And then Melania Trump was like, “Yeah, I can.” (lizards)

An Australian family managed to save the life of a lizard they found at the bottom of their pool by performing CPR on it. Can you imagine putting your lips on a lizard? And then Melania Trump was like, “Yeah, I can.” –James Corden

I consider myself a confident guy. But I have never ever, not even after six drinks, thought to myself, “I could probably give CPR to a lizard.” That family revived the lizard by performing CPR for 30 minutes. I give up looking for the TV remote after 25 seconds. –James Corden

In a recent Reuters interview, President Trump reflected on his first 100 days in office saying, “I thought it would be easier.” What made you think it was going to be easy? This is what it did to a SMART person [shows 2008 and 2018 photos of Obama]. By the time you’re out of office, you’re going to look like the Toxic Avenger. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

It’s the first time Trump has ever said the words, “Rodrigo, please come to America.”

The creators of Fyre Festival, a luxury music festival that left attendees on an island without adequate food, water, shelter, or medical care, are all being sued for $100 million. If you want to attend the trial, tickets start at $5,000. –Conan O’Brien

It was announced today that Kelly Ripa’s new co-host will be Ryan Seacrest. Seacrest was relieved, and said those 20 minutes he wasn’t on television were the scariest of his life. –Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, President Trump invited brutal Filipino dictator Rodrigo Duterte to visit the White House. It’s the first time Trump has ever said the words, “Rodrigo, please come to America.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Even guys who go to Hooters for the wings were like, “Yeah, right.”

President Trump just did an interview where he wondered why the Civil War ever happened. Then Education Secretary Betsy DeVos said, “That’s easy, Captain America and Iron Man got in a big fight.” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump defended all his trips that he’s made to his golf courses, saying that he only goes there to hold meetings. Even guys who go to Hooters for the wings were like, “Yeah, right.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Even scarier, they DIND’T find Billy (boa constrictors)

According to a new CNN poll, 44 percent of Americans approve of the job President Trump is doing as he approaches his 100th day in office. While the other 56 percent said, “It’s only been 100 days?!” –Seth Meyers

A third-grade class in New Jersey recently found a boa constrictor in the back of their classroom. Even scarier, they DIND’T find Billy. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Trump is playing Tetris to practice building the wall (Take Your Kids to Work Day)

The White House invited reporters to bring their kids with them this morning for Take Your Kids to Work Day. Or as Trump calls it, every day. –Jimmy Fallon

It was really sweet. Trump asked the kids what they want to be when they grew up, and then they asked Trump what he wants to be when he grows up. –Jimmy Fallon

There’s a lot going on in Washington right now — Trump is working on a new budget, tax reform, healthcare, trade. So to make sure he doesn’t forget anything he actually likes to set reminders on his phone. For example, he has this one reminder that says, “Play Tetris to practice building the wall.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

What I did My First 100 Days (I’m not sure who to root for here)

Yesterday Sen. Ted Cruz introduced a bill to Congress called the El Chapo Act, which would use money seized from the Mexican drug lord El Chapo to pay for Donald Trump’s border wall. Now, this is a story about Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and El Chapo — and I’ll be honest, I’m not sure who to root for here. –James Corden

They’re calling it the El Chapo Act because what better way to build a wall than with money from a guy who’s famous for tunneling under walls? –James Corden

Ivanka Trump is being criticized after it came out the workers at a Chinese factory who make her fashion line earn roughly $1 an hour. President Trump was pretty upset with Ivanka. He was like, “Wait, you pay your workers?” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Oh, THAT’S what the red button on Trump's desk is for. Whew, thank God!

L.A. is one of the two finalists to host the 2024 Olympics. So if you want to attend one of the events in L.A., you should get on the freeway now. –Conan O’Brien

In Philadelphia, police are looking for a man who robbed a Dunkin’ Donuts, and was caught on a surveillance camera doing some stretches in the parking lot just beforehand. Police are on the lookout for the only health-conscious person to ever enter a Dunkin’ Donuts. –Conan O’Brien

The Associated Press revealed that President Trump has a single red button on his Oval Office desk that he can push at any time and have a butler bring him a Coke. And I think I speak for everyone when I say: Oh, THAT’S what the red button on his desk is for. Whew, thank God! –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats