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Showing posts with label Brooklyn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brooklyn. Show all posts

Thursday, June 15, 2023

We Brits hold our elections the way we make love (grabbing my musket)


No matter what side you’re on, people are stressed about what’s about to happen after the election. In fact, things have gotten so crazy that Joe Walsh, a former Republican congressman, tweeted: “On Nov. 8, I’m voting for Trump. On Nov. 9, if Trump loses, I’m grabbing my musket.” To be honest, it is just nice to hear a Republican saying he is going to grab something that’s not part of a woman. –James Corden


For our American viewers who may not know, Theresa May is the prime minister here in Britain, and she’s the one who called for what’s known as a “snap election.” That means it’s just seven weeks of campaigning and it’s over. We Brits hold our elections the way we make love — quickly and without a lot of unnecessary emotion. And followed by an apology. –James Corden


We all know being an adult is hard. When you were a kid, having your mom around made things a lot easier. Which is why one woman in Brooklyn is offering her services for $40 an hour as a rent-a-mom — sewing buttons on your shirts, baking your favorite dessert, and calling you at 6 a.m. on a Saturday because she can't remember how to set the DVR. –James Corden


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 



 

Monday, May 8, 2023

Just a word of warning: Steer clear of Splash Mountain (It's one of those rare offenses where the punishment is the crime)


Entrepreneurs in Brazil are building a new theme park called “ErotikaLand” and it will feature rides and attractions based around sexuality. Just a word of warning: Steer clear of Splash Mountain. –Seth Meyers


​​A pizzeria in Brooklyn has created an edible pizza box. Chris Christie was like, “Wait, the old ones weren’t?” –Seth Meyers


A California man who police say was drunk and hungry broke into a Taco Bell this weekend in the middle of the night and ate taco ingredients. It's one of those rare offenses where the punishment is the crime. --Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Monday, April 10, 2023

He was going to include a painting of bin Laden, but he couldn't find it (Wait, this still isn't marijuana?)


On the Republican side, I saw that Ted Cruz visited a matzah factory in Brooklyn. Of course, matzah is the unleavened bread that Jewish people eat for Passover, and Ted Cruz is the presidential candidate that New Yorkers will definitely pass over. –Jimmy Fallon


A new study found that many popular oregano brands are really olive leaves and other leaves falsely labeled as oregano. Or as high school stoners put it, “Wait, this still isn't marijuana?” –Jimmy Fallon


"George W. Bush will open an art exhibit at his presidential library that will feature portraits he painted of various world leaders. He was going to include a painting of bin Laden, but he couldn't find it." –Jimmy Fallon


"House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan just released his budget proposal for 2015. Of course, a lot of people are criticizing it. For example, during a speech yesterday President Obama referred to the budget as a 'stinkburger' and a 'meanwich.' Ryan called Obama immature, while Chris Christie called to see if he had any more of those stinkburgers or meanwiches." –Jimmy Fallon


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Saturday, April 8, 2023

Which is about as close as Bernie Sanders can get to Wall Street without spontaneously combusting (nicknames)


At a campaign event in Wisconsin yesterday, a 16-year-old boy threw an egg at Donald Trump but missed. And I can’t quite explain it, but somehow it hit Jeb Bush. –Seth Meyers


Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have scheduled a debate for next Thursday in Brooklyn. Which is about as close as Bernie Sanders can get to Wall Street without spontaneously combusting. –Seth Meyers


President Trump this morning on Twitter nicknamed former President Obama for the first time, and called him “Cheatin’ Obama.” Cheatin’ Obama? That’s a pretty lame nickname. You know what’s a cool nickname? Stormy. --Seth Meyers


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


Thursday, March 2, 2023

If those kids could see your content they'd be very upset (That’s all they had at Baby Gap)


A four foot long alligator was discovered in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park. So you can probably take down those missing dog posters. —Michael Che


Monday is National Polar Bear Day. Previously known as National Polar Bears Day. —Michael Che


China is trying to help end the war in Ukraine and proposed a twelve part plan for peace. The catch is the twelve parts have to be assembled by children. —Michael Che


Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg visited East Palestine, the site of the recent train derailment, and was criticized for wearing leather dress boots. Give him a break. That’s all they had at Baby Gap. —Michael Che


https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Thursday, May 5, 2022

Just a word of warning: Steer clear of Splash Mountain (No, no, this is just weed)


Entrepreneurs in Brazil are building a new theme park called “ErotikaLand” and it will feature rides and attractions based around sexuality. Just a word of warning: Steer clear of Splash Mountain. –Seth Meyers


President Trump said yesterday that being president has been a big burden on his family. “Yes, but somehow we manage,” said Melania from her penthouse in New York. –Seth Meyers


A pizzeria in Brooklyn has created an edible pizza box. Chris Christie was like, “Wait, the old ones weren’t?” –Seth Meyers


"The city of San Francisco announced that on January 1 tobacco of any kind will be illegal. So you'll finally be able to say to a police officer, 'No, no, this is just weed.'" Seth Meyers


http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”



 

Thursday, April 14, 2022

that’s what the M.T.A. gets for hiring the same guy who did the cameras in Jeffrey Epstein’s cell (super soaker technology)


April 2022

“And there is some good news: The Brooklyn subway shooting suspect has been arrested. That’s nice. That’s fast. The suspect’s name is Frank R. James. Authorities know this because a credit card with Mr. James’s name on it had been found at the scene of the shooting, as had a key to a van Mr. James had rented. He also left a cheek swab, a filled-out tax return and his SoulCycle emergency contact. Very generous of him.” —Stephen Colbert

“One of the unusual facts about this shooter is that he is 62 years old, which means technically he wasn’t on the run — he was on the mall walk.” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s fortunate that James left behind plenty of evidence, because none of the station’s security cameras were in full operation at the time of the shooting. Well, that’s what the M.T.A. gets for hiring the same guy who did the cameras in Jeffrey Epstein’s cell.” —Stephen Colbert


“It does explain the new subway safety posters: ‘If you see something, that’s cool — we didn’t.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Let’s not get hung up on the details. The important thing is that those cameras cost New York taxpayers $800,000 each. Don’t forget that — that is all that matters.” —Trevor Noah


http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”


 

Saturday, May 25, 2019

This is a journalist/This is a corporate shill (Do you have the plague?)

New York officials have announced that a street in Brooklyn will be renamed after late rapper the Notorious B.I.G., and the F train will now be called Ol' Dirty Bastard. --Seth Meyers
Experts reported this week that so much trash has accumulated in Los Angeles, they believe it could lead to a spread of the bubonic plague. Said people in Los Angeles, "We are gonna get so skinny." "Do you have the plague? You have to get the plague." --Seth Meyers
Salad chain Sweetgreen announced yesterday they will give employees five months of paid parental leave. And Walmart announced they'll let employees see their families once a year. "You got five minutes. No touching!" --Seth Meyers
According to a new study, rat sightings in New York City have increased 40% over the last five years. Even worse, a lot of the rats are tourists. --Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”


Thursday, April 26, 2018

I knew Beyoncé wrote me back (To be clear, I'm talking about Trump now)



How did it get this far? It's almost like nobody took the time to dig into his shady background and lack of judgment. To be clear, I'm talking about Trump now. --James Corden
A mailman in Brooklyn was caught stashing nearly 17,000 pieces of undelivered mail for more than a decade because he was "Overwhelmed" by the amount he had to deliver. See, I knew Beyoncé wrote me back, I knew she did. I'm not crazy. He didn't deliver it. --James Corden
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Friday, June 23, 2017

So unless you just got drafted by an NBA team, it’s not great news (You wasted how much money?)



The NBA draft is taking place right now at Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York. The NBA draft is, I think, the most interesting draft in sports, and it’s important because it helps to decide which teams the players will be on when they lose to the Golden State Warriors next year. –Jimmy Kimmel
This morning Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell showed us a draft of his top-secret new healthcare legislation. They opened the vault, they laid the bill out on a table, rubbed lemon juice all over it, and the text magically appeared for all to see. And wouldn’t you know it, the bill includes a big tax cut for rich people. So unless you just got drafted by an NBA team, it’s not great news. –Jimmy Kimmel




Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Why Bernie Sanders has to be the bravest man on the planet (Poem)





Why Bernie Sanders has to be the bravest man on the planet and 
declare his candidacy for President of the United States
(and why Jon Stewart should come back to The Daily Show)*

If the democratic party won’t get the hint…

Bring THEM with YOU.

The Democrats are holding you back.
They are holding the country back.
They don’t want single-payer healthcare.
They won’t come out for a living wage.
They WON’T STOP taking (bribes) corporate cash.
They won’t stop BOMBING countries
and killing civilians and children.
They have NO IDEA what they stand for?
They won’t open their primaries.
They won’t stop rigging the system in their favor.

(Side note on rigging elections: Bernie WON Indiana by 5%.
He was awarded 44 delegates. Hillary Clinton LOST
by 5%. She was awarded 46 delegates. She was awarded
2 MORE delegates for LOSING by 5 points!)

Welcome to American democracy?

Why make it EASY for them to keep people
in POVERTY?

In my little town here in Indiana, I voted in the primary
at the Edgewood Baptist Church on May 3rd, 2016.

I voted for you. And I told everyone who would listen
that you were going to WIN Indiana.
And when you did, I will thank you forever
about how you made me feel.

Voting for you was BY FAR, the BEST VOTE
I have ever cast.

I know you are fighting the good fight.

But WHY NOT fight it from the TOP OF THE HILL,
instead at the bottom of a Canyon.

(remember, the American people are with you wonderful you
on almost EVERY SINGLE issue.

and

you are the most popular politician/American in the entire country)..

Bernie, you have millions and millions of ready, brilliant, dedicated Americans
who are ready to HELP YOU.

You have to be BRAVE, you are NOT alone.

Look how far the democrats have fallen. Did I imagine it or was there a poll recently
that said the Democrats are now LESS TRUSTED
than the republican party?
a party that has Donald Trump as their leader.
The Democrats are LESS trusted than that?

Now instead of building homes for the poor,
Our former President is going to give a speech
to Billionaires for cash, to the tune of
$400,000 an hour.

will the transcripts be available?

Yep, the same folks who ruined the lives of so many innocent
Americans,

and did it laughing in their poor faces,
they committed unspeakable acts of cruelty,
destroying peoples lives for money..

Oh, and they didn’t go to jail.

Ten years later, they are still laughing.
Only they are a LOT RICHER.

Instead of buying curtains for their prison cells they bought
a BIGGER yacht, or another country home.

Our president (former) is taking their money.

The poor will get POORER during that speech.

They will need those homes that are NOT being built.

Bernie, come on. If that wasn’t the last straw it has to be
in the top FIVE.

Think it over…

7. Independents 43%, Democrats 28% Republicas 26%. That was something like the last poll I saw. A Brand New Party is there for the taking. But if you want to run as a Democrat and CLEAN HOUSE,
so be it.

In the meantime, See if you can get a democrat to mention FDR or The New Deal?

Good Luck with that.

And remember you have THE issues on YOUR side.
You have the American people on your side.

Declare NOW! Make the Rest Follow Your Lead.

Maybe even make Trump change his policies when he sees public support for you and your ideas.

Trump, Believe Me!, does NOT want to go down in HISTORY as #worsethanbush

He’ll come around. If he stays away from the BUTTON, that is.
Getting Cuban Missile Crisis vibes
all over again.

so, who knows basically. ODDS/pick’em.

Think it over…

12. Bernie, You need to ditch these people before THEY start bringing YOU down.

It’s that syndrome where if you hang around a bunch of dumbasses people start to think that you’re a dumbass.

And right now there is plenty of dumbass to go around.
It rubs off. Dumbass rubs off.

A bird craps on Tom Perez, the American flag crashes to the ground behind him…

You know these things go in threes, right?
And you do spend A LOT of TIME standing right next to him.

I’m just saying???

17. Do it for the people. A young lady just left my house, who 3 weeks ago, was about to lose the house she was renting and would have to live in her car with her two children. That close to being destitute. Hungry. Starving. On the street.

Do it for people like her, Bernie.

Please.

21. None of us are getting any younger. Enuff said.

23. Make them follow YOU, Bernie.  Be the BRAVEST man on planet earth.

Must say goodnight. As my old roommate from Brooklyn used to tell me, “John, you have insomnia of biblical proportions.”

That and a raging case of PTSD.

Almost 38 hours now. Personal record is 74! Brooklyn, NY October 1986.

26. Well, as you can imagine it’s a LONG LIST of reasons why…

So Bernie? Why the HELL not?

Hugs to you wonderful you.

So tired, gonna crash for awhile. 

Pleasant dreams.. 

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Bob, you have three weeks to live (Only avocados)



I read that a restaurant just opened in Brooklyn that serves only avocados and avocado-based dishes. But even there, guac is still extra. –James Corden
When you and your friend are having the restaurant conversation, it never goes like this: “So what are you in the mood for? Italian? Mexican?” “Avocados. Only avocados.” –James Corden
Starbucks is up to their old tricks again. Starbucks in Japan is introducing a new drink called an American Cherry Pie Frappuccino. It’s a vanilla Frappuccino with chunks of cherry pie in it. I don’t know if this sounds like a healthy drink. Pretty sure it’s not, because this is what the barista writes on it when they serve it to you: “Bob, you have three weeks to live.” –James Corden



Monday, May 1, 2017

Why Bernie Sanders has to be the bravest man on the planet (Poem)









































Why Bernie Sanders has to be the bravest man on the planet and declare his candidacy for President of the United States
(and why Jon Stewart should come back to The Daily Show)*

If the democratic party won’t get the hint…

Bring THEM with YOU.

The Democrats are holding you back.
They are holding the country back.
They don’t want single-payer healthcare.
They won’t come out for a living wage.
They WON’T STOP taking (bribes) corporate cash.
They won’t stop BOMBING countries
and killing civilians and children.
They have NO IDEA what they stand for?
They won’t open their primaries.
They won’t stop rigging the system in their favor.

(Side note on rigging elections: Bernie WON Indiana by 5%.
He was awarded 44 delegates. Hillary Clinton LOST
by 5%. She was awarded 46 delegates. She was awarded
2 MORE delegates for LOSING by 5 points!)

Welcome to American democracy?

Why make it EASY for them to keep people
in POVERTY?

In my little town here in Indiana, I voted in the primary
at the Edgewood Baptist Church on May 3rd, 2016.

I voted for you. And I told everyone who would listen
that you were going to WIN Indiana.
And when you did, I will thank you forever
about how you made me feel.

Voting for you was BY FAR, the BEST VOTE
I have ever cast.

I know you are fighting the good fight.

But WHY NOT fight it from the TOP OF THE HILL,
instead at the bottom of a Canyon.

(remember, the American people are with you wonderful you
on almost EVERY SINGLE issue.

and

you are the most popular politician/American in the entire country)..

Bernie, you have millions and millions of ready, brilliant, dedicated Americans
who are ready to HELP YOU.

You have to be BRAVE, you are NOT alone.

Look how far the democrats have fallen. Did I imagine it or was there a poll recently
that said the Democrats are now LESS TRUSTED
than the republican party?
a party that has Donald Trump as their leader.
The Democrats are LESS trusted than that?

Now instead of building homes for the poor,
Our former President is going to give a speech
to Billionaires for cash, to the tune of
$400,000 an hour.

will the transcripts be available?

Yep, the same folks who ruined the lives of so many innocent
Americans,

and did it laughing in their poor faces,
they committed unspeakable acts of cruelty,
destroying peoples lives for money..

Oh, and they didn’t go to jail.

Ten years later, they are still laughing.
Only they are a LOT RICHER.

Instead of buying curtains for their prison cells they bought
a BIGGER yacht, or another country home.

Our president (former) is taking their money.

The poor will get POORER during that speech.

They will need those homes that are NOT being built.

Bernie, come on. If that wasn’t the last straw it has to be
in the top FIVE.

Think it over…

7. Independents 43%, Democrats 28% Republicas 26%. That was something like the last poll I saw. A Brand New Party is there for the taking. But if you want to run as a Democrat and CLEAN HOUSE,
so be it.

In the meantime, See if you can get a democrat to mention FDR or The New Deal?

Good Luck with that.

And remember you have THE issues on YOUR side.
You have the American people on your side.

Declare NOW! Make the Rest Follow Your Lead.

Maybe even make Trump change his policies when he sees public support for you and your ideas.

Trump, Believe Me!, does NOT want to go down in HISTORY as #worsethanbush

He’ll come around. If he stays away from the BUTTON, that is.
Getting Cuban Missile Crisis vibes
all over again.

so, who knows basically. ODDS/pick’em.

Think it over…

12. Bernie, You need to ditch these people before THEY start bringing YOU down.

It’s that syndrome where if you hang around a bunch of dumbasses people start to think that you’re a dumbass.

And right now there is plenty of dumbass to go around.
It rubs off. Dumbass rubs off.

A bird craps on Tom Perez, the American flag crashes to the ground behind him…

You know these things go in threes, right?
And you do spend A LOT of TIME standing right next to him.

I’m just saying???

17. Do it for the people. A young lady just left my house, who 3 weeks ago, was about to lose the house she was renting and would have to live in her car with her two children. That close to being destitute. Hungry. Starving. On the street.

Do it for people like her, Bernie.

Please.

21. None of us are getting any younger. Enuff said.

23. Make them follow YOU, Bernie.  Be the BRAVEST man on planet earth.

Must say goodnight. As my old roommate from Brooklyn used to tell me, “John, you have insomnia of biblical proportions.”

That and a raging case of PTSD.

Almost 38 hours now. Personal record is 74! Brooklyn, NY October 1986.

26. Well, as you can imagine it’s a LONG LIST of reasons why…

So Bernie? Why the HELL not?

Hugs to you wonderful you.

So tired, gonna crash for awhile.

Pleasant dreams..

I appreciate all of your support. Your kindness has been a blessing. But please, no more phone calls for awhile. I am staying at a make shift hospice caring for 2 elderly folks who need as much rest and recovery as possible.

All contact through website and email would be appreciated.

Best to you always,

Love, Love

John