He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face (I'm not even sure he's buying it anymore)

"Vice President Dick Cheney is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"As for what exactly a bad day for Bush might look like, oh, how about being a captive audience member at the funeral of a civil rights pioneer in front of thousands of people, none of whom voted for you except the woman sitting right next to you and possibly your dad. But I'm not even sure he's buying it anymore." --Jon Stewart, on Coretta Scott King's funeral

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My response to anyone who says I have to unify behind corruption (Now they blame professional hockey)

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dongocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on a neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"It's sad, really. I mean, I remember a time when the CIA would assassinate heads of state, install puppet governments. If you wanted a coup, they were number one on your speed dial. Nowadays, most mental patients don't even think the CIA are the ones who put microchips in their brain. Don't think they can pull it off. Now they blame professional hockey. It's just embarrassing." --Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine (bringing polls down)

"At the end of last night's 'American Idol,' Ryan Seacrest

announced that more than 63 million votes were cast,

which is more than any president in U.S. history has

ever received. In a related story, this morning Hillary

Clinton bought a karaoke machine." --Conan O'Brien

"According to a new survey, Hillary Clinton's popularity rating is down to its lowest point in over a year. When Bill Clinton heard this, he said, 'If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down.'" --Conan O'Brien

"North Korea’s Taepo-Dong missile could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If there's one thing Bush is an expert on, it is ruining a country's economy (cream of sum yung guy)

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is trying to win over the American people. It's sort of a PR campaign. Earlier today, over at the U.N., he was signing baseballs that said, 'I'm sorry I enriched uranium'." --David Letterman

"President Bush has issued a new warning to Iran that it faces new economic sanctions, after reports by the UN Atomic Watchdog Committee that Iran is still enriching uranium. President Bush promising new economic sanctions. And believe me, if there's one thing the president is an expert on, it is ruining a country's economy." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? (giggle train)

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

Jon Stewart, on past White House comments that Americans shouldn't change their energy consumption habits because the American lifestyle is "a blessed one" with "a bounty of resources": "If it's so blessed, why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?"

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

President Bush was not at the Republican convention due to a disaster (backward march)

President Bush was not at the Republican convention due to a disaster: his presidency." --Jay Leno

At one point, Charlie Gibson asked Sarah Palin about the Bush doctrine, but she didn't know what it was. But, you know, to be fair, even Bush doesn't know what the Bush doctrine is." --Jay Leno

     

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Dick Cheney is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington in the face

"The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"According to a Finnish medical study, if you have a bad or incompetent boss, it increases your risk of a heart attack by 30%. More bad news for Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

Ivanka Trump is getting an office at the White House and she’s getting top-level security clearance. She will take a position in the White House where she’ll draw upon her 20 years of foreign and domestic policy experience that she gained selling sandals to Nordstrom. –Jimmy Kimmel

Her role is that she will serve as her father’s “eyes and ears” at the White House. He doesn’t need that. He needs somebody to be his thumbs so he can stop tweeting. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

shot in a duel over issues of honor and integrity (Mistaken for a bird)

"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." --Jon Stewart

"Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. Moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it." --Jon Stewart

"The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

Well, does a vice president shoot in the woods? (cream of sum yung guy)

"Dick Cheney gave an interview to Fox News. Some are accusing Fox of giving softball questions. My answer to that is, 'Well, does a vice president shoot in the woods?'" --David Letterman

"Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental." --David Letterman

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

 

so Bush didn't have to constantly explain to the rest of the world what dicks we are

"It was the same old script. The president said, Hey, let's take the time to gather the evidence and discuss this reasonably. And the electorate said No, our mind is made up in advance. Even an ask questions first, shoot later type like Bush is no match for fearmongers who try to relate everything to the war on terror. And you know who you are, everyone but the president." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Bush is the one who has to travel the world talking to these foreign leaders. Have you seen what he had to do to Air Force One? He had to add a maple leaf to the back. He added a maple leaf just so he didn't have to constantly explain to the rest of the world what dicks we are." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state. As a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from 'Under God, the People Rule' to 'You should have thought of that before prom.'" --Tina Fey

This Taepo-Dong could be horrific/karaoke machine/hot buttered rolls

"A lot of people were offended by President Bush using a four-letter word at the G-8 Summit the other day. Were you offended? I was more offended by the way he eats a buttered roll in front of company." --Jay Leno

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"At the end of last night's 'American Idol,' Ryan Seacrest announced that more than 63 million votes were cast, which is more than any president in U.S. history has ever received. In a related story, this morning Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine." --Conan O'Brien

In a related story, this morning Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine (cream of sum yung guy)

"A lot of people were offended by President Bush using a four-letter word at the G-8 Summit the other day. Were you offended? I was more offended by the way he eats a buttered roll in front of company." --Jay Leno

"At the end of last night's 'American Idol,' Ryan Seacrest announced that more than 63 million votes were cast, which is more than any president in U.S. history has ever received. In a related story, this morning Hillary Clinton bought a karaoke machine." --Conan O'Brien

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

Don't Worry, Be Trigger Happy! (biochemical cream of sum yung guy)

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is trying to win over the American people. It's sort of a PR campaign. Earlier today, over at the U.N., he was signing baseballs that said, 'I'm sorry I enriched uranium'." --David Letterman

  

"According to a new survey, Hillary Clinton's popularity rating is down to its lowest point in over a year. When Bill Clinton heard this, he said, 'If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down.'" --Conan O'Brein

a two-hour ride on the giggle train (deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy)

"Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental." --David Letterman

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy" --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno

It's called Long Fat **** (Or as Bill Clinton called him...)

"Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental." --David Letterman 

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy" --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

  

"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." --Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting the f**k out of here (boomerang)

"The president was in Baghdad for five hours. The first fifteen minutes were spent with the new prime minister, then a quick power nap to sleep off jet lag. That took two hours. Quick chat with the troops, judged a local humus cook-off and then with an international flight, you kind of want to get to the airport two hours ahead. You got the check-in, security, duty free shopping. He picked up a bottle of perfume for Laura -- Ahmed Chalabi's 'Desperation.' It's an intoxicating blend of Sunni and Shiite aroma -- smells awful. Just his being there for five hours makes a statement. It told the Iraqi people, 'I'm with you. I stand behind you. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm getting the f**k out of here.'" --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"President Bush was in Austria yesterday. You know, I think he's confused. He's not good on geography. On his way to Austria, he told Dick Cheney he'd bring him back a boomerang." --Jay Leno

"Congressman Patrick Kennedy left rehab and returned to Rhode Island. Unfortunately, on his way back he hit Massachusetts, Connecticut and New Hampshire." --Conan O'Brien

  

"We are very proud here in California. Highest gas prices in the nation are in San Diego at an average of $3.40 a gallon. This is especially tough on illegal immigrants. Do you know how hard it is to hide in the trunk of a hybrid car?" --Jay Leno

Dick Cheney was put on suicide watch (Great Pumpkin of WMDs)

On the formula for allocating Homeland Security anti-terror grants: "It's believed to be the total population of your city divided by square mileage times Baptists over synagogues divided by the square root of the number of Waffle Houses over swimming holes. All that times the ratio of guns to Spanish language radio stations times zero. Plus, whether or not where you live voted for Bush. To most Americans, New York isn't even in America. It's more like part of 'Gayjewistan.' If you want to truly preserve the iconic American community, you have to throw money at a certain small town -- a place where everyone knows their neighbor, where you can leave your doors unlocked without fear, where hard work and traditional values are all that stands between you and a better life. It doesn't exist, but it just got $500 million from Michael Chertoff." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Good news -- the price of gasoline continues to fall. It's dropped 15 cents over the last two weeks. Gas prices have dropped so much that Dick Cheney was put on suicide watch." --Jay Leno

"The big story still is the big terror plot foiled in Britain. Earlier today, a top official in England said, 'Britain is living through its most frightening time since the second World War.' Of course, he wasn't counting that three-year run by the Spice Girls." --Conan O'Brien

200 guys in rubber dingies (still not sure if that helps or hurts a guy)

"The shaky cease-fire in Lebanon continues to hold out against all odds. The peace plan, which was hammered out by the French and the U.N., called for 15,000 peace keepers led by sizable French contingent. Turns out in French, sizable translates as 200 guys in rubber dingies. Now it's all very predictable. You can't blame the French -- they're just being French. Of course, it's no great loss. Honestly, the difference between 200 French troops and 15,000 French troops is just fewer French prisoners." --Stephen Colbert

"Between you and me, I don't know what 'macaca' means, but it sure as s--- sounds racist. And here in Virginia, still not sure if that helps or hurts a guy." --Rob Corddry

"Miami's Hispanic population took to the streets last night to celebrate Fidel Castro temporarily stepping down from power. Way to go America! Our plan to slowly deteriorate his health over the course of 50 years is working." --Stephen Colbert

The historic firsts just keep on coming (No word yet on the mental)

"Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental." --David Letterman

"This Taepo-Dong could be horrific. Millions could die from this Dong. A veritable Dong-ocaust. By creating lethal weapons with very silly names, they're making their growing military might seem hilariously innocuous. And you know our president -- you mention Taepo Dong at a national security briefing, and he's taking a two-hour ride on the giggle train. It's not just the Taepo-Dong. Did you know Kim's working on neutron explosive that burns you from the inside out, leaving you a charred husk of flesh? It's called Long Fat ****. Worst of all, when it blows up, it spreads a deadly biochemical cream of sum yung guy" --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." --Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live

in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (VP short list)

On the formula for allocating Homeland Security anti-terror grants: "It's believed to be the total population of your city divided by square mileage times Baptists over synagogues divided by the square root of the number of Waffle Houses over swimming holes. All that times the ratio of guns to Spanish language radio stations times zero. Plus, whether or not where you live voted for Bush. To most Americans, New York isn't even in America. It's more like part of 'Gayjewistan.' If you want to truly preserve the iconic American community, you have to throw money at a certain small town -- a place where everyone knows their neighbor, where you can leave your doors unlocked without fear, where hard work and traditional values are all that stands between you and a better life. It doesn't exist, but it just got $500 million from Michael Chertoff." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno