filmed in a Florida condo on a leather couch (Political Language Explained)

 

President Trump says he will appoint Fox News host Jeanine Pirro as interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C. Pirro celebrated the news with a bottle of wine every day for the last 50 years. —Michael Che

President Trump announced plans for a 100% tariff on movies made outside the U.S., which is no problem for me, because all the movies I watch were filmed in a Florida condo on a leather couch. —Michael Che

K-Pop star Lisa is being criticized for her Met Gala outfit that appeared to feature images of Rosa Parks on the crotch. But at least they put her in the front. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which I hope is finally enough money for her to stop texting me (Ellis Island Award)

It was also reported that during the first three months of her campaign, Kamala Harris raised over $1 billion. Which I hope is finally enough money for her to stop texting me. —Colin Jost

Both the Mets and Yankees have advanced to the league championship round, setting up a potential Subway Series. That would be so awesome. It would be the only thing anyone in New York City would care about, right? Said Mayor Adams. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His sweet, sweet parents Rosa Parks and the Fiddler on the Roof (You're on the Commie List now)

January 2023

“As crazy as the world seems, and she do seem crazy, it’s comforting every so often to be reminded that actions still have consequences. And even when those consequences are awful, it’s nice to know that you weren’t crazy when you pointed out those consequences were careening down the highway toward all of us like a jackknife manure spreader. Case in point: the Republican party, which for years said nothing while the former president told over 30,000 verifiable lies. That’s 20 lies a day! I don’t always get in 20 steps a day.

So no one should be surprised when that party is the party that produces newly elected representative George Santos, the New York lawmaker whose web of lies and fictional résumé have led many of his own party to call for his resignation.

And the lies keep coming; in a recently unearthed 2020 podcast, Santos bragged about graduating from NYU with an MBA. If you want to learn more about his inspiring time in grad school, you can read his memoir, I Am Malala. Santos also said he hated ‘to see the youths today and see them sitting on their behinds and acting like, you know, ugh this is so hard.’

Yeah, you lazy youth! How many accomplishments did you make up today? One? Two? George Santos tells 10 lies before breakfast! You think it’s easy hiding checks and keeping track of which sport you pretended to play and which college you pretended to attend? No! But you gotta dig down like George did so he could make his parents proud. His sweet, sweet parents Rosa Parks and the Fiddler on the Roof.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess out of those three, it’s got to be me (You know, like a witch hunt)

July 2022

“Former President Donald Trump over the weekend attended a conservative conference in Tampa, Florida, where he repeated a story to the crowd about a friend who once referred to him as ‘the most persecuted person in American history.’ Trump’s speeches often have him whining incessantly about how he’s being treated or repeating some weird lie an imaginary friend supposedly told him. I like the idea that this never occurred to Trump until a friend suggested it. Is this where he gets all his ideas? ‘[imitating Trump friend] You know, Donald, I was thinking, your situation kind of reminds me of — well, the Salem witch trials. It’s almost like it’s a hunt — for witches, Donald. You know, like a witch hunt.’” —Seth Meyers

“He just sat back and he thought about it and he came to the conclusion that, yes, his friend was right. I’m sure he was just sitting in his study with a pipe and smoking jacket surrounded by walls of books, comparing himself to other historical examples famous persecuted Americans. ‘[imitating Trump] Let’s see. There’s me, there’s Rosa Parks, there’s Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter. I guess out of those three, it’s got to be me — if it’s those three.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if your redwood lasts more than 2,000 years, call your lumberjack! (At this point, who even remembers who owned who?)

"Today in Philadelphia, Barack Obama gave a major speech on race in America. I'm sorry, but I believe we solved racism in America when Rosa Parks drove that bus to Congress. Okay, have we forgotten so soon? Come on, it's been hundreds of years. At this point, who even remembers who owned who?" --Stephen Colbert

The National Parks Service is so desperate for cash that they just announced that, for the first time, they are going to solicit corporate sponsorship. Pretty soon, those sequoias could be brought to you by Viagra. Remember, if your redwood lasts more than 2,000 years, call your lumberjack! –Stephen Colbert

"We're still on the road to World War III. Things were looking a little grim last week – all those countries pressuring us to call for an immediate cease-fire, but we stayed strong. Sure, we sent over Condi Rice to negotiate, but she's not there for a cease-fire. No, she's there for 'sustainable cease-fire,' which considering the Middle East, is like sending her to bring back Jimmy Hoffa on a unicorn." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My man, don’t be so modest (I need to re-evaluate my behavior)

December 2021

“If you fly Spirit, that’s the oxygen mask that drops down in an emergency.” — Jimmy Fallon, on a United Airlines passenger who wore a red thong on his face to protest mask requirements (and who later compared himself to Rosa Parks)

“Rosa Parks? My man, don’t be so modest — you’re more than Rosa Parks. If anything, you’re the Martin Luther King of white dudes comparing themselves to Black heroes for no reason.” —Trevor Noah

“A few minutes later, an air marshal walked over and gave him a mouth wedgie.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know, for real, sometimes I think conservatives are right: America shouldn’t be teaching the history of racism in schools, because then at least white people wouldn’t know who to compare themselves to when they get kicked off airplanes for doing dumb [expletive]. ‘I’m exactly the same as — huh, I can’t think of anybody, you know? Maybe I’m just a [expletive] wearing panties on my face. I need to re-evaluate my behavior.’” —Trevor Noah

“And, by the way, can we all agree there’s no way this dude just starting sniffing thongs during the pandemic? I bet you he’s been going around for years like, ‘Looks like I got kicked out of the dorm because I’m once again the Rosa Parks of my sister’s friend’s underwear drawer.’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A special shout-out to the independent geniuses (moral and political wars)

"A special shout-out to the independent geniuses, who switched sides again because President Chocolate Jesus did not make it rain twenties in two years." –Bill Maher

"You know what, you independents, if you can vote for Bush one year, and then the next election vote for Obama, and then go back to John Boehner, you're not independents, you're schizophrenic. You're Norman Bates, sometimes you dress up as your mom and kill sluts in the shower, and sometimes you put on pants and mop up. Well, congratulations America, on Tuesday you put on the dress and killed again." –Bill Maher

"This was the biggest landslide since the '30s. The Republicans picked up 63 seats. I haven't seen the Republicans so happy about taking seats since they made Rosa Parks stand up." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Remember when teachers cared enough to have sex with students personally (I was just tired of giving up)

"Hillary Clinton opened the Middle East peace talks and said, "People with a history of conflict can learn to live together.' And believe me, she knows what she's talking about." –Jay Leno

"A teacher has been jailed for six months for assigning her students masturbation as homework. What is happening to our education system? Remember when teachers cared enough to have sex with students personally." –Jay Leno

"It's rumored that White House gatecrasher Michaele Salahi is going to pose nude in Playboy. Salahi said her main motivation for posing in Playboy is the fact that no one's invited her to." –Jimmy Fallon

"Rodney King has announced that he will marry one of the jurors from the trial that awarded him millions of dollars from the city of Los Angeles. If Judge Ito doesn't preside over this, there's something wrong with this town." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Y'all giving out free trips to Jamaica? (All Crocs are special)

Designer brand Yves Saint Laurent has released a new line of jewelry that includes penis earrings. Said lesbians -- "Ugh, earrings." --Seth Meyers and Jenny

The ACLU has filed a lawsuit on behalf of a Philadelphia-born man who says he was detained for three weeks while ICE agents tried to deport him to Jamaica. "Said black people -- 'Y'all giving out free trips to Jamaica?'" --Seth Meyers and Amber

Scottish Parliament officially changed the name of 'gingerbread men' to 'gingerbread people' to make them gender-neutral. "And that's great. But they leave crumbs everywhere and they don't wear pants, so I'm pretty sure they're men." Seth Meyers and Jenny

According to a recent article, a movie is in the works about the life of Rosa Parks. "The article was originally on the front page, but it was asked to move to the back." --Seth Meyers and Amber

Rapper Post Malone announced that he has designed a special pair of Crocs. "Said lesbians -- 'All Crocs are special.'" --Seth Meyers and Jenny

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The previous record for wetness (Only 2,000 times said my p*nis)

For Christmas, Michael Che and Colin Jost make each other read jokes that they have never seen before...

A church in Massachusetts created a nativity scene that comments on the immigration debate by placing the baby Jesus in a cage….where he belongs. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new study shows that the average American touches their mobile device more than 2,000 times a day. Only 2,000 times said my penis. --Michael Che, SNL

Nigeria’s president Muhammadu Buhari denied for months old rumors that he had died and  been replaced by a look-a-like from Sudan. See, even Africans can’t tell black people apart. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new report shows Hurricane Florence was the wettest hurricane in history. The previous record for wetness was set on the opening night of Magic Mike. --Michael Che, SNL

Last week was National Rosa Parks Day. Or as we call it in my house, “Uppity Bus Passenger Day.” --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Papa John's vs Little Caesars

Papa John's is NOT losing money because of the NFL protest. They are losing money because they treat their workers like crap.

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

At this point, who even remembers who owned who? (Hindsight is 2020)

"Today in Philadelphia, Barack Obama gave a major speech on race in America. I'm sorry, but I believe we solved racism in America when Rosa Parks drove that bus to Congress. Okay, have we forgotten so soon? Come on, it's been hundreds of years. At this point, who even remembers who owned who?" --Stephen Colbert

"Now, for days, the media has been endlessly playing footage of Obama's former pastor, Jeremiah Wright, who has said some very offensive things that I will not repeat here. He will [on screen: Wright saying, 'Goddamn America for treating our citizens as less than human. Goddamn America as long as she tries to act like she is God and she is supreme]. Wait a second, did he just call America 'she'? Reverend Wright, have you seen Florida? If America is a she, I would hate to see her Adam's apple." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

It's like a wedding registry for the most boring couple you know

It's been nearly two weeks since members of an anti-government militia took over a federal bird sanctuary in Oregon in order to protest the government's control of federal lands. The members of the militia are heavily armed with AR-15s, AK-47s, and other lethal weaponry one would expect to find on a bunch of dudes guarding some cockatoos. –James Corden

Ammon Bundy, the leader of the militia, has compared his occupation of the wildlife refuge to that of Rosa Parks. And I think we all remember when Rosa Parks got on a public bus, sat down, then whipped out an AK-47 and threatened to kill anyone who made her change seats. –James Corden

The militia are short on supplies, and have released a wish list of items they hope people will donate to their cause. You have to see this list. These guys did not plan ahead. They're asking for four aprons, ice scrapers, candles, throw rugs. It's like a wedding registry for the most boring couple you know. –James Corden

There is only one thing they say they needed badly on this list — eggs. They need eggs badly, at a bird sanctuary. –James Corden

Why is he talking to that mannequin?

"John McCain addressed critics who believe he will be too old to run for a sixth term in the Senate, saying that he's still healthy and ready to go. Then people around McCain said, 'Why is he talking to that mannequin?'" –Jimmy Fallon



"The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads." –Conan O'Brien