was a good place for an embattled leader to disappear into the mountains." --Tina Fey

"Osama bin Laden released his first new audio taped message in over a year. While there is some new material in the message, insiders say it's mostly a Greatest Threats collection. A White House spokesman says they plan to check out the message in its entirety, but they're too busy listening to your phone calls." --Tina Fey

"Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted during an interview this week that he has smacked his children, though only because he believed reports that they were carrying weapons of mass destruction." --Tina Fey

 

"While speaking in Atlanta on Thursday, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was repeatedly interrupted by angry protesters, with one woman shouting, 'This man needs to be imprisoned for war crimes.' What makes it worse is that he was speaking at a Rumsfeld family reunion." --Tina Fey

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If America is a she, I would hate to see her Adam's apple (Big risk to everyone around it)

"Apparently at the G-8 luncheon, the president, not realizing his mic was on, made some comments about Syria, Kofi Annan and Diet Coke. Diet Coke came out on top. Anyway, the mainstream media seems to think we have a right to know what he said to Tony Blair. Well, we don't, folks. If we need to know, it would have been put in a press release. I've said it before, reporting is putting press releases into your own words." --Stephen Colbert

 

"Now, for days, the media has been endlessly playing footage of Obama's former pastor, Jeremiah Wright, who has said some very offensive things that I will not repeat here. He will [on screen: Wright saying, 'Goddamn America for treating our citizens as less than human. Goddamn America as long as she tries to act like she is God and she is supreme]. Wait a second, did he just call America 'she'? Reverend Wright, have you seen Florida? If America is a she, I would hate to see her Adam's apple." --Stephen Colbert

"In a wide ranging interview, Mayor Giuliani explained why he believes Florida was the truly bellwether state [on screen: Giuliani saying, 'This is the state that determined our president in the year 2000. So it's a state that is very politically aware']. True. There are few voters as politically aware as these 6,000 ancient Jews who voted for Pat Buchanan." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All we have to do is stand up and their little game is over (Britney's hair is growing back)

"George Bush is so hard up for good news, he called a press conference this morning to announce that Britney's hair is growing back." --Bill Maher

"Prosecutors announced yesterday that Karl Rove will not be charged with any crimes. The White House was pretty relieved. President Bush told Dick Cheney, 'You can cancel that hunting trip with Karl Rove.'" --Jay Leno

"British Prime Minister Tony Blair left office after 10 years today. President Bush was pretty upset. Although they told President Bush that Blair just went to live on a farm." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's their nickname because they always choke (You want to ride my broomstick?)

"Until last week it said on her online profile that she attended Oxford University, which of course one of the most prestigious colleges on earth. Stephen Hawking teaches at Oxford, Rhodes scholars go there. She didn't go to Oxford, which is a shame, because Oxford's rugby team is called the Fighting Masturbators. That's their nickname because they always choke." –Craig Ferguson

"Christine O'Donnell didn't go to Oxford. It turns out she took a class from something called the Phoenix Institute, which happened to be renting a classroom at Oxford. That’s like saying you're a TV star, but really you're just on CBS during the middle of the damn night." –Craig Ferguson

"I understand why Christine would want people to think she went to Oxford. Oxford has produced some legendary politicians. Margaret Thatcher, Tony Blair, Bill Clinton went to Oxford. I'm sure Bill would remember Christine if he saw her at Oxford. 'Hey baby, I hear you're a witch. You want to ride my broomstick? Because if you don't, I'll do it myself, and that would be wrong.'" –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We have to buy a whole new bunch of congressmen (Bush's head exploded)

"Things getting very nasty in Washington. Today the White House denied an assertion by Senator Harry Reid that the Iraq war is 'the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history.' The White House said, 'You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, President Bush spoke on the phone with the prime minister of Australia. When the prime minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia, Bush's head exploded." --Conan O'Brien

"Bad news for President Bush. He wants us to stay the course, but even our closest ally is saying no. Prime Minister Tony Blair announced the withdrawal of 1,500 British troops and says that more than half of their troops could be pulled by this summer. Coincidentally, the announcement comes the day after Prince Harry volunteered to go fight over in Iraq. Maybe that's the way to get our troops out -- we send Billy Bush to Iraq." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The British are pulling out. Slovakia is now pulling out. Canada already pulled out. So has Italy, Spain, Portugal, Japan, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, Norway, Thailand and Singapore. Basically, it is just us and the Jamaicans now. And that's mostly because they just don't know where they are." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, everyone just calm down and listen to the clear-headed advice of the guy who owns Abraham Lincoln's hair (Imbeciles, definitely)

"Britney Spears' hair is being sold on eBay. The price has skyrocketed to $1 million. But a collector who owns a lock of Abraham Lincoln's hair says that it's really only worth $5,000. So, everyone just calm down and listen to the clear-headed advice of the guy who owns Abraham Lincoln's hair." --Conan O'Brien

"Lots of people giving up things for Lent. Tony Blair is giving up the war in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"The British announced they are pulling their troops out of Iraq. Dick Cheney immediately called it good news. He said it is a sign we are winning." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In case of an attack, we've got three large balloons (Welcome home, Torsten)

"Britney Spears is back in rehab. Two weeks ago, I didn't think it was possible to lose a custody battle with Kevin Federline. But five years ago, I didn't think it would be possible to lose a war with the Sunnis." --Bill Maher

"Three large balloons were floated above the Pentagon this past weekend, as the U.S. Defense Department tested its chemical and biological weapon defenses. So, rest easy America. In case of an attack, we've got three large balloons." --Seth Meyers

"The British are leaving! The British are leaving! This week, after Prime Minister Tony Blair announced England would withdraw 1,600 troops from Iraq, Denmark announced that they are withdrawing their troop. Welcome home, Torsten." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

as we all know, every single American soldier is safely in Iraq (he went to live on a farm)

"Tony Blair, prime minister of England, is stepping down. He said he wanted to spend more time humping Bush's leg. He said he hopes people remember him as the people's poodle." --Bill Maher

"They didn't have the heart to tell Bush. They didn't say Blair was gone. They just said he went to live on a farm." --Bill Maher

"Apparently, we may have foiled a terrorist attack right here in America. Six bozos were going to attack the army base at Fort Dix, New Jersey. But Bush outsmarted them because, as we all know, every single American soldier is safely in Iraq." --Bill Maher

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Health Insurance Company CEOs Total Compensation (Median earnings of workers $41,148)

"British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced that he will step down next month. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'That's a shame. He's the only world leader who took the time to learn English.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In a recent interview, Senator John McCain says the last music he bought was the Beach Boys, while Mitt Romney says the last music he bought was Roy Orbison. Apparently, McCain and Romney are both running for president in 1964."--Conan O'Brien

"According to a new State Department report, the number of terrorist attacks in Iraq jumped 91% from 2005 to 2006, many of the attacks planned and executed by al-Qaeda, and several of those attacks using deadly chlorine gas. That's right people: Iraq and al-Qaeda, working together with weapons of mass destruction... finally Iraq has become the country we thought it was when we invaded." --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He said he wanted to spend more time humping Bush's leg (Bush outsmarted them?)

"Tony Blair, prime minister of England, is stepping down. He said he wanted to spend more time humping Bush's leg. He said he hopes people remember him as the people's poodle." --Bill Maher

"They didn't have the heart to tell Bush. They didn't say Blair was gone. They just said he went to live on a farm." --Bill Maher

"Apparently, we may have foiled a terrorist attack right here in America. Six bozos were going to attack the army base at Fort Dix, New Jersey. But Bush outsmarted them because, as we all know, every single American soldier is safely in Iraq." --Bill Maher

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

First you take our land and now you blame us for President Bush (you just retire whenever Merlin tells you to)

"Last week, Tony Blair announced that he will step down as U.K. prime minister in June. Seems arbitrary, but that's the British parliamentary system for you. I guess instead of term limits, you just retire whenever Merlin tells you to." --Stephen Colbert

"A group that researches ancestry announced that President Bush is a descendant of Pocahontas. Native Americans were furious. They said, 'Great. First you take our land and now you blame us for President Bush.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The government in Iran has now forbidden men to trim their eyebrows or use hair gel. Iran's spokesperson said, 'It's not a religious issue. We just don't want our men to look like Ryan Seacrest.'" --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It was the last time they played Christopher Robin and Pooh (three other white guys chimed in)

"Today at the White House, President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair held their last joint press conference. In other words, it was the last time they played Christopher Robin and Pooh." --Conan O'Brien

"Last night, Fox News aired the second Republican presidential debate. My favorite part was when the white guy went after those two white guys, and three other white guys chimed in." --Conan O'Brien

"During last night's Republican debate, Mike Huckabee got a big laugh when he said that Congress has been spending money like John Edwards at a beauty salon. Then Huckabee got an even bigger laugh when he said he's running for president." --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

because when Bush closes his eyes, Blair sounds just like C3PO (the orchestra is now four trillion dollars in debt)

"President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair held their last joint press conference. President Bush says he's gonna miss listening to Tony Blair, because when he closes his eyes, Blair sounds just like C3PO." --Conan O'Brien

"During a concert of the Virginia symphony at the 400th anniversary celebration of Jamestown, President Bush briefly took over conducting the orchestra. Which explains why the orchestra is now four trillion dollars in debt." --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

To which President Bush said, "And the problem is?" (because usually when Cheney sees two lame ducks, you know...)

"The liberals are saying that this guest worker program is really just a way to depress wages and create a permanent underclass of exploited labor. To which President Bush said, 'And the problem is?'" --Bill Maher

"I don't blame President Bush. He doesn't really understand, first of all, what amnesty means. He thinks amnesty is what happens on soap operas when people wake up and they can't remember anything." --Bill Maher

"I kid the president. What a week he had. It was a bittersweet moment. He was in the Rose Garden for the last time with his long-time lover Tony Blair. As you know, Tony Blair is stepping down as prime minister and made his final visit to the U.S. There they were in the Rose Garden defending together their decision to go to war in Iraq. Dick Cheney had to be restrained, because usually when he sees two lame ducks, you know." --Bill Maher

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html