Which is a really weird way to begin the nightly news (I never said I was a geology major)

October 2011

"Rick Perry said America's revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, 'I never said I was a geology major.'" –Conan O'Brien

"At the last Republican debate, the candidates were seated according to how they've been doing in the polls. So Jon Huntsman was seated next to Tim Pawlenty at a Denny's across the street." –Conan O'Brien 

"Brian Williams said if he ever left his wife for a man, that man would be Bruce Springsteen. Which is a really weird way to begin the nightly news." –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You do not want to be the waiter that adds the tax to their check (then visit the tanning bed that Boehner grew up in)

 "The Tea Party is forming its own debt super committee that will meet this week at a Florida Denny's. You do not want to be the waiter that adds the tax to their check." –Conan O'Brien

"Today President Obama is visiting the hometown of House Speaker John Boehner. Obama plans to give a speech and then visit the tanning bed that Boehner grew up in." –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he'll be publishing a memoir. It will be available in hardcover, paperback, and a book on tape that's impossible to understand." –Conan O'Brien

"The Tea Party has formed a debt supercommittee that will meet this week at a Denny's. It will be the first time in history that anyone at Denny's will be interested in trimming fat." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oh God, make him put clothes back on, my eyes! (Flabby, Grabby and Stabby)

Alan Dershowitz is one of the lawyers defending Trump at his impeachment trial. Dershowitz also defended Harvey Weinstein, O.J. Simpson and now Trump. Wow, think about that. Weinstein, O.J. and Trump. Flabby, Grabby and Stabby. —Bill Maher

“The first official day of Donald Trump’s Senate impeachment trial stretched deep into the night and marked a pivotal day in the history of the republic. Soon, we will find out if breaking the law is illegal.” —Stephen Colbert

“So far, I don’t like the odds. That’s perhaps because Tuesday’s activity involved voting on trial rules proposed by the Senate majority leader and scrotum of the opera Mitch McConnell, whose proposal did not admit any new evidence or allowed for witnesses to be called. No evidence, no witnesses, just 100 old people stuck in a room together – this isn’t a trial. It’s the 4 o’clock dinner rush at Denny’s.” —Stephen Colbert

“Congressman Adam Schiff called BS on McConnell’s claim of holding a fair trial with precedent in the Clinton impeachment. Who knows if his argument is going to make any difference in the long run but it just feels good for someone to stand up and name the lie we can all plainly see. It’s like the little boy yelling, ‘The emperor has no clothes! Oh God, make him put clothes back on, my eyes!’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

and the loser takes the fall for Ukraine (trying to explain his extensive brain damage)

“Tomorrow you’ll be patting, rubbing, and stuffing your turkey, while today, the T.S.A. did all of that to you.” --Jimmy Fallon

“As for other Thanksgiving foods, pies or cookies are allowed right in your carry-on, gravy and cranberry sauce can go in your checked luggage, and corn pudding can go directly to hell.” --Stephen Colbert

“Even though it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow, you can still go to Applebee’s, Boston Market and Denny’s. It’s perfect if you just realized something’s not working, like your oven, your stove or your marriage.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Last night, President Trump held a rally in Sunrise, Florida, and he called the impeachment inquiry a scam, a terrible hoax and a witch hunt. People in the crowd were like, ‘Looks like we’re getting leftovers before Thanksgiving.’” --Jimmy Fallon

“President Trump this afternoon tweeted an image of his head on Sylvester Stallone’s body from the movie poster for ‘Rocky III.’ So he’s either trying to tell us how tough he is, or he’s trying to explain his extensive brain damage.” --Seth Meyers

“But Trump is currently at Mar-a-Lago to celebrate Thanksgiving. He’s actually excited about the holiday because this year, Eric and Don Jr. are gonna pull the wishbone, and loser takes the fall for Ukraine.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Lives in a cocoon of his own mistruth (True Welfare Royalty)

President Trump also held a contentious budget meeting at the White House this week with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. If you missed it, just go to Denny’s and watch three grandparents fight over the check. --Colin Jost, SNL

After the meeting Schumer said that Trump, “Lives in a cocoon of his own mistruth.” Dude, just call him a liar. They forget they’re talking to a country where most people share their opinion through pictures of fire or a dookie with eyeballs. --Colin Jost, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think you're looking at faking your own death at this point (Free Stuff?)

"As you may have heard, the state of California is broke. So you're looking at massive state layoffs now because the legislature hasn't been able to come up with a budget. The state is $42 billion in the hole. You know, I'm no financial expert, but if you have no money and no prospects of making money and you owe $42 billion, you're way beyond putting yourself on a budget, O.K.? I think you're looking at faking your own death at this point." --Jay Leno

"Meanwhile, while Obama's signing the stimulus package bill in Denver, John McCain was busy at Denny's, sectioning his grapefruit." --David Letterman

"President Obama today signed his trillion dollar economic stimulus bill into law. The spending package passed through Congress with almost no Republican support, but Obama says he's still focused on bringing real bipartisanship to government. He even went so far as to send every Republican in Congress today a jar of peanuts, which I thought was nice." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

For the survival of the world (IQ tests)

Last week we learned that Rex Tillerson was quoted as calling Trump an "effing moron" behind his back. Trump tweeted the story was false. Clearly this is still eating at the president. This morning in a new interview with Forbes Magazine, they asked him about it and he said, "I think it's fake news. If he did that, I guess we'll have to compare IQ tests and I can tell you who was going to win." Rex Tillerson, right? –Jimmy Kimmel

No intelligent person would get into an IQ contest with his own secretary of state. At this point I'm not sure Donald Trump could finish the maze on the back of a Denny's kids' menu. –Jimmy Kimmel

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I’ll have a grand jury, with a side of bacon (have a disaster come to them)

President Trump started his big vacation today. But before he left, he visited FEMA’s headquarters. FEMA said it was a nice change of pace to have a disaster come to them. –Jimmy Fallon

But the big story is that Special Counsel Robert Mueller is bringing evidence before a grand jury for the Russia investigation. Trump was confused, because he thought a grand jury was something you order at Denny’s. “I’ll have a grand jury, side of bacon.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems