There must be a cheaper way to find the worst people in society (Upon hearing that Mike Pence threw out his TV)

Samsung has announced that to make it easier for users to watch smart phone videos it will begin selling a TV that can pivot between orientations. Upon hearing that Mike Pence threw out his TV. --Seth Meyers

"Hillary Clinton has temporarily changed her campaign logo to rainbow colors in support of marriage equality. Of course, her idea of marriage equality is that both of you should get to be president." –Seth Meyers

"The city of San Francisco announced that on January 1 tobacco of any kind will be illegal. So you'll finally be able to say to a police officer, 'No, no, this is just weed.'" Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He has been telling female co-workers their breasts are fair and balanced (foreign-sounding names)

Fox News said it will investigate multiple accusations against Bill O'Reilly for sexually harassing female co-workers. Apparently, for years O’Reilly has been telling female co-workers their breasts are "fair and balanced." –Conan O’Brien

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino from "Jersey Shore" is facing up to 15 years in prison on tax evasion charges. So basically, if you’re a reality star in this country and you don’t pay your taxes, we either put you in prison or make you President of the United States. –Conan O’Brien

"On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama's birth certificate could indicate that he's a Muslim. Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just a word of warning: Steer clear of Splash Mountain (No, no, this is just weed)

Entrepreneurs in Brazil are building a new theme park called “ErotikaLand” and it will feature rides and attractions based around sexuality. Just a word of warning: Steer clear of Splash Mountain. –Seth Meyers

President Trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. “Yes, but somehow we manage,” said Melania from her penthouse in New York. –Seth Meyers

A pizzeria in Brooklyn has created an edible pizza box. Chris Christie was like, “Wait, the old ones weren’t?” –Seth Meyers

"The city of San Francisco announced that on January 1 tobacco of any kind will be illegal. So you'll finally be able to say to a police officer, 'No, no, this is just weed.'" Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That would be like the governor of California banning breast implants (Cocaine Peppers)

"Here's a sign of the times are a-changin. The governor of Virginia has signed a new law banning smoking in bars and restaurants. In Virginia. See, that’s significant because Virginia is, like, the tobacco state. That would be like the governor of California banning breast implants." --Jay Leno

"Three different customers at a grocery store in Queens, New York, all bought peppers that turned out to have bags of cocaine stuffed inside them. Well, you thought spicy food kept you up all night." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Gee, I remember worse news. It was called cancer (any time anyone said G20, he'd go, 'Bingo!')

"Actually, this is highly unusual for the government to take this kind of action. I mean, the closest the previous administration came to getting involved in the car industry was Bush using jumper cables to jump-start Dick Cheney's heart." --Jay Leno

"See, I feel confident that it'll go well, because President Obama is very good with these economic leaders. He is a very good speaker, of course, and a good speech writer. See, the problem with President Bush was when he went to the summit, any time anyone said G20, he'd go, 'Bingo!'" --Jay Leno

"Now, I don't know if anybody here is a smoker. I hope you're not. But did you know tomorrow, the single-largest tobacco tax in history goes into effect? And I was listening to the radio. I had talk radio coming in this morning. A smoker was complaining, 'This is the worst news for smokers ever.' The worst news. Really? Gee, I remember worse news. It was called cancer. Wasn't it, huh? Wasn't that a little bit worse than an extra buck a pack?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

she only does it a couple of times a day (Worst President Ever)

More news of corruption in the Trump administration. The director for the Centers for Disease Control, which overseas regulation of cigarettes, resigned on Wednesday after it was revealed that she owns stock in a tobacco company. When reporters asked her why she thought it was OK to use her position for financial gain, she replied that she knows it's bad, she's just really trying to quit, she only does it a couple of times a day. --James Corden

This is the head of a public health agency making money from tobacco addiction. That would be like if the national security adviser was working for the Russians. Oh no, wait. That did happen. That's a bad example. It would be more like putting a climate change denier in charge of the environmental protection agency – oh no, that happened, too. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Hey, there’s no weed in there now, so technically, that is a vase (every animal in the forest)

Meanwhile, on Capitol Hill, it looks like Congress might finally do something about gun control. Yesterday, congressional Republicans signaled that they would be open to banning gun conversion kits called “bump stocks,” which take advantage of a semiautomatic gun’s natural recoil, allowing it to bounce back and forth off a shooter’s trigger finger and unleash up to 100 rounds in seven seconds. It’s great for hunting – if you’ve got seven seconds to kill every animal in the forest. –Stephen Colbert

Right now, these devices are totally legal because, according to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, a bump stock “Is a firearm part and, therefore, is not regulated as a firearm.” Yes, it’s not a gun, it’s just a part of a gun. Like when your parents find your bong and you tell them, “Hey, there’s no weed in there now, so technically, that is a vase.” –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

This goes against everything Congress represents (Toga, Toga!)

"President Bush met with the Dalai Lama at the White House. One kind of awkward moment. When the Dalai Lama walked into the Oval Office, he was wearing the traditional robe, and, of course, Bush started chanting, 'Toga, Toga!'" --Jay Leno

"He was given the Medal of Freedom. As you know, the Dalai Lama does not engage in sex, drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Which raises the question, what was Congress honoring him for? This goes against everything Congress represents." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

Now imagine trying to understand that while you're high (It's confusing, right?)

Marijuana is legal here in California by state law. But it's still technically illegal, according to federal law. So the LAPD, the police, can't arrest you for having pot but an FBI agent can. It's confusing, right? Now imagine trying to understand that while you're high. –Jimmy Kimmel

In other smoking-related news, the mayor of New York yesterday proposed a new bill that would raise the price of cigarettes to what would be the highest in the country. If the bill passes, a pack of cigarettes would cost $13 in New York. The only place where cigarettes would cost more is prison. –Jimmy Kimmel

Mayor Bill de Blasio says that when it comes to the health of New Yorkers, big tobacco is enemy No. 1. Enemy No. 2 is pizza. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

because they know that's the best way to reach congressmen

"Florida Congressman Mark Foley has resigned over allegations he sent explicit e-mails to underage boys. What is it with congressmen? If they're not grabbing your wallet, they're grabbing your ass." --Jay Leno

"How 'bout that Florida Congressman Mark Foley? At least the Democrats waited until the interns were over 18." --David Letterman

"This incident is changing the way big companies do business in Washington -- like tobacco companies are now hiring underage boys as lobbyists because they know that's the best way to reach congressmen." --Jay Leno