Ironically, after he suggested that she should star in G.I. Jane 2 (National No-Bra Day)

Even world leaders who could be making the situation in the Middle East better are making it worse. Former President Donald Trump went out of his way to praise the terrorist group Hezbollah calling them quote “very smart.” In Trump’s defense, he thinks Hezbollah is the genie from Aladdin. —Colin Jost

In a new interview, Jada Pickett Smith reveals that she and husband Will Smith have actually been separated since 2016. Ironically, after he suggested that she should star in G.I. Jane 2. —Michael Che

The second largest Hindu temple in the world has opened in New Jersey. Hindu leaders believe that the temple ended up in New Jersey because it did something terrible in a former life. —Michael Che

Yesterday was National No-Bra Day and boy was I dizzy. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What happened to the last guy? (no underwear)

Donald Trump’s popular "Make America Great Again" hats are actually made at a California factory that employs Mexican immigrants. Even more embarrassing for Trump, his hair is made by Syrian refugees. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump claimed to have "many Muslim friends." However, when asked for specific names, the only one he could come up with was "The Genie from 'Aladdin.'" –Conan O’Brien

"Al-Qaida has not yet picked a new leader to run their terrorist organization. Apparently, candidates keep losing interest after asking, 'What happened to the last guy?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's time once again for everyone's favorite game (You’d think he’d just take the carpet)

Some more news out of Washington. The government is spending $24 million to replace two refrigerators on Air Force One. Until then, they’re keeping perishables cold by putting them between Donald and Melania. --Jimmy Fallon

"Voters in Switzerland will decide next month if animals should have the right to be represented by lawyers in court. If they approve it, it will finally clear the way for the long-awaited lawsuit of 'cat vs. string.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Even people connected to Donald Trump are taking some heat, like Disney CEO Bob Iger, who’s facing criticism for being part of a Trump advisory committee. Meanwhile, Aladdin has been stuck in customs at JFK since Saturday. You’d think he’d just take the carpet. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The time that Walter Cronkite was swallowed by a python (Supercalifragilisticexpiali-douchebags)

June 2022

“The Late Show will go live on Thursday night after the prime-time January 6th committee hearings. They are destined to go down in the annals of live TV, like the Watergate hearings, the moon landing, and the time Walter Cronkite was swallowed by a python.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, here’s the deal: all the major news outfits — CBS, NBC, ABC, MSNBC, CNN — will be covering the hearings live, while the Fox News Channel will stay with its usual prime-time lineup. Well, that’s actually good. No, it’s actually good. We’ll hear directly from the people who planned the coup.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Proud Boys are going to be prominently featured during the live hearings on Thursday, because the committee intends to present live testimony from a British documentarian who was filming the group, with their permission, during the riot. Why do you let a film crew follow you while you commit treason? Well, same reason Benedict Arnold commissioned that painting of him handing over the plans.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, if you’re not familiar with the Proud Boys, that sounds lovely. But as a refresher, they’re a far-right, anti-immigrant, all-male group who take their name from an obscure show tune from the Disney musical ‘Aladdin’ entitled ‘Proud of Your Boy.’ It was actually their second Disney song choice. Originally, they were the Supercalifragilisticexpiali-douchebags.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Come for the legal marijuana, stay because you forgot to leave (Use your teeth)

"In November, Colorado voted to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Currently, only Colorado residents can purchase marijuana in the state. But they may open it up to nonresidents too. The new state slogan is 'Come for the legal marijuana, stay because you forgot to leave.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

Establishing relationships with friendly foreign leaders is important for Trump right now, because he needs to build a network of countries he can flee to when the time comes. --Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump met at the White House today with the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, Prince Mohammed bin Salman. They call him MBS for short. For real. Trump actually prepared for this meeting. His aides say he watched almost all of the movie "Aladdin" to get ready for it. --Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, congratulations to Trump’s BFF Vladimir Putin, who was elected yesterday for his fourth term as president of Russia. He won in a landslide. His opponents coincidentally died in a landslide. All of them. --Jimmy Kimmel

But the No. 1 most sexually diseased state is, fortunately, not attached to us. It is Alaska. And the reason they have the most STDs in Alaska is, have you ever tried to open a condom while you’re wearing mittens? –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m just sad to see another black man being brought down (It’s not us this time! Suck it, Canada!)

At least three images of Canada’s prime minister, Justin Trudeau, wearing blackface at parties 20 years ago have been found.

“Trudeau came out to apologize for one blackface and ended up admitting to more. He’s like: ‘I did brown face for “Aladdin” and I did blackface when I sang the song “Day-O.” And now if you’ll excuse me, daylight’s coming and me wan’ go home.’” —Trevor Noah

“With the Canadian election just one month away, many are wondering if this blackface scandal is going to hurt Trudeau’s chances of being re-elected. And to be honest, I’m just sad to see another black man being brought down.” —Trevor Noah

“This is pretty bad and I just want to say: It’s not us this time! Suck it, Canada!” —Stephen Colbert

“I’m not going to show you the picture because it’s really bad. It’s so bad that Canadians traveling in Europe are going to start telling people they’re American.” —Seth Meyers

“As a result, Trudeau has been dropped from the cast of ‘Saturday Night Live.’” —Conan O’Brien

"He didn’t need the brown face to make the costume work — he’s in a full Aladdin outfit at an Arabian Nights-themed party. Nobody was gonna see him and be like ‘Huh, white skin — are you the snowman from ‘Frozen?’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump watched almost all of the movie "Aladdin" to get ready for it (Good Morning America)

President Trump met at the White House today with the crown prince of Saudi Arabia, Prince Mohammed bin Salman. They call him MBS for short. For real. Trump actually prepared for this meeting. His aides say he watched almost all of the movie "Aladdin" to get ready for it. --Jimmy Kimmel

Establishing relationships with friendly foreign leaders is important for Trump right now, because he needs to build a network of countries he can flee to when the time comes. --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Best performance in the war against terrorism (have my robot do it)

Disney's Hall of Presidents just added a Donald Trump robot. He’s really making an impact at Disney - today, he deported Aladdin, and he gave Scrooge McDuck a tax break. –Jimmy Fallon

Yeah, they added Trump to the Hall of Presidents. You can tell it's Trump's robot, cuz Putin’s backstage controlling it. –Jimmy Fallon

The House passed the GOP tax bill. Yep, the Senate will follow, and Trump is expected to sign it into law this week. Which will get awkward when Trump says, “I’m busy - have my robot do it.” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that a majority of Americans would end up paying more in taxes by the year 2027. Trump said its payback for the majority of Americans who voted for Hillary Clinton. –Jimmy Fallon

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." (Hindsight is 2020)

I'm a little shaky tonight because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls "hope." I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I haven't been saying that word that much this year because it's been a rough year. –Stephen Colbert

We have been buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, Roy Moore lost to Doug Jones in Alabama. –Stephen Colbert

Jones is the first Democrat to win an Alabama Senate seat in 25 years – so a quarter of a century. The last time Alabama elected a Democratic senator, the biggest movie was "Aladdin," or, as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." –Stephen Colbert

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Do you still want to see my birth certificate? (KFC gift cards)

A recording just came out from a closed-door meeting where Republican Congressman Kevin McCarthy says he thinks Vladimir Putin actually pays Donald Trump. Trump said he never accepted any money from Putin, because he was paid entirely in KFC gift cards. –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, Trump started tweeting again. Today he criticized the Russia investigation, saying, “This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history.” Then one guy was like, “Do you still want to see my birth certificate?” –Jimmy Fallon

Tomorrow Trump will leave for Saudi Arabia, even though he publicly bashed the country while he was campaigning. The only way staffers got him to go was by telling him he gets to meet Aladdin and Princess Jasmine. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Barack Obama in Disney's Aladdin On Ice (kitchen sink terrorism)

"It is a sad day for America. Democratic frontrunner Barack Obama is a terrorist [on screen: Obama in a traditional Somali dress]. This is the only possible explanation for him wearing this outfit unless he is a waiter at a Middle Eastern restaurant, or an extra in Disney's 'Aladdin On Ice,' or some teenagers teepeeed him. Terrible." --Stephen Colbert

"There's no question that the Clinton campaign has gotten a little desperate. She has lost 11 races in a row. She's the Washington Generals of presidential politics. That does not make Barack Obama the Harlem Globetrotters. That would be racist. To break the losing streak her campaign has started what one Clinton aid is calling the kitchen sink strategy, which is to make Barack Obama's kitchen sink look like a terrorist [on screen: a sink covered with terrorist paraphernalia]" --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Trump is suing Hawaii for “being hard to spell.”

New research says that Neanderthals used to relieve pain by chewing on a plant containing the main ingredient in aspirin. Or as that’s now being called, “the Republican healthcare plan.” –Conan O’Brien

Disney has announced that its upcoming live-action “Aladdin” movie is going to feature Middle Eastern actors. Filming will begin in May, or whenever the actors are no longer detained at the airport. –Conan O’Brien

Hawaii is suing President Trump over his latest travel ban. In response, President Trump is suing Hawaii for “being hard to spell.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

President Bush brushed up on Muslim culture by watching the movie Aladdin

"President Bush says there are similarities between Iraq and Vietnam. Of course, the big difference is, his dad could get him out of Vietnam." --Jay Leno

"There's now concern North Korea is about to set off a second nuclear bomb. Experts say the second bomb is twice as powerful as the first one, which means it could blow up two mail boxes." --Jay Leno

"Political experts say for the Republicans to win this November, they need something really, really big to happen -- like if President Bush suddenly finds Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden? We can't even find Wesley Snipes." --Jay Leno

"President Bush held a dinner for prominent Muslims to mark the end of the Muslim holiday of Ramadan. Before the dinner, President Bush brushed up on Muslim culture by watching the movie, 'Aladdin.' He's excited to meet Jafar." --Conan O'Brien