In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators (Hey, we don't do anything for anybody)

January 2013

"Americans from all sides of the political spectrum seem to be upset about this fiscal cliff deal. Imagine how the Chinese must feel. It's their money." –Jay Leno

"The National Journal says Joe Biden maybe the most influential vice president in history. Is that really a compliment? Isn’t that like being the tallest hobbit?" –Jay Leno

"John Boehner was re-elected speaker of the house, which is pretty amazing – a Republican winning anything these days." –Jay Leno

"Chris Christie also lashed out at Congress for doing nothing for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. But in their defense Congress says, 'Hey, we don't do anything for anybody.'" –Jay Leno

"Congress has approved some version of this fiscal cliff bill thing. Well, taxes are going up, and now, they're looking to make cuts just about everywhere. In fact, oil companies today had to lay off 15 senators." –Jay Leno

"The National Journal says that Joe Biden may be the most influential vice president in history. Joe Biden got this exciting news while he was walking President Obama's dog, Bo." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then you won me back with '9,000 pounds of cheese.' (The Can't-Understandables)

December 2012

 "Yesterday, President Obama and John Boehner talked about the fiscal cliff for 45 minutes, but the White House will not release a transcript of their conversation. However, they did offer to have Joe Biden re-enact it with puppets." –Jimmy Fallon

"Wait, we're facing one of the biggest threats to our economy and they only met for 45 minutes? That's not even the opening credits of 'The Hobbit'!" –Jimmy Fallon

"Last week a group of chefs baked the world's largest pizza, which is gluten-free and contains 9,000 pounds of cheese. Or as Americans put it, 'You had me at 'world's largest pizza' — you LOST me at 'gluten-free' — then you won me back with '9,000 pounds of cheese.''" –Jimmy Fallon

"There's talk that Jackie Chan may join the cast of 'The Expendables 3,' along with Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Chan — which explains the movie's next title: 'The Can't-Understandables.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We've only got about a week left, and I haven't even started packing (Saddam is hiding WMDs)

December 2012

"Christmas is just around the corner. It's just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns." –David Letterman

"The Mayan calendar says that on the 21st, we're done. We've only got about a week left, and I haven't even started packing." –David Letterman

"On the bright side, the end of the world kind of takes the edge off the fiscal cliff, doesn't it?" –David Letterman

"The Mayans predicted that last joke wouldn't work." –David Letterman

"'The Hobbit' opens today. It's going to make a ton of money this weekend. It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the election." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So happy 5778, everybody! I'm so glad it's 5778 (5777 sucked)

Eighty years ago today, J. R. R. Tolkien’s book “The Hobbit” was released. To give you an idea what 80 years feels like, watch the movie. –Seth Meyers

I’d like to wish my Jewish viewers a happy Rosh Hashanah. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I don't know, none of my Jewish writers are here today. –Stephen Colbert

Of course, Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year. So happy 5778, everybody! I'm so glad it's 5778; 5777 sucked. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the election

"'The Hobbit' opens today. It's going to make a ton of money this weekend. It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the election." –Craig Ferguson

"In what's being called a stunning literary find, a Danish historian has discovered the last remaining, unpublished fairy tale from Hans Christian Andersen. It's called 'Congress Solves the Fiscal Cliff.'" –Jay Leno



"Police are now looking for a man who robbed a bank wearing a Mitt Romney mask. He robbed the bank, fled the area, and then stashed the money somewhere in the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno