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Showing posts with label DeflateGate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DeflateGate. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

the 100-meter wander off (filled with too much air)


Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air. –Conan O’Brien


In San Diego, a 100-year-old man set five world records at a track meet. He set a record in the 50-meter dash, the 800-meter run and the 100-meter wander off. –Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


Tuesday, September 16, 2025

Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president (what the state fears right now)


Earlier tonight was the big season opener for the NFL, where the Patriots played their first game since the “Deflategate” scandal. I don’t want to say the refs spent a long time examining balls, but today, they were hired by the TSA. –Jimmy Fallon


Yesterday Joe Biden told some of Hillary’s campaign workers that he’s also had pneumonia before, and that if the doctor tells you to take three days off, you should actually take SIX days off. Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president. –Jimmy Fallon


Everyone’s still talking about Donald Trump. Even Tom Brady. In an interview yesterday, Brady said that Donald Trump occasionally calls him up to give “motivational speeches.” I think we know the REAL reason Tom Brady destroyed his cellphone. –Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Thursday, June 12, 2025

We share common values like hard work, patriotism, and ditching your first two wives (Nothing Happened Day)


New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is coming out with a cookbook. The cookbook teaches you how to make a soufflĂ© that falls then re-inflates at halftime. –Conan O’Brien


"Today is the 20-year anniversary of the Tiananmen Square protest. Yeah, yeah. Or, as the Chinese government refers to it, 'Nothing Happened Day.'' --Conan O'Brien


White House insiders say that President Trump feels comfortable with Rudy Giuliani because they’re from the same generation. Giuliani said, "We share common values like hard work, patriotism, and ditching your first two wives." --Conan O’Brien


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Sunday, May 25, 2025

Oh, and he was also deflating footballs (I'm my own man, plus another guy)


"I have nothing against the North Koreans but this Kim Jong Un has got a screw loose. A member of his cabinet, his security minister, nods off, falls asleep. We've all done it. Kim Jong Un takes the guy out and has him executed, just for just falling asleep. Oh, and he was also deflating footballs." –David Letterman


"Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'" –David Letterman


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, February 8, 2025

Why not put her face on a bottle of syrup while you're at it (how to deal with deflated balls)


California attorney general Rob Bonta announced that Kamala Harris would clear out the field if she runs for California Governor. Wow, saying a black woman would clear out the field? Why not put her face on a bottle of syrup while you're at it. —Greg Gutfeld


According to the New York Post, 72-year-old Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend Jordon Hudson are rumored to be engaged. Yes it was love at first will. Word is she reached out to Tom Brady on how to deal with deflated balls. —Greg Gutfeld


Bret Baier  is going to interview Trump at Mar-a-Lago for the Super Bowl pregame show. Meanwhile Kristi Noem is not allowed within 100 feet of the Puppy Bowl. —Greg Gutfeld


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Thursday, November 7, 2024

then he asked how long it takes eyebrows to grow back (Oven Mitts)


Earlier tonight was the big season opener for the NFL, where the Patriots played their first game since the “Deflategate” scandal. I don’t want to say the refs spent a long time examining balls, but today, they were hired by the TSA. –Jimmy Fallon


This morning, North Korea claimed it successfully tested its fifth and most powerful nuclear warhead. Kim Jong Un called the test a major triumph, then asked how long it takes eyebrows to grow back. –Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Today, ABC asked him to be the next ‘Grizzled Bachelor.’ (fans everywhere were absolutely deflated)


“After 24 seasons as head coach, Bill Belichick is leaving the New England Patriots. Yep, even though Belichick is in his 70s, the job offers are already rolling in. Today, ABC asked him to be the next ‘Grizzled Bachelor.’” Jimmy Fallon

“I don’t know about you, but I’ll miss the way Bill Belichick’s smile lit up a room.” Jimmy Kimmel


“My staff over here tells me that upon hearing the news, Patriots fans everywhere were absolutely deflated.” Stephen Colbert


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Monday, September 11, 2023

Even if you're just going out to have a smoke (I think we know the REAL reason Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone)


The Surgeon General said more Americans should start going on

walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, "Even if you're just

going out to have a smoke." –Jimmy Fallon


Earlier tonight was the big season opener for the NFL, where the Patriots played their first game since the “Deflategate” scandal. I don’t want to say the refs spent a long time examining balls, but today, they were hired by the TSA. –Jimmy Fallon


Everyone’s still talking about Donald Trump. Even Tom Brady. In an interview yesterday, Brady said that Donald Trump occasionally calls him up to give “motivational speeches.” I think we know the REAL reason Tom Brady destroyed his cell phone. –Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Monday, September 19, 2022

I guess Brady just loves anything that releases air (and I have to say, it smells it)


New York Mets player Wilmer Flores excited fans this weekend after changing his walk-up music to the theme song from "Friends." 'Cause if there’s one thing Mets fans understand, it’s when it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year. –Seth Meyers


New York City turned 352 years old yesterday, and I have to say, it smells it. –Seth Meyers


New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady said over the weekend that he's not sure who he'll vote for, but he loves Donald Trump. I guess Brady just loves anything that releases air. –Seth Meyers


A man in Texas last week rode his horse into a Taco Bell restaurant — but, weirdly, he left alone. –Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


Friday, October 27, 2017

he got the idea from the New England Patriots (who invites O.J. to their wedding?)




"Today, the director of National Intelligence asked Congress to expand the government's power to read people's e-mails and spy on their phone conversations. The Intelligence Director admitted he got the idea from the New England Patriots." --Conan O'Brien

"They say O.J. Simpson was involved in a robbery at a Las Vegas casino. He was at The Palms, which is the same hotel where Britney Spears sang in the MTV Awards. That makes two failed comebacks in the same week. O.J. Simpson said he was in Vegas with some golf buddies for a wedding, and one of the guys just happened to have a gun. Really? Who goes golfing with a gun? Robert Blake? And second of all, who invites O.J. to their wedding?" --Jay Leno
     
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Friday, August 11, 2017

if you’re a Los Angeles Rams fan... (Siberia’s not so bad)




A Russian spy plane was spotted over New Jersey. Yeah. The Russian pilot was overheard saying, “You know, Siberia’s not so bad.” –Conan O’Brien

Football stadiums are going to get a delivery system that will bring food right to your seat. However, if you’re a Los Angeles Rams fan, your food will most likely be intercepted and returned for a touchdown. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 


Monday, March 20, 2017

JOKES: They are going to rename it the New England Patriot Act



"Hillary Clinton out on the campaign trail. She's very sly. You know, she's been campaigning about Black History Month, and she said today that America has come so far that a black man could one day grow up and possibly be vice president of the United States." --Jay Leno

"And Senator John McCain was on the Larry King show the other night. He and Larry got in a big argument over whose prostate was larger." --Jay Leno

"And President Bush is now pushing Congress to expand the government's ability to spy on Americans now that the current phone tap bill has expired. In fact, to gain support for a new spying Bill, they're bringing in coach Bill Belichick. Yeah. They are going to rename it the New England Patriot Act." --Jay Leno



Sunday, May 15, 2016

Bill Murray knows it's Monday, but...





proceeds from book for Paralyzed Veterans of America

Some reviews of my work:

His poetry will go on being read and studied for years to come. From his pillowcases with magical powers, the consequences of a man coming home five minutes too late, or a Marine platoon in Vietnam making a left turn instead of turning right. The poems build upon one another with lines of creation, then of destruction. Then start all over again with the next poem and the next line. It will wear you down. An overwhelming presence here. And while you are reading, starvation seems inevitable. Survival unsure.
An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
Kristina Betts, Lapel Review

It made me blow the dust off my copy of Orwell’s 1984. An amazing compilation.
Susan Hampton, Edgewood Journal

I fully agree with Bukowski Lover's concise review. John Hulse does, indeed evoke the wordplay of the Late CB, but he brings an honesty and openness way to beautiful and fragile, so that you'll weep every time that pure sweetness meets the mean streets of this Reality we all share. He'll make you yearn for its Deliverance, and then, suddenly, you'll know what you must do to save it. ... and you're not alone... even if you feel like it. Hulse evokes here a sort of Matthew 5: 1-12 Beatitudes for our times, through deep-diving, immersive views into the world of Empathy and Mercy, and Compassion that are spell-binding in their simplicity.

This book should be included in the "Welcome to Humanity" Packets for all newcomers. John Hulse is a true Master of the Word, and most tender of Champions for the Human Condition.

Mr. Hulse displays a mastery of the foibles of humanity—specifically men. He’s got a sharp wit, a fresh an interesting take on relationships, and isn’t afraid to push the envelope with his content. His bio discusses his world travels and myriad life experiences, and this reader can’t help but notice how his past very obviously affects his work. It appears to be an organic evolution, because growth in technique, word selection, and image creation is evident throughout. A thoroughly entertaining jaunt through the mind of a man who is without doubt as interesting as his work.

Whenever I’ve had the opportunity to read Mr. Hulse’s work, I am always struck by the mix of brutal honesty and humorous social commentary. He hasn’t failed to impress with this latest release. His jabs at the evil of corporate America, his insights into the dichotomous nature of public America, and his humble and hilarious comments on his personal life never disappoint. His raison d’ĂŞtre is poetry, and this dedication is obvious. With the loss of so many great poets in the last 10 or 15 years, I am glad another voice is there to contribute to the art.



Friday, May 6, 2016

Tom Brady's cookbook teaches you how to...



Today is the Mexican holiday of Cinco de Mayo. Or as it will be known under President Trump, "May the Goddamn Fifth." –Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump said his vice presidential pick might be one of his presidential rivals. When asked which one, Trump said, "I haven’t decided yet if it’s the liar, the loser, or the fat pig." –Conan O’Brien
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is coming out with a cookbook. The cookbook teaches you how to make a soufflĂ© that falls then re-inflates at halftime. –Conan O’Brien


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

nothing beats doing meth in a Walmart parking lot?



Whatever celebrities think, Trump is a hit with voters. Maybe it's because he panders to them. At a rally in Rhode Island, deep in the heart of New England Patriot country, Trump yelled, “Leave Tom Brady alone!” The crowd went crazy. Getting cheers by saying “leave Tom Brady alone” in New England is as easy as getting cheers for saying, "Donald Trump should not be president." –James Corden
Trump's been pandering like this wherever he goes. In New York, he said pizza is the best. In Portland, he said gluten is the devil's handiwork. And in Florida, he said nothing beats doing meth in a Walmart parking lot. –James Corden
The polls said Donald Trump was going to steam-roll his rivals in Pennsylvania, and he did. Next, he's going to build a hotel on top of them. –Jimmy Kimmel


Friday, January 29, 2016

a handsome man being consoled by a Brazilian supermodel



Gisele Bundchen shared a picture of Tom Brady after he lost the NFL playoffs. It was a heartbreaking photograph of a handsome man being consoled by a Brazilian supermodel. –Conan O’Brien
Ben of Ben & Jerry’s is coming out with an ice cream for Bernie Sanders called "Bernie’s Yearning." It’s selling a lot better than Jerry’s ice cream for Hillary, "Pantsuit Email Crunch." –Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump is refusing to take part in the debate on Fox News tomorrow night because Megyn Kelly, one of the moderators there, is someone he does not like. This morning he tweeted, “I refuse to call Megyn Kelly a bimbo because that would not be politically correct. Instead I will only call her a lightweight reporter.” He said that at 5:45 a.m. You have to hand it to him, Trump insults more women by 6:00 a.m. than most people do all year. –Jimmy Kimmel


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

and he hasn't seen her since



The blizzard also caused power outages all over the place. In fact, they had blackouts in New Jersey, North Carolina, and the Oscars. –Jimmy Fallon
That's right, the Broncos beat the Patriots to win the AFC Championship last night. Tom Brady was sacked four times. Brady was hit so hard, a kid in the stands actually caught one of his Uggs. –Jimmy Fallon
Shonda Rhimes is set to executive produce a show on ABC that picks up at the end of Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet." So I guess no one at ABC read the end of "Romeo and Juliet." –Jimmy Fallon
An Australian company has developed a new pair of smart yoga pants that vibrate when you hold a yoga pose correctly. One man got a pair for his wife, and he hasn't seen her since. –Jimmy Fallon


Friday, January 15, 2016

What is it with Tom Brady and deflated leather balls?



"Straight Outta Compton" only got one nomination and it went to the two white people who wrote the screenplay. Not a joke. So congratulations to all the nominees on their powerful Caucasian performances. –Jimmy Kimmel
Donald Trump said this week that his high poll numbers in Massachusetts are due to his support from Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady. Man, what is it with Tom Brady and deflated leather balls? .” –Seth Meyers
A new poll shows that in the last month, Hillary Clinton's lead in Iowa has shrunk from 9 percent to 2 percent. Meanwhile, her fake smile has grown 200 percent. .” –Seth Meyers


Thursday, September 17, 2015

I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air



Earlier tonight the second Republican debate took place here in California. With 10 men and only one woman, everyone thought they were watching “The Bachelorette.” –Conan O’Brien
In China, people are selling their kidney to buy an iPhone 6. What's going to happen when the iPhone 7 comes out? –Conan O’Brien
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air. –Conan O’Brien