It's hard to type with one hand (9/11 changed everything)

"The big question now is what should be done with Mark Foley's seat in Congress. I say, spray it with Lysol, boil it, coat it with Bactine, and then maybe you can sit on it." --Jay Leno

"CNN is reporting that former Congressman Mark Foley's instant messages were not only sexually inappropriate, but were also full of typos. In his own defense, Foley said, 'It's hard to type with one hand.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The real battle now is how the GOP leadership handled the allegations. My guess is with some sort of latex glove." --Jon Stewart

"I'm sorry, this just in. I'm being told that Mark Foley masturbated into the slime tub at the 2004 Nickelodean Kids' Choice Awards. Apparently in his defense, as his lawyer noted today, 9/11 changed everything." --Jon Stewart