Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good (On the bus)

Pundits are saying that new British prime minister, Theresa May, is following in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, known as "The Iron Lady," with some in the media calling May "dull as porridge," "extremely dependable," and "not humorous." Said Hillary Clinton, "Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good." –Seth Meyers

A new survey shows 30 percent of Americans believe legalizing marijuana will make driving less safe. Though marijuana users believe that legalization will make driving less likely. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is the one time of the year that everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas (Wait, we can do that?)

Big news from my home country, Great Britain: The prime minister, Theresa May, surprised everyone by calling for an early election on June 8, even though it wasn’t supposed to happen until 2020. She’s fed up with all the political fighting, so she’s asking for another election right away. To which Americans replied, “Wait, we can do that?” –James Corden

The NCAA tournament continues, and according to a new study, the tournament leads to a 30% increase in vasectomies. Apparently men schedule the procedure so that they can recover while watching basketball. It is the one time of the year that everyone is thinking about their Gonzagas. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good (without stopping to have sex once)

Pundits are saying that new British prime minister, Theresa May,

is following in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, known as "The

Iron Lady," with some in the media calling May "dull as porridge,"

"extremely dependable," and "not humorous." Said Hillary

Clinton, "Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good." –Seth Meyers

A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the

state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once.

--Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, I'm drunk (And followed by an apology)

For our American viewers who may not know, Theresa May is the prime minister here in Britain, and she’s the one who called for what’s known as a “snap election.” That means it’s just seven weeks of campaigning and it’s over. We Brits hold our elections the way we make love — quickly and without a lot of unnecessary emotion. And followed by an apology. –James Corden

According to a new report, Uber is developing a technology that would allow its app to determine if users are drunk. The new technology evaluates walking speed, whether the phone is swaying, and if you've made any typos. Now, look. Let's take the mystery out of this, Uber. It's 2:00 a.m., I'm standing outside a bar, and I typed in my destination as Taco Bell. Yeah, I'm drunk. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Though it seems like it would just be easier to just get their president to put some pants on (I would kill for reviews that good)

Dunkin' Donuts is partnering with Harpoon Brewery to release

a coffee-infused beer. Not to be outdone, Four Loko is now

partnering with heroin. --Seth Meyers

China reportedly scrubbed the images of Winnie the Pooh from

social media over the weekend, after users compared the character

to their president. Though it seems like it would just be easier to

just get their president to put some pants on. –Seth Meyers

Pundits are saying that new British prime minister, Theresa May,

is following in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, known as

"The Iron Lady," with some in the media calling May "dull as

porridge," "extremely dependable," and "not humorous." Said

Hillary Clinton, "Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good."

–Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We Brits hold our elections the way we make love (grabbing my musket)

No matter what side you’re on, people are stressed about what’s about to happen after the election. In fact, things have gotten so crazy that Joe Walsh, a former Republican congressman, tweeted: “On Nov. 8, I’m voting for Trump. On Nov. 9, if Trump loses, I’m grabbing my musket.” To be honest, it is just nice to hear a Republican saying he is going to grab something that’s not part of a woman. –James Corden

For our American viewers who may not know, Theresa May is the prime minister here in Britain, and she’s the one who called for what’s known as a “snap election.” That means it’s just seven weeks of campaigning and it’s over. We Brits hold our elections the way we make love — quickly and without a lot of unnecessary emotion. And followed by an apology. –James Corden

We all know being an adult is hard. When you were a kid, having your mom around made things a lot easier. Which is why one woman in Brooklyn is offering her services for $40 an hour as a rent-a-mom — sewing buttons on your shirts, baking your favorite dessert, and calling you at 6 a.m. on a Saturday because she can't remember how to set the DVR. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

To which Americans replied, “Wait, we can do that?” (I'm not eating that!)

More fallout from the Stormy Daniels scandal. As you know, yesterday she released a sketch of a man she claimed threatened her about her relationship with the president. Well, this morning Donald Trump tweeted: "A sketch years later about a nonexistent man. A total con job, playing the fake news media for fools, but they know it!" Trump calls Stormy's claim "a total con job." I honestly don't know who to believe in all this — the desperate, money-hungry publicity-hound, or Stormy Daniels. --James Corden

There was a big breakthrough in the world of science. Researchers recently created the world’s first human heart using a 3D printer. The heart is made from human cells and “patient-specific biological materials.” which I believe is also the main ingredient in hot dogs. --James Corden

Big news from my home country, Great Britain: The prime minister, Theresa May, surprised everyone by calling for an early election on June 8, even though it wasn’t supposed to happen until 2020. She’s fed up with all the political fighting, so she’s asking for another election right away. To which Americans replied, “Wait, we can do that?” –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good (I don't read it for the articles)

Last week Donald Trump vowed to protect Article 12 of the Constitution despite the fact that the Constitution only has seven articles. Said Trump, "I don't know. I don't read it for the articles." –Seth Meyers

Pundits are saying that new British prime minister, Theresa May, is following in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, known as "The Iron Lady," with some in the media calling May "dull as porridge," "extremely dependable," and "not humorous." Said Hillary Clinton, "Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good." –Seth Meyers

Jeb Bush yesterday said in an interview that Donald Trump is a master at understanding how the media works. Whereas Jeb did the entire interview with the lens cap on. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We Brits hold our elections the way we make love (for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester)

For our American viewers who may not know, Theresa May is the prime minister here in Britain, and she’s the one who called for what’s known as a “snap election.” That means it’s just seven weeks of campaigning and it’s over. We Brits hold our elections the way we make love — quickly and without a lot of unnecessary emotion. And followed by an apology. –James Corden

At a Walmart in Minnesota, a customer had to tackle a confused deer after it wandered into the store. The deer is fine and was released back into the wild, which makes this the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles. –James Corden

The fast food chain Sonic has introduced a new flavor of its iced slushes. And apparently, they've run out of ideas because this new flavor is Pickle Juice. This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty, and well into their second trimester. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can officially announce next year we will be taking the show to Toronto (Because she calls it cannabis)

Canada has just announced that they will become the second country in the world to legalize marijuana. So while it's been wonderful to be back here in London, I can officially announce next year we will be taking the show to Toronto. --James Corden

Here in the United Kingdom, officials are looking at the possibility of legalizing medical marijuana. When asked about it this week, Prime Minister Theresa May said that she had never smoked cannabis in her life. I believe her! You know why? Because she calls it cannabis. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Finally, a way for immigrants to become citizens without having to marry Donald Trump (that classic British stiff upper face)

For the first time ever, Trump indicated that he is open to a path to citizenship for Dreamers. Finally, a way for immigrants to become citizens without having to marry Donald Trump. --Stephen Colbert

Today, he sat down with British Prime Minister Theresa May, which could have been awkward because they’ve had some sharp words for each other. But today, in Davos, Trump defended their relationship [clip of Trump speaking with May sitting silently]: “I think the feeling is mutual from the standpoint of liking each other a lot.” Are you allowed just to say how the other person feels about you without them saying a word? I’m not sure the feeling is mutual; can we see a close-up? Yeah, she’s got that classic British stiff upper face. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

If it wasn’t for the language barrier, we’d be best friends (Was it multiple choice?)

President Trump arrived in Switzerland this morning for the World Economic Forum, and immediately converted his money [shows picture of hotdogs] into franks. --Seth Meyers

President Trump tried to dispel rumors today he has a strained relationship with British Prime Minister Theresa May, and said they are on the same wavelength. Added Trump, “If it wasn’t for the language barrier, we’d be best friends.” --Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 29% of people believe President Trump is a good role model for children. What?! [shows picture of Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey] Was it multiple choice? --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Right after I get my present, you’re fired (I can’t be associated with this)

Trump lashed out at British Prime Minister Theresa May on Twitter, but he actually tagged the wrong Theresa May. When he heard that he sent an embarrassing tweet, he said, “You’re going to have to be way more specific.” –Jimmy Fallon

It came out that Trump wants to replace Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. He decided not to when he heard Tillerson was his Secret Santa. “Right after I get my present, you’re fired.” –Jimmy Fallon

Jerry Springer says he won’t run for governor of Ohio next year. You know politics has gotten messy when Jerry Springer’s like, “I can’t be associated with this.” –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Then they elect the person who gets the second most votes (yeast of our concerns)

Just seven weeks to see who gets the most votes, but in America, they are much more thorough. They take two years to see who gets the most votes. Then they elect the person who gets the second most votes. I’m kidding! They elect whomever Vladimir Putin wants. –James Corden

I’m going to tell you a little bit about our prime minister, Theresa May. Her father was a vicar, so she’s sort of a good girl, a preacher’s daughter, and she was giving an interview the other day where she was asked what was the naughtiest thing she had ever done as a child. And she said — brace yourselves, it’s pretty racy — she used to upset local farmers by running through their wheat fields. That’s her darkest secret from her wild past! Imagine meeting up with old friends: “Oh, we were crazy back then, weren’t we? Out of control! We really bent some wheat.” But come on, guys, we should really focus on the issues. Because what Theresa May has done in her past is the yeast of our concerns. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

We Brits hold our elections the way we make love (quickly and without a lot of unnecessary emotion)

Today is Election Day in the U.K. Elections here in Great Britain are quite different from what people are used to in the United States. For instance, our elections here are a lot more polite. Granted, a lot of that is due to the fact that Donald Trump is not involved. –James Corden

For our American viewers who may not know, Theresa May is the prime minister here in Britain, and she’s the one who called for what’s known as a “snap election.” That means it’s just seven weeks of campaigning and it’s over. We Brits hold our elections the way we make love — quickly and without a lot of unnecessary emotion. And followed by an apology. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

To which Americans replied, “Wait, we can do that?”

Big news from my home country, Great Britain: The prime minister, Theresa May, surprised everyone by calling for an early election on June 8, even though it wasn’t supposed to happen until 2020. She’s fed up with all the political fighting, so she’s asking for another election right away. To which Americans replied, “Wait, we can do that?” –James Corden

Having the election on June 8 means there’s only seven weeks of campaigning. That might seem crazy here in America, where you campaign for, um, a decade. But believe me, seven weeks is more than enough time to hate all the candidates. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

I would kill for reviews that good (capturing a really angry Jigglypuff)

A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States. –Conan O’Brien

Pundits are saying that new British prime minister, Theresa May, is following in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, known as "The Iron Lady," with some in the media calling May "dull as porridge," "extremely dependable," and "not humorous." Said Hillary Clinton, "Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good." –Seth Meyers

Players of the popular Pokémon Go smartphone game are reporting problems in South Korea, where mapping apps are restricted. Meanwhile, players in North Korea are reporting problems capturing a really angry Jigglypuff. –Seth Meyers