Sadly, on the same corner (golden retrievers)

Prince Andrew has been stripped of his royal title of Prince due to his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein, and Andrew says he can only become prince again if he gets a kiss from a young princess. —Michael Che

A golden retriever in Virginia became an Internet celebrity after his owners posted videos of the dog stealing items from around the house. Meanwhile, a black Lab who did the same thing got the death penalty! —Michael Che

A 101-year-old woman from New Jersey says she still goes to work six days a week. Sadly, on the same corner. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

every show has a four wife minimum (it's your fault for not voting properly)

Major comedians are being slammed for taking money from Saudi Arabia to perform at the Riyadh Comedy Festival. The royals over there love it, even though every show has a four wife minimum. — Greg Gutfeld 

Kelly Ripa had to reach down into her cleavage after a microphone fell down there on air. A similar incident happened to Anna Navarro, but while retrieving it, they discovered three illegals. — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

making a choice between two people nobody can believe are our only available options (the real looting)

The Los Angeles Dodgers are in the World Series. They are playing the Houston Astros tomorrow night. The Dodgers haven’t been to the World Series since 1988. That was a long time ago. That is before anyone knew what a Kardashian was. Most people at that time thought it was an auto part. –Jimmy Kimmel

It’s our responsibility as Americans to register to vote, to go to our local polling places, and make a choice between two people nobody can believe are our only available options. –Jimmy Kimmel

The government released hundreds of documents seized from Osama bin Laden's compound. Among the items is a job application for al-Qaida. It's like a regular job application except it asks questions like, "Where do you see yourself exploding in the next five years?"—Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's our job to do the exact opposite (that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business)

"The House passed a bill where there's a tax now of 90% on the bonuses that these people get. So, half the Republicans voted against this. They said this is exactly the kind of punitive taxation that's going to drive good people out of the fraud business." --Bill Maher 

It's a bullish market. Lobbyists who used to just lease a congressman are now buying. --Bill Maher

"Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America except he has to show ID when he votes." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo (Russia, China, and her)

The hamburger chain In-N-Out is upset because a bikini-clad woman made a video of herself handling their meat in a suggestive way. The CEO said, "What kind of sicko would sexualize In-N-Out?" --Conan O’Brien

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

all the king’s men couldn’t hide who Dumpty humped with his friend (Choose the Exit)

“It’s a great day to be me, because I am not Donald Trump. That guy has got a lot of problems. First of all, the Jeffrey Epstein scandal just won’t ‘kill itself.’ And we might have a hint why Trump hasn’t been that eager to release those files. According to Dick Durbin, a Democratic senator from Illinois, a thousand FBI agents were put on 24-hour shifts in March to review approximately 100,000 records related to Epstein and flag any mentions of Trump. That is a suspiciously Herculean effort. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t hide who Dumpty humped with his friend.” —Stephen Colbert

Now even Maga is demanding answers – 11 congressional Republicans have said they will join Democrats to vote to release the Epstein files, making a majority in Congress. In response, speaker Mike Johnson shut down the House until September to block the vote. You cannot blame Trump and his allies for being scared here, because the more we know about Trump’s relationship to Epstein, the more we wish we didn’t. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Alexa, who paid the highest criminal fine in United States history? (I said that's my final offer)

An Australian man was arrested for stealing $100,000 worth of bull semen. It was valued at $100,000 after I said that's my final offer. —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile new data suggests Kamala Harris’s trouncing in 2024 could have been far worse if more people had voted. So if the Dems had worked harder to get out the vote they would have gotten fewer votes. Turns out their biggest enemies are their own policies, candidates and party. They're like a cat who's allergic to cats. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm starting to think that maybe the guy likes torture (our only available options?)

"According to a new estimate, Congress has had a full work week

just 14 percent of the time since 1978. Congress said they planned

to address the report next week because it's already Tuesday."

--Jimmy Kimmel

It’s our responsibility as Americans to register to vote, to go to our

local polling places, and make a choice between two people nobody

can believe are our only available options. –Jimmy Kimmel

"It was a great night for John McCain. In fact, all is going just

perfectly for John McCain until today when President Bush

endorsed him for president. All that hard work right down the

drain. The truth is, McCain asked President Bush to endorse

him. I'm starting to think that maybe the guy likes torture."

--Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The opposite of what America does (I don't recall giving you the day off)

"Scientists are saying that a giant asteroid could strike the earth in 2182, and that it could decimate the planet and destroy most forms of life. A spokesman for British Petroleum said, 'Been there, done that.'" –Craig Ferguson

"A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote." –Craig Ferguson

"The American government has shut down. Who do you think you are? You work for us. I don't recall giving you the day off." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If you want to stop by, look for the house that's been set on fire (just as our forefathers intended)

"For Halloween, a woman in Vermont is handing out kale to trick-or-treaters. If you're in Vermont and you want to stop by, look for the house that's been set on fire." –Conan O'Brien

"Cosmo magazine is encouraging female students in North Carolina to vote by offering a party bus to the voting polls that includes shirtless male models — just as our forefathers intended." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

What are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? (100 percent will still complain about the results)

A woman in Colorado says that after someone hit her car, they left an apology note, and half a joint. It got weirder when he came back later and said, “Did I accidentally leave my apology note here?” –Jimmy Fallon

"A new study estimates that only 3.4 percent of Americans will vote in the midterm elections next month. But on the bright side, 100 percent will still complain about the results." –Jimmy Fallon

A musical based on Cher’s life will come to Broadway next year. But I dunno — what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

both candidates claimed their microphone was broken (the hardest part was pretending they had never met the strippers before)

A man in the audience asked Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump to say one positive thing that they respect about each other. At this point, both candidates claimed their microphone was broken. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night was the presidential town hall debate between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, and the audience was made up of undecided voters — or as they’re also known, the worst people to be in line behind at Baskin-Robbins. –Jimmy Fallon

With the election just a month away, it seems like everyone’s encouraging people to vote. In fact, I saw that last week, some politicians in Arizona took part in a voter registration event at a strip club. The politicians said the hardest part was pretending they had never met the strippers before. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Time to party like it's 1939! (So, That Happened/Living Nightmare)

The election is finally here and tomorrow, people who cast their vote will receive one of those “I Voted” stickers. Actually, with such a crazy election, they’re going with a different sticker this year: “So, That Happened.” –Jimmy Fallon

"The big news is the midterm elections. Last night Republicans picked up a dozen seats in the House to give them their biggest majority since World War II. Or as they put it, 'Time to party like it's 1939!'" –Jimmy Fallon

Facebook is testing a new group phone call feature that will let you talk on the phone with up to 50 friends at once. If you want to try it, you go to Facebook, you click on “Features,” and then select “Living Nightmare.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turn-ons include tax cuts and spray tans (apparently it had a pre-existing condition)

"A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote." –Craig Ferguson

"Not such a great day for health care reform. The so-called public option died on the Senate floor today. It could have survived, but apparently it had a pre-existing condition." –Craig Ferguson

"Now that Vladimir Putin's gotten rid of daylight savings, it's just a matter of time before he decides to get rid of daylight altogether." –Craig Ferguson

"Rep. John Boehner is the new speaker of the House. Turn-ons include tax cuts and spray tans." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That outfit is appropriate for only two things: intimidating voters or assassinating James Bond in the Alps (post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland)

November 2022

“With the midterms now less than a week away, Republicans and Democrats are making their closing arguments to voters. The GOP’s argument is: stop voting. Donald Trump and other GOP figures have encouraged ‘poll watchers’ to intimidate voters at ballot drop boxes across the country. Here are photos of men in Arizona dressed in ski masks and body armor. That outfit is appropriate for only two things: intimidating voters or assassinating James Bond in the Alps.” —Stephen Colbert

“On Tuesday, an Arizona judge ordered armed election ‘monitors’ to stay at least 250 feet away from drop boxes. I think it’s fair to say democracy is in danger when ballot boxes take out a restraining order.” —Stephen Colbert

“The rightwing group the Oath Keepers, is on trial for seditious conspiracy for their role in the January 6th attack on the Capitol. January 6th wasn’t just about smashing glass and hanging Pence. It was also about apps for the table, as prosecutors claim that Oath Keepers met for a late-night meal after the attack at an Olive Garden. That explains their new slogan: ‘When you’re here, your family didn’t hug you enough as a child.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh wow, we’re finally getting a restroom? (Make jobs, Not war)

October 2022

“We are celebrating the first new Rihanna music in six long years. The singer and fashion mogul will release a new single, Lift Me Up, for the upcoming film Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. You understand how big this is? Rihanna plus Black Panther, what?! I haven’t experienced this much Black joy since that time Obama featured on that Cardi B track. It was just like, ‘Wap, wap, wap, I’ll tell you what makes my pussy wet: voting! Everybody vote!’” —Trevor Noah

“We are also looking at the beginning of Elon Musk’s tenure as owner of Twitter. To celebrate the occasion, Musk tweeted a video of him walking into Twitter HQ holding a sink with the caption ‘let this sink in’. What I want to know is where did he get that sink? Is it just the one he ripped out of the wall when the judge told him he had to buy Twitter? If anything, Elon is the right billionaire to make this joke. Because if Jeff Bezos walked into Amazon with a sink, his employees would be like ‘oh wow, we’re finally getting a restroom?’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”