"Jessica Simpson was
scheduled to meet with President Bush on behalf of her favorite charity,
Operation Smile, but changed her mind when she found out the event was a
Republican Party fundraiser. Fortunately former President Clinton has stepped
up and volunteered to meet with Jessica himself about this important charitable
event and not at a fundraiser, at a totally nonpartisan Ramada Inn well outside
of Washington D.C." --Jimmy Kimmel
"I know the country
has been mired in deficit spending and it's been terrible burden on the country
in terms of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They haven't
paid down the debt or come up with any program to do so. What they did is raise
the limit of debt we can go to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the
kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading curve go
out to K. Then your F looks like a C." --Jon Stewart
"The FBI is
investigating Americans -- just for opposing the war. You know, maybe when
we're done establishing a democracy in
Iraq, we could try it over here. Stop, I don't want to get investigated,
don't applaud!" --Jay Leno
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