"Michelle Obama said the most popular member of the family is their Portuguese water dog Bo. Donald Trump said, 'I want to see that Portuguese bitch’s papers.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson announced his candidacy for the GOP presidential nomination. Because when the other candidates aren't generating enough excitement, it's time to bring out Gary Johnson." –Conan O'Brien
"His real name is Gary Hussein Johnson. That's where it gets interesting." –Conan O'Brien
"Donald Trump is apparently on top among Republican voters. People are responding to his straight-forward honesty, tough talk, and utter lunacy. If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." –Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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