Question number one: Is your spouse a governor? (Lawrence of Arrhythmia)

"Vice President Dick Cheney also paid a surprise visit to Iraq. And Cheney is very popular in the Middle East. I mean, he flashes them that nice, warm sneer and they just go crazy. And in that part of the world he is known as Lawrence of Arrhythmia." --David Letterman

"And now on Monday, right after being sworn in, the new governor of New York, David Paterson, he announces that he cheated on his wife. I'm thinking, this guy didn't waste any time, did he?" --David Letterman

"And now and not a minute too soon, there's a quiz that you can take to tell if your spouse is cheating. Question number one: Is your spouse a governor?" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Today Bush announced he's forming a coalition of cartoon characters (Junior Jumble)

"Former FEMA director Michael Brown is testifying before a Senate panel today. He was supposed to testify last week, but he just got there." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is taking this very, very seriously. He's now asking all cartoon characters not to travel to the Middle East." --Jay Leno, on the Danish cartoon controversy

"President Bush not taking this danger lying down. Today he announced he's forming a coalition of cartoon characters." --Jay Leno

"President Bush asked people around the world to stop the violence that has erupted over controversial cartoons in a Danish newspaper. President Bush said instead, let's go after the guy who makes the Junior Jumble so hard." --Conan O'Brien 

Either that or Pussy Riot shot it down

"U.S. intelligence now says that the Malaysian flight was definitely taken down by Russian separatists. But those Russians, they stick with that Soviet propaganda sh*t. Putin said today 'no, it's because one of the passengers turned on their cell phones. Either that or Pussy Riot shot it down.'" –Bill Maher 



"There's a twelve hour cease fire in the Middle East; otherwise known as reloading." –Bill Maher



"They are really debating the firing squad right now. Of course there are a lot of people on the other side who say this is cruel and unusual. Cruel and unusual? This is America. What's more usual than getting shot?" –Bill Maher on the debate over the death penalty and botched executions

George W. Bush would know what to do

"A lot of Republicans are blaming Obama for all of this unrest in the Middle East. Right, you know what, if we were attacked in Egypt, Libya, and Yemen, George Bush would know what to do. Invade Iraq." –Bill Maher



"Mitt Romney went on live with Kelly and Michael and tried to answer these hardball questions. He was asked what he wears to bed. He said, 'as little as possible." Wow, there's a switch, Romney giving too much information." –Bill Maher



"He told us all about their sex life. Sometimes he and Ann turn off the lights and play 'find my tax returns.'" –Bill Maher

This is a man who would sell ad time during a moment of silence

"Mitt Romney is not backing down from his statement that America's number one foe is Russia. Then he said America's number one band is Duran Duran and the number one movie is 'The Goonies.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"In a recent promotion, Mitt Romney is offering donors a chance to win a ride on his campaign plane. But if you know how Mitt Romney travels, this is one contest you don't want to win." (on screen: a picture of someone strapped to the roof of his plane) –Seth Meyers



"It's nice to know that no matter how bad things get in the Middle East, Mitt Romney is always there to make them worse. You saw him this week when our embassies were under attack, before any facts were in he tried to score political points because he sees everything as a business opportunity. This is a man who would sell ad time during a moment of silence." –Bill Maher