"Traditional
conservatives want small government and the government is getting smaller
because congressmen are leaving office in disgrace. And one of those
congressmen is Mark Foley, who had some electronic conversations with young
congressional studs. And as I've said before, stud is just a text message
abbreviation for 'Strong Teen Using Democracy.' Now with Foley's resignation
came a disturbing revelation: there are gay Republicans -- apparently a whole
lot of them. This is absolutely not fabulous." --Stephen Colbert
"The Fox network has a
brand new show on Sunday nights. It's called, 'When Presidents Attack.' Did you
see that? Former President Clinton lashed out at reporter Chris Wallace the
other night on Fox News. When questioned about Osama bin Laden, Clinton said he
tried to kill bin Laden. I believe him, but we all know what bad aim Clinton
has." --Jay Leno
"Iranian President Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad is trying to win over the American people. It's sort of a PR
campaign. Earlier today, over at the U.N., he was signing baseballs that said,
'I'm sorry I enriched uranium'." --David Letterman
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