He’s changing his slogan from “drain the swamp” to “fill ’er up!” (the fourth most popular cruise)

On Twitter President Trump announced his nominee for secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, CEO of a small mom-and-pop business called Exxon Mobil. He announced he’s changing his slogan from “drain the swamp” to “fill ’er up!” –Jimmy Kimmel

Ted Cruz has been moving up in the polls but still is only the fourth most popular cruise behind Tom, Penelope, and Carnival. –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen doesn’t have to report to prison until March 6th, so he is available to host the Oscars. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, he’s Vincent van Going-to-jail with real estate, is what he is (She runs, jumped into his arms, and then he ran her back 57 yards for a touchdown)

Taylor Swift and football star Travis Kelce were reunited after her concert in Buenos Aires, Argentina, over the weekend. These two – I mean, she is on tour around the world and still makes it to his games on Sundays, he’s in the middle of a football season and is flying to Buenos Aires. They’re making it very hard for every other couple that’s in a long-distance relationship right now – ‘Oh, you can’t make it to my mom’s house for Thanksgiving this year? Travis flew to Singapore for Taylor!’ —Jimmy Kimmel

“And then after the show, she comes offstage, and he’s there. She runs, jumped into his arms, and then he ran her back 57 yards for a touchdown. It was incredible.” — Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump Jr. walked into the New York courthouse for his father’s civil fraud trial to chants of “crime family!” And that is basically what these people are – a crime family. A very dumb crime family. The Gambozos, if you will. —Jimmy Kimmel

Don Jr is so embarrassing. He’s on the stand, he’s testifying in this $250m fraud trial and he has to compliment his father, an ‘artist’ with real estate. Yeah, he’s Vincent van Going-to-jail with real estate, is what he is. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

How can I get Canadian TV? (he's willing to take a crack at it)

"Rob Ford says he doesn't really know if he'll be a good TV host, but he's willing to take a crack at it." –Jimmy Fallon

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted he smoked crack while he was in office, but he's refusing to step down. Despite all this, he's announced that he'll be hosting a TV show with his brother in Canada. It raises a lot of questions, starting with, 'How can I get Canadian TV?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Dennis Rodman is back in North Korea. And now he's facing a lot of criticism over a new interview where he said that North Korea is 'not that bad.' Even Kim Jong Un was like, 'Uh, yeah, it kind of is.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice (American exceptionalism)

A couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a Massachusetts amusement park while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this is cool — the reception was open barf. –Seth Meyers

A Maryland couple is suing their realtor because they say the agent knew the home was infested with snakes, but sold it to them anyway. In fairness, what the realtor said was that the place definitely didn't have any mice. —Seth Meyers

A new article has been published ranking New York City’s best public restrooms. So congratulations yet again to ... the subway! –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Walmart announced that they’re planning to open a second checkout lane (American Exceptionalism)

President Trump said today that he is “working very, very hard” to create peace between Israel and Palestine. Said Trump, “They are absolutely my two favorite Real Housewives.” –Seth Meyers

 According to a new report, Amazon is now worth twice as much as Walmart. In response, Walmart announced that they’re planning to open a second checkout lane. –Seth Meyers

A New Jersey man recently admitted to stealing $20,000 worth of ginger ale from a grocery store. He said he wasn’t planning on stealing so much, he just got Schwepped up in it. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

What you can't see from that level is that they're being played with a human head (American Exceptionalism)

"President Bush said today that canceling the ports deal sends a bad message to the Arab world. You know, not like invading their countries, putting them on leashes, making them masturbate, but bad." --Bill Maher

"This is what Bush said in his speech yesterday -- I'm not kidding about this. He said things are good in Iraq because when you fly over it, you can see soccer games. What you can't see from that level is that they're being played with a human head." --Bill Maher

 

"New York's new governor, David Paterson, made history this week. He's black, he's blind and he's hornier than the last guy. He hadn't taken his hand off the Bible when they swore him in before he admitted to having multiple affairs. See, this is what women don't get about the male sex drive. He was blind and he still wanted to see other people. And it's not easy having an affair when you're blind. He used to come home with lipstick on his shoes." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”