Donations

Showing posts with label Gary Johnson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gary Johnson. Show all posts

Thursday, January 2, 2020

they liked Obama a lot better when he was a Democrat (before we did something crazy)


"A new poll shows that President Obama's approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat." –Jay Leno

"The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That's a long trip for Joe Biden." –Jay Leno

"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has announced that he will run for president in 2012. His campaign slogan: 'Even I've never heard of me.'" –Jay Leno

"The Senate Intelligence Committee -- that almost sounds like an oxymoron -- released a report this week saying there's no evidence that Saddam Hussein had a relationship with al Qaeda. Thank God we found that out before we did something crazy." --Jay Leno

"And for the most ridiculous story of the week. This week, Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton is gay. I got to admit he hides it pretty well. Ann Coulter thinks Bill Clinton is gay? But she also thinks George Bush is smart, so you gotta take it with a grain of salt." --Jay Leno

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

That's where it gets interesting (Hair Force One)


"Michelle Obama said the most popular member of the family is their Portuguese water dog Bo. Donald Trump said, 'I want to see that Portuguese bitch’s papers.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson announced his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination. Because when the other candidates aren't generating enough excitement, it's time to bring out Gary Johnson." –Conan O'Brien

"His real name is Gary Hussein Johnson. That's where it gets interesting." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump is apparently on top among Republican voters. People are responding to his straight-forward honesty, tough talk, and utter lunacy. If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." –Jimmy Kimmel

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


Friday, December 23, 2016

Electoral College declares Cleveland Winner of World Series! (Final Vote Count 12/22/16)




Last vote count after vote of electoral college.

Hillary Clinton     65,844,610   48.2%
Donald Trump     62,979,636   46.1%

Third, Fourth, Fifth and Ninth Parties
                            7,804,213   5.7%




Let's say your favorite team is the Chicago Cubs and they are playing the Cleveland Indians in the World Series. It's Game 7 with everything on the line. The game is amazing, extra innings. Stomach in knots. But after 10 glorious innings the Cubs prevail over the Indians 8-7.

When all of a sudden, something called the Electoral College steps in and declares Cleveland the winner.

Welcome to American Democracy.

And hold on to your butts, here we go!

PS. Difference between Hillary and Trump?

2,864,974 votes

Maybe Trump will want to be remembered more like JFK
than worse than George W. Bush?



Thursday, October 13, 2016

I need slavery like I need a hole in the head (Yom Kippur)



Donald Trump told supporters last night to go out and vote on November 28th, when Election Day is actually November 8th. Unless November 8th is just a lie being spread by the liberal media. –Seth Meyers
Donald Trump, last night, criticized Republicans who are dropping support for his campaign, saying, “I wouldn’t want to be in a foxhole with a lot of these people.” Trump made the comment while talking to everyone’s favorite foxhole, Bill O’Reilly. –Seth Meyers
Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, said this morning that Republicans should decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and “stop pussyfooting around.” That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln said, “I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.” –Seth Meyers
Today was Yom Kippur, or as Gary Johnson calls it, “The capital of Thailand?” –Seth Meyers
Former House Speaker John Boehner says he still plans on voting for Trump even though he said, “Donald wasn’t my first choice, wasn’t my second choice, for that matter he wasn’t my third choice.” “Who was your fourth choice?” whispered Jeb. –Seth Meyers


Wednesday, October 5, 2016

So if you’ve got weed, he's got papers (Bush gets a spanking)



A new report has found that despite his recent string of gaffes, Libertarian nominee Gary Johnson has four times as many newspaper endorsements as Donald Trump. So if you’ve got weed, he's got papers. –Seth Meyers
In an interview this weekend, Joe Biden described his relationship with President Obama as an older brother-younger brother dynamic. The only down side is when Obama forgets to pick him up from soccer practice. –Seth Meyers
According to a new report, the Zika virus may be able to spread through sweat and tears, which means one way or another come Nov. 8, we're all getting Zika. –Seth Meyers

Saturday, October 1, 2016

SOMEONE wants to be Donald Trump’s secretary of state (flying shoes)



Hillary Clinton has vowed to crack down on hackers who launch cyberattacks. She said, “If anyone’s going to abuse U.S. government computers, it’s gonna be me.” –Conan O’Brien
Yesterday, Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson was giving a television interview and was unable to name a single foreign leader. Hmmm… sounds like SOMEONE wants to be Donald Trump’s secretary of state. –Conan O’Brien
A woman in Virginia got nearly 600 calls after C-SPAN accidentally posted her number on the air. In response, the head of C-SPAN said, “Wait, we have 600 viewers?” –Conan O’Brien
This week, the FDA approved the first artificial pancreas. When they heard, all the “Real Housewives” said, “I don’t care what it does — if it’s fake I want it in me.” –Conan O’Brien


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

poem to Bernie supporters (7/12/16)/Is Jon Stewart available?



poem to Bernie supporters (7/12/16)

Our guy was the best guy. It wasn’t even close. His ideas would take this country forward and improve people’s lives by waves and waves over these next generations.

Elections are that important. Voting is that important. Glad you rode this ride with me wherever you are.

on what to do in November??

VOTE

For whoever the hell you want to. cast that ballot. Move things forward if you can. Let Bernie’s vision for this country move forward in you. He asked for candidates, thousands already are throwing their hats into the ring. They are sticking their chins out
and waiting for the smack. Well done. Big hugs to you from the cornfields…

We truly owe Sanders a great deal, the last time I heard a voice like his, someone who I believed was special, was John and Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King and yes William Jefferson Clinton.

I share the former president’s middle name (Jefferson),
I came within a daffodils bottom of being named

Thomas Jefferson Hulse..esq. you f***ers.

Hugs, kidding. I am also a tough dog to keep on the porch…

Dirty tricks, you had more than a few…
Imagine Sinatra….

         I’ll mention a few right now...

         Bernie Bros., Nevada, Barbara Boxer, flying chairs,
         fearing for their lives, MSNBC-no retractions,
        
hey, is that Brian Williams? I thought he got shot down
in Iraq? recognized the voice. turned around and there he was.

         reporting so bad, “reporters” were actually fired, rigged rules,
         magic coin flips, They are still counting ballots in California?

California? anything? anything at all?
alright, what have you gone and done with the votes California?

it’s a mystery, I guess.

         a million turned away at the polls or given secondary ballots…
         120,000 lost in Brooklyn. maybe near my old neighborhood 
         near Flatbush.

We saw corporate media for what it truly is. A shot of a podium waiting for an idiot. A lot of us realized that we were the idiots for watching this sh*t.

Don’t want to be disparaging, because I still LOVE some of my pals. (Need a beer, hang on. Sheldor AFK)

ahhhhh, little taste of England. NewCastle Brown Ale.
frosted mug. Living the high-life..

take it from someone who slept in hallways and boxes under bridges

and take it from someone who
has had bullets flying at his head.

Yes, I digress. Please forgive me.
PTSD is a
you pick a word for the day,
I sure as sh*t don’t know…

I digress once more.

Wow, I was thirsty. Three drinks
and my beer has almost disappeared.

my friends in Tokyo told me I was a very hard man to get drunk.
I pace myself.

Not tonight I guess.

while I have your attention…

my choice for Veep is,
you guessed it,

Bernie Sanders.

It would bring out voters by the Millions,
tens of millions, maybe 20 million voters…

Landslide.

Win senate with ease and make big gains in the House.
That would be the best decision you could make for the country.
Why not Bernie?

Right now Donald is Down by 4 and a half.
That could change in a week.
In a day.

If not Bernie, how about Al Franken?

I read every book that (he) wrote. job well done by ALL!

Even his Genius might find it hard to make funny
out of all that Hillary has brought with her wake.
If anyone can do it, it’s him. Is Jon Stewart available?

Elizabeth, I have heard her name mentioned. That Moyers video calling Hillary For Sale cannot be good. Not even sure she should be on the campaign trail…

shhhhh, disappear quietly…shhhhhhh.

kidding, or am I?

…..

Bernie supporters, on this trying day, we can hold our heads high and say, I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.



Thursday, January 7, 2016

However, you still have to conceal your science book



Since January 1st, Texas is allowing gun owners to carry their guns openly in most public places. However, you still have to conceal your science book. –Conan O’Brien
A new study came out that found the more porn a man watches, the less motivation he has. I was going to read more about the study, but for some reason I just completely lost interest. –Conan O’Brien
Former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson announced he is running for president as a Libertarian and he supports legalizing marijuana. You can tell he’s pro-marijuana, because he was supposed to announce he’s running four months ago. –Conan O’Brien


Thursday, April 28, 2011

They liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat




"A lot of people are worried about the safety of America's nuclear power plants. It's important to remember that we've never had a full meltdown. We came close with Charlie Sheen, though." –Jay Leno 




"A new poll shows that President Obama's approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat." –Jay Leno 



"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has announced that he will run for president in 2012. His campaign slogan: 'Even I've never heard of me.'" –Jay Leno 

That's where it gets interesting





"Michelle Obama said the most popular member of the family is their Portuguese water dog Bo. Donald Trump said, 'I want to see that Portuguese bitch’s papers.'" –Conan O'Brien


"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson announced his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination. Because when the other candidates aren't generating enough excitement, it's time to bring out Gary Johnson." –Conan O'Brien




"His real name is Gary Hussein Johnson. That's where it gets interesting." –Conan O'Brien