Why’d you have to do this in OUR town? (torturing themselves)

The second presidential debate is just 11 days away, and this one will have a town hall format. The first question will be, “Why’d you have to do this in OUR town?” –Jimmy Fallon

It’s reported that even the Taliban actually had a debate viewing party. So for the first time, it looks like they’re torturing themselves. –Jimmy Fallon

President Obama’s upcoming South by South Lawn festival at the White House will have a virtual reality psychological experiment that makes you feel like you’re in a small jail cell. Or as Obama calls it, “the Oval Office.” –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, a group of Democratic senators sent a letter to Yahoo asking why they took so long to report the hack of 500 million users. That’s how little faith they have in Yahoo email — they sent a LETTER. –Jimmy Fallon

it prevents you from getting cancer and from having sex (just get a parrot)

KFC has released sunscreen that smells like fried chicken. People who’ve tried it say it prevents you from getting cancer and from having sex. –Conan O’Brien

Journalists have tried contacting Hillary about this damaging email development. Unfortunately, they keep getting auto-replies that say "Sorry, I am out of the Oval Office until January." –James Corden

In other Clinton news, her campaign manager, Robby Mook, said in an interview on CNN that they are having a hard time finding someone as "hateful" and "divisive" as Trump to go up against Hillary in her practice debates. It seems like it'd be easy to prep for a Trump debate — just get a parrot and train it to say three things: "email," "wall," and "huge." –James Corden