Sadly, on the same corner (golden retrievers)

Prince Andrew has been stripped of his royal title of Prince due to his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein, and Andrew says he can only become prince again if he gets a kiss from a young princess. —Michael Che

A golden retriever in Virginia became an Internet celebrity after his owners posted videos of the dog stealing items from around the house. Meanwhile, a black Lab who did the same thing got the death penalty! —Michael Che

A 101-year-old woman from New Jersey says she still goes to work six days a week. Sadly, on the same corner. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You never put that stuff in writing (Limo was the name of her waxer)

According to FEC filings, Rashida Tlaib spent $35,000 on limo services. Turns out Limo was the name of her waxer. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Virginia AG candidate Jay Jones says he's deeply sorry about the text he sent wishing murder on his opponent. But Hillary Clinton told him that was just a rookie mistake. You never put that stuff in writing. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, first one's on the house (a stunning abuse of power)

March Madness began today with top seeds going to Duke, Gonzaga, Virginia, and, in a stunning abuse of power, Trump University. --Seth Meyers

New York governor Andrew Cuomo has endorsed a new two-strikes plan that would permanently ban people from the subway if they are convicted of two sexual offenses on mass transit. First of all...two?! You're just telling every pervert in town, "Hey, first one's on the house." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground (Police are describing the suspect as his mother)

In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother. –Conan O’Brien

Chipotle has closed a location in Dallas after diners filmed three rats falling from the ceiling. Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The troops are inanimate objects to these swine (Me Just Tryna Live My Life v. Ladies Be Crazy, Amirite?)

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito has come under fire after photos showed an upside-down American flag flying in front of his Virginia home shortly after the insurrection on Jan. 6, 2021. There is no possible reason for a Supreme Court justice displaying a symbol of insurrection at his home, which is why, when this photo was published, Alito immediately did the right thing, owned up and blamed his wife. —Stephen Colbert

So he dropped a dime on his gal, citing the landmark case of ‘Me Just Tryna Live My Life v. Ladies Be Crazy, Amirite?’ — Stephen Colbert

So, Alito clearly knew about this because he came and went for several days, and, to paraphrase my favorite spangled banner, ‘The flag was still there.’ — Stephen Colbert 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Economists are saying a single letter hasn't caused this many problems since the letter 'Dubya.' (They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed)

"There's speculation that the 1,000-point drop in the Dow may have been sparked by a typo, where someone entered 'billion' instead of 'million' on a trading order. Economists are saying a single letter hasn't caused this many problems since the letter 'Dubya.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a stunning abuse of power (Rock Sand)

It was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by Donald Trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by Dr. Ben Carson days before. People first became suspicious when Trump’s op-ed began, “As a black doctor…” --Seth Meyers

March Madness began today with top seeds going to Duke, Gonzaga, Virginia, and, in a stunning abuse of power, Trump University. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know the difference between a cat and a politician? (parking in the rear)

"Well, in his new book, Karl Rove said that the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq badly damaged the Bush administration's credibility. It's all in his new book here, it's called 'Duh.'" –Jay Leno

“It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and a politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you.” –Jay Leno

“Rick Santorum is so conservative, he won't even shop at Dick's Sporting Goods. He wants mailmen to stop wearing those shorts. He's so conservative, he won't even shop at a store that has parking in the rear.” –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is a witch — oh, wait a minute, OK. (Task failed successfully)

In Virginia this weekend, Donald Trump walked on stage to a recording of the national anthem by the “J6 prison choir” of incarcerated insurrectionists. Man, these Trump rallies are fucking weird. They’re like half mega-church and half Comic-Con but with way worse merch. —Seth Meyers

“That’s right, the Supreme Court ruled that states cannot keep Trump off their ballots, which means that the Supreme Court remains the only place where Trump can win the popular vote.” — Seth Meyers

“Speaking of former President Trump, today the Supreme Court unanimously ruled that Colorado is not allowed to remove him from the 2024 ballot. Then out of habit, Trump immediately appealed the decision. He’s like, ‘This is a witch — oh, wait a minute, OK.’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It contains sea life that has inspired some of our most breathtaking screensavers (Congratulations, Georgey!)

"John Edwards' departure leaves the Democratic nomination down to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, which means that the Founding Fathers finally have a winner in their 'How Long Will It Take Our Nation To Nominate A Non-White Male' betting pool. Oh, I can't wait to find out who is the winner. Ladies and gentlemen, George Mason of Virginia correctly guessed 219 years. Congratulations, Georgey!" --Jon Stewart

"Last week President Bush created the world's largest protected marine area, dubbed the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands National Monument. The preserve is larger than all of America's national parks combined. It contains sea life that has inspired some of our most breathtaking screensavers." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I went through a whole box of tissues watching a movie last night (why he didn't just hire a chauffeur)

President Trump was very busy all night tweeting about Hillary Clinton. And as a result, Melania Trump spent this morning thanking Hillary Clinton. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump now says he wants the wealthy to pay more taxes and undocumented minors to be allowed to stay in the country. Then, this morning, Trump accused himself of being born in Kenya. –Conan O’Brien

"Over the weekend Mitt Romney made an appearance at a NASCAR race in Virginia. There was an awkward moment when he asked a NASCAR driver why he didn't just hire a chauffeur." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Clinton bloggers are protesting what they feel is an abusively pro-Obama environment (Loose Lips Sink Bush's Approval Ratings)

 

"We all know why [the generals] are so critical of the defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld. They're being defensive because they weren't able to implement his brilliant plan [on screen: Operation 'Greet Us As Liberators']. It was so simple: Go in with 100,000 troops, topple the regime, everybody loves us, and we leave by Easter 2003. These ex-military men have their right to their opinions, that's fine. They just shouldn't voice them during a war [on screen: 'Loose Lips Sink Bush's Approval Ratings']" --Stephen Colbert

"But there is some good news, nation. The Democrats are killing themselves. This week, on the liberal website Daily Kos, a civil war has broken out. Clinton bloggers are protesting what they feel is an abusively pro-Obama environment. Apparently, they were getting the crap hoped out of them. I read all 1,258 angry comments. Folks, I love when Democrats spend all their time in anonymous Internet feuds, anything to keep them off the 'Casual Encounters' section on Craigslist. Meanwhile, Barack Obama was on the defensive over his ties to controversial Reverend Jeremiah Wright. Yesterday, he responded with a speech on race. Press reaction to the speech was mixed. The New York Times compared it to addresses by Lincoln, FDR and Kennedy, and called it 'powerful' and 'frank.' While the Los Angeles Times compared it to speeches by Lincoln, FDR and Kennedy, but called it 'remarkable' and 'historic.' Oh, but every time I give a speech about how angry black people are, they call me a racist." --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground (Police are describing the suspect as his mother)

In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother. –Conan O’Brien

Chipotle has closed a location in Dallas after diners filmed three rats falling from the ceiling. Don’t worry, the rats died of E. coli before they hit the ground. –Conan O’Brien

Football stadiums are going to get a delivery system that will bring food right to your seat. However, if you’re a Los Angeles Rams fan, your food will most likely be intercepted and returned for a touchdown. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why are you mad about this, but not this? (even if she doesn't win is going to look great on her resume)

Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the United States, which even if she doesn't win is going to look great on her resume. –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush's memoir is set to come out just in time for the midterm elections and it has some Republicans upset because it may remind voters of — President Bush." –Jimmy Kimmel

Hillary’s choice for running mate, Virginia Sen. Tim Kaine, gave a speech last night where he revealed that not only does he habla español, he can do a Donald Trump impression. He did such a convincing job that Tim Kaine is now leading Hillary Clinton by 3 percent. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Help, I don’t want to be president anymore (How Do You Sleep at Night? pillows)

President Trump on Friday walked out of an Oval Office signing ceremony without actually signing his two executive orders on trade. That’s literally our best hope against the Trump administration — him forgetting what he came into the room for. –Seth Meyers

Virginia police are investigating vandalism at Trump National Golf Club over the weekend. They found graffiti that said, “Help, I don’t want to be president anymore.” –Seth Meyers

Bed Bath & Beyond recently announced that it will continue to sell Ivanka Trump products. So, be sure to pick up her new line of “How Do You Sleep at Night?” pillows. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They open you up to the possibility that everything you know is wrong (Well how do you like that)

“A school in Virginia is returning a wallet to a woman 70 years after she lost it in a school gym. ‘Well how do you like that,’ said the black man still in jail for stealing it.” —Michael Che

“Pennsylvania police arrested a man who tried to rent a horse online so that he and his wife could have sex with the animal, but the man had no idea that the whole time he was actually chatting with a police horse.” —Michael Che

“A new album from R Kelly was removed from streaming sites several hours after being uploaded, and it was not easy to remove his streams, said the maid who cleaned his couch.” —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

So if you'll excuse me I've got some white women to whistle at (Wow! Shout Out to Fixodent)

“Virginia has become the first state in the South to abolish the death penalty so if you'll excuse me I've got some white women to whistle at.” —Michael Che

President Biden gave his first press conference that lasted over an hour. Wow! Shout Out to Fixodent. —Michael Che

“Yankees Legend Whitey Ford died this week at the age of 91. Ford reminds us of a simpler time when you could just name your kid Whitey.” —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jim Crow relics (OK, you're still mad)

Some democrats are demanding that the senate put an end to the filibuster rule which some call a Jim Crow relic. Also a Jim Crow relic. Some senators. —Michael Che

Some airlines have announced that as part of Coronavirus safety procedures they will now be boarding from the back of the plane so that First Class will be the last to board. Apparently watching all the people in coach silently trudging past you just doesn’t hit the way it used to. —Michael Che

A school in Virginia is returning a wallet to a woman 70 years after she lost it in a school gym. ‘Well, how do you like that,’ said a black man still in jail for stealing it. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We must decondition ourselves from 10,000 years of bad behavior (Don’t ever forget our rats)

April 2023

After his arraignment Donald Trump spoke to his supporters at Mar-a-Lago, and said that there was a very dark cloud over our beloved country, which is also what he called Obama. —Michael Che

Representative Marjorie Taylor Green seen here shouting, ‘Jump, you coward!’, visited New York to protest the arrest of Donald Trump and called the city ‘filthy, disgusting and repulsive.’ But as a New Yorker, let me just say you forgot rat infested. Don’t ever forget our rats. —Michael Che

A Virginia man who pranks people for YouTube videos was shot while tricking someone in a mall. Good. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling (Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge)

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. –Seth Meyers

A new study has been published providing more evidence that straight women have fewer orgasms than men during sex. Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge. –Seth Meyers

And finally, a brewery in Virginia is coming out with a new beer that it says tastes like Lucky Charms. Said customers, "No, you get ready for school!" --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”