They’re not just taking our women, they’re taking our astronauts (Now, maybe you can not invade Portland)

“All 20 Israeli hostages are home after 738 days in captivity. Almost 2,000 Palestinian prisoners and detainees have been released. And while we are only in the first phase of what will undoubtedly be a long and tricky process, the fact is the bombing has stopped, the hostages have been released, and Trump deserves some of the praise for that. And so, I know it sounds crazy to say, but good work on that one, President Trump. Now, maybe you can not invade Portland. Just an idea. I mean, while you’re on a roll. ” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Photos emerged of Katy Perry making out with Justin Trudeau on a yacht. I’ve been wondering how Canada was going to exact their revenge for the tariffs, and this is it. They’re taking our women. They’re not just taking our women, they’re taking our astronauts.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, it's Epstein Files Not Released Day...Again (b*** plug night)

Geese have reportedly caused a popular beach in Finland to be covered in a shocking amount of poop. Define a shocking amount of poop said Biden’s night nurse. —Greg Gutfeld

Some pervert threw a green dildo on the court during a WNBA game. Fans were shocked because it was butt plug night. —Greg Gutfeld

American Eagle stock has gone way up since airing the Sydney Sweeney jeans commercial. Also up. Boners. —Greg Gutfeld

Singer Katy Perry was spotted on a date with Canada’s former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Who knew she was a lesbian? —Greg Gutfeld

In a recent poll, men struggled to name a masculine leader in the democratic party except Obama. Causing pollsters to ask, which one? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In Canada, a strip tease just means unzipping your outer layer of fleece (the stupidest beer commercial they’ve ever seen)

Canada’s new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, once put on a striptease show for charity. In Canada, a strip tease just means unzipping your outer layer of fleece. –Conan O’Brien

The University of Louisville is being accused of luring basketball recruits to the school with strippers and prostitutes. To be fair, college ball is supposed to prepare them for life in the NBA. –Conan O’Brien

The trailer for the new "Star Wars" movie made its debut last night during Monday Night Football. "Star Wars" fans called it a titillating glimpse into the new franchise, while football fans called it the stupidest beer commercial they’ve ever seen. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You may be a Kiwi but at 42, you are constitutionally old enough to be a president’s grandchild (a wedding between the green M&M and a Covid vaccine)

January 2023

“Jacinda Ardern has resigned as prime minister of New Zealand, saying she ‘no longer had enough in the tank’ to do the job. ‘It’s time,’ Ardern, who has served for six years, said in her announcement. Wait a second – she’s leaving because it’s the right thing to do? She didn’t lose an election or steal classified documents or have a Boris Johnson sex party? Are you Kiwis sure you know how democracy works? Do you even have one deranged pillow salesman? You’re the only world leader that I’m friends with. Don’t make me start hanging out with Justin Trudeau! Sure he’s pretty to look at, but he smells like hot yoga and poutine. Prime Minister Ardern, please rest up, because we need you to come to America to run in 2024. You may be a Kiwi but at 42, you are constitutionally old enough to be a president’s grandchild.” —Stephen Colbert

“In American political news, there is yet another complication in the backstory of the disgraced GOP congressman George Santos. According to new reports, the New York Republican used to perform as a drag queen in Brazilian pageants. Wow, George Santos did something interesting! All his other lies are super boring, like ‘I worked at a bank’ or ‘my mother is a volleyball.’ Santos allegedly performed under the stage name Kitara Ravache. Really? That’s what he went with? I would’ve gone with something fun, like Anita Alibi or Ivana Pawnyourjewelry. Santos has denied his past as a drag queen, and I can understand why. His party, the GOP, has declared war on drag queens all over the country the past year. They don’t care that Santos is a serial liar who steals money intended for dying dogs. But for Republicans, finding out that he performs drag would be as bad as finding out that he officiated a wedding between the green M&M and a Covid vaccine.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Am I the most handsome candidate in history? (He prepared for debates by watching Friday the 13th)

Donald Trump will be holding a Q and A session on the online message board Reddit during the Democratic Convention this week — though Trump’s Q and A will be unique in that he will both ask and answer the questions. “Am I the most handsome candidate in history? Interesting question, thanks for asking. I will say, a lot of people think so.” –Seth Meyers

"Today marks the last day before Congress takes its summer recess. They're taking five weeks off. Five weeks. I hope they can get used to doing nothing." –Seth Meyers

In a recent interview, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed that he watched clips from the popular TV show “The West Wing” to prepare for debates. While Donald Trump prepared for debates by watching “Friday the 13th.” –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Three Amigos Summit (Meeting La Vida Loca)

November 2021

“President Biden met with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of Canada and President Andrés Manuel López Obrador of Mexico at the White House on Thursday to talk trade and other issues — in the return of meetings after a five-year hiatus during the Trump administration. Of course, the leaders spent time talking about immigration. Biden complained about the number of Mexicans coming to America; Trudeau complained about the number of Americans coming to Canada.” —Jimmy Fallon

“They called it the ‘Three Amigos Summit,’ which is still better than what Biden wanted to call it, which was ‘Meeting La Vida Loca.’” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Hey, about the last four years... (Yeah, uh, we talked about Covid and stuff)

February 2021

“Well, guys, today in Washington, President Biden met virtually with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for the first time since taking office. Yep, Biden did the best he could to fix our relationship with Canada. He was like, ‘Hey, about the last four years — [imitating Canadian accent] sorry.” —Jimmy Fallon

“In response, Trudeau was like, ‘On behalf of Canada, thank you for your friendship, for your support, and for taking Ted Cruz.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, Trudeau and Biden had a typical video chat between a 49-year-old and a 78-year-old. Trudeau spent the first 20 minutes trying to tell Biden he was on mute.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The two leaders discussed the most pressing issues facing Canada, like Covid-19, climate change, and how long Drake is going to keep that heart in his hair.” —James Corden

“You just know they spent the entire time trash-talking Trump and then were like, ‘Yeah, uh, we talked about Covid and stuff.’” —James Corden

“This was the president’s first virtual bilateral meeting, which sounds sexy, but it wasn’t. Next week he’s planning a TikTok with Angela Merkel, so that’ll be fun.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My Drunken Personal Attorney (right after athletic and monogamous)

Before the House intelligence committee’s report, the GOP released their own “pre-buttal” in which they concluded that Trump “was acting on genuine and reasonable skepticism of Ukraine.” Yes, because the two words everyone uses to describe Donald Trump are genuine and reasonable, right after athletic and monogamous. --Stephen Colbert

The Republican claims were bogus, because their argument is based on the claim that Ukraine, not Russia, hacked the DNC server – an idea that’s been completely debunked as a Russian-fueled conspiracy theory. Plus, even if Ukraine had meddled in the 2016 election, the proper organization to investigate that is not Rudy Giuliani. There’s a reason why the CBS show FBI is not called My Drunken Personal Attorney. --Stephen Colbert

On the president’s trip to London to celebrate Nato’s 70th anniversary. “Like most anniversaries, Trump was in a bad mood, wishing he was with a younger eastern European ally.” --Stephen Colbert

And of course, there’s the video of world leaders laughing at Trump, in which Trudeau described Trump’s impromptu press conference as “you just watched his team’s jaws drop to the floor.” Hey Justin, be nice! Stephen Miller’s jaw only does that when it’s feeding time and they bring him the baby deer. --Stephen Colbert

There is a video of world leaders trashing Trump. Trudeau is one thing, but Boris Johnson – that’s the one that’s gotta hurt most. Boris? Sweet, disheveled, crazy hair Boris? He’s supposed to be the Donald Trump of England and he’s laughing. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I’m just sad to see another black man being brought down (It’s not us this time! Suck it, Canada!)

At least three images of Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau, wearing blackface at parties 20 years ago have been found.

“Trudeau came out to apologize for one blackface and ended up admitting to more. He’s like: ‘I did brown face for “Aladdin” and I did blackface when I sang the song “Day-O.” And now if you’ll excuse me, daylight’s coming and me wan’ go home.’” —Trevor Noah

“With the Canadian election just one month away, many are wondering if this blackface scandal is going to hurt Trudeau’s chances of being re-elected. And to be honest, I’m just sad to see another black man being brought down.” —Trevor Noah

“This is pretty bad and I just want to say: It’s not us this time! Suck it, Canada!” —Stephen Colbert

“I’m not going to show you the picture because it’s really bad. It’s so bad that Canadians traveling in Europe are going to start telling people they’re American.” —Seth Meyers

“As a result, Trudeau has been dropped from the cast of ‘Saturday Night Live.’” —Conan O’Brien

"He didn’t need the brown face to make the costume work — he’s in a full Aladdin outfit at an Arabian Nights-themed party. Nobody was gonna see him and be like ‘Huh, white skin — are you the snowman from ‘Frozen?’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And just like that, the state of Ohio shoots past Florida in the race for creepiest state (Oh Cannabis)

Meanwhile, back at home, Stormy Daniels — remember Stormy Daniels, the president's $130,000 friend? — had a brush with the law last night. 

She was arrested at a strip club in Columbus for allegedly touching a customer who turned out to be an undercover police officer. 

Under Ohio state law, an employee who appears nude or seminude is prohibited from touching patrons on the premises of a sexually oriented business unless it’s a family member. That's the law.

And just like that, the state of Ohio shoots past Florida in the race for creepiest state. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Things we "can't" afford (that's what my dad calls me)

It is "Jurassic World" week here at the show. "Jurassic World" is a movie about wild creatures trapped on an island. Or as Singapore calls that, "A little too close to home." --Jimmy Fallon

Tonight, in Singapore, Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un finally came face to face. Or in Kim's case, more like face to belly button. --Jimmy Fallon

There’s a lot riding on this meeting. Last night, Kim spent hours preparing, while at the same time Trump was in bed waiting for SpongeBob to perform at the Tonys. --Jimmy Fallon

At the G7 summit, Trump started fighting with Canada over trade. In response, one of Justin Trudeau's former advisers called Trump a pathetic little man child on Twitter. When Jeff Sessions heard that, he was like, "Did somebody say 'little man child'? That's what Trump calls me. Sorry if no one actually said that, my hearing is very fuzzy." --Jimmy Fallon

Then Don Jr. was like, "Did someone say 'mistake'? 'Cause that's what my dad calls me." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Apparently, Cohen would pay women $130,000 to watch Sean Hannity’s show (Dog the Bounty Hunter)

It has come out today that President Trump's lawyer Michael Cohen also represents Fox News host Sean Hannity. Apparently, Cohen would pay women $130,000 to watch Hannity’s show. --Conan O’Brien

Scientists are predicting that in a few years we'll be able to smell the TV shows we watch. This is good news for every single show except "Dog the Bounty Hunter." --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

I can't with this guy. I quit. No more. I'm out. Done. (It looks like a hand only smaller)

President Trump was back at it this morning criticizing Special Counsel Robert Mueller's Russia investigation. And he did it with a tweet riddled with errors. [shows tweet with six errors highlighted] Even for Donald Trump, there were a lot of typos. I mean, at this point even Trump's autocorrect is like, “I can't with this guy. I quit. No more. I'm out. Done.”  --James Corden

What is terrifying is that tweeting is the one thing Donald Trump is good at. He's the president of the United States. You imagine this guy trying to make a sandwich — putting peanut butter on both sides of the bread and then putting it in a microwave until it catches fire. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

he’d probably just draw the crazy lines himself (our only ally will be Luxembourg)

According to The Washington Post, President Trump boasted at a fundraising dinner last night that he made up information in a meeting with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. Trump is so bad at lying, he lets the public immediately know he lied. If Trump ever had to take a lie detector test, he’d probably just draw the crazy lines himself. --Seth Meyers

According to The New York Times, special counsel Robert Mueller has subpoenaed the Trump Organization to turn over documents, indicating the investigation will likely last for several more months. Look, I know you have to be thorough, but at this rate, by the time you’re done, our only ally will be Luxembourg, Eric will be secretary of state, and it’ll be illegal for me to make jokes about any of it. -Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Trump prepared for debates by watching Friday the 13th (censored version)

The publisher of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming memoir announced today that the title of her book will be the statement “What Happened.” Well, that’s the censored version. –Seth Meyers

In a recent interview, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed that the he watched clips from the popular TV show “The West Wing” to prepare for debates. While Donald Trump prepared for debates by watching “Friday the 13th.” –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

JOKES: That’s like your wife bringing Margot Robbie home for dinner (every day at 3:35)

A federal court has ruled against President Trump’s travel ban, and at 3:35 Trump tweeted in all-caps, “SEE YOU IN COURT.” Then again, Trump tweets “SEE YOU IN COURT” to someone every day at 3:35. –Conan O’Brien

Nintendo is releasing a video game that lets you simulate taking care of a baby. When they heard this, gamers said, “Hey, call me when you have one that simulates MAKING one.” –Conan O’Brien

President Trump will host Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau at the White House next week. Are you sure that’s a good idea? That’s like your wife bringing Margot Robbie home for dinner. We’re not gonna hear anything you say for a month after that. –Seth Meyers

Florida firefighters yesterday rescued a man who was trapped inside a garbage truck. “Thank you!” yelled Steve Bannon. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

While Jeb Bush has a new biography titled neither of those

Former President George H.W. Bush has a new biography coming out titled "Destiny and Power." While Jeb Bush has a new biography titled neither of those. –Seth Meyers

In response to a question asking why his cabinet is half female, newly elected Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reportedly said, "Because it's 2015." So basically, the same reason there's a prime minister named Justin. –Seth Meyers

I've been trying to say “I love you” more often, starting this morning. I said it to my family before I left the house. And then to my barista. And then to her manager, when the barista complained that one of the customers was making her uncomfortable. –Stephen Colbert

She doesn’t dance to "Cherry Pie," she gives you the recipe for it

In New York, a 100-year-old woman still works 11 hours a day, six days a week. The bad news is, she’s a stripper. She doesn’t dance to "Cherry Pie," she gives you the recipe for it. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is now trying to appeal to Southerners. Yeah, he’s been touring the South and pointing to his hair, saying "How y’all like my critter?" –Conan O’Brien

Canada’s new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, once put on a striptease show for charity. In Canada, a strip tease just means unzipping your outer layer of fleece. –Conan O’Brien