With all that said, this is the most complicated plot a porn star has ever been involved in (He didn’t want to go to either one)

Donald Trump and his supporters are particularly incensed that because of criminal trial requirements, he may have to miss his son Barron’s high school graduation. Donald Trump is about as bummed out about potentially missing this high school graduation as he was about missing Vietnam. He didn’t want to go to either one. —Jimmy Kimmel

Let’s be clear about which trial this is. Is it the classified documents trial? No. The January 6 trial? No. The Georgia Rico trial? No. The sexual assault defamation trial? No. The real estate trial? No! It’s the porn money hush love sex music trial. This dude treats criminal charges like Pokémon – he’s trying to catch them all. Now, to be clear, Trump is not on trial for sleeping with a porn star, or paying her hush money. He’s on trial because he allegedly falsified business documents to cover up the hush money, which could be construed as an unreported campaign expense. With all that said, this is the most complicated plot a porn star has ever been involved in. — Dulcé Sloan, The Daily Show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We can stop hacking now. It's all over. (three in four teens know a narc when they see one)

According to The New York Times, the Russian effort to influence the 2016 election on social media used tactics to try to suppress Democratic voters from turning out on Election Day, though in the end Hillary wrote this joke all by herself. Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail, “But I'm trying to figure out how we get them to have Pokémon Go To The Polls.” After that the Russians said, “We can stop hacking now. It's all over." --Seth Meyers

According to a new survey, one in four teens say they used marijuana at least once in the past year. While the other three in four teens know a narc when they see one. --Seth Meyers

President Trump and First Lady Melania attended a Christmas reception today at the White House but not before Melania had the room swept for mistletoe. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But you know what they say – the younger the kids are, the less they need you (stop grandpa’s toast at the wedding energy)

November 2022

“The official start of Donald Trump’s 2024 presidential campaign started on Wednesday evening, following the ex-president’s Tuesday announcement. It’s 2016 all over again, crank up Beyoncé’s Lemonade, throw on the all-female Ghostbusters, because we are Pokémon Go-ing back to hell.” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump’s announcement at Mar-a-Lago, a 63-minute speech during which attendees unsuccessfully tried to leave the ballroom, was near universally reviewed as boring even in the conservative press. It’s true, he seems disinterested, low energy, and frankly spent. That mob is gonna have to change their chant to ‘wake him up!’” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump’s speech was such a lame event, even his family didn’t show. Don Jr’s flight got stuck in bad weather, and Ivanka was a no-show; she posted on her Instagram story that she did not ‘plan to be involved in politics’ because ‘this time around, I am choosing to prioritize my young children.’ This time? You know they were also your young children last time. They were actually younger children. But you know what they say – the younger the kids are, the less they need you.” —Stephen Colbert

“Start to finish, this announcement was a pathetic, drowsy word shamble toward Snoozeville. He didn’t ride a single escalator, and during what little I watched, I thought: I have never seen anything sadder in my life. Even Fox News cut away from Trump’s speech, in a style described as real ‘stop grandpa’s toast at the wedding’ energy.”  —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I would kill for reviews that good (capturing a really angry Jigglypuff)

A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States. –Conan O’Brien

Pundits are saying that new British prime minister, Theresa May, is following in the footsteps of Margaret Thatcher, known as "The Iron Lady," with some in the media calling May "dull as porridge," "extremely dependable," and "not humorous." Said Hillary Clinton, "Ugh, I would kill for reviews that good." –Seth Meyers

Players of the popular Pokémon Go smartphone game are reporting problems in South Korea, where mapping apps are restricted. Meanwhile, players in North Korea are reporting problems capturing a really angry Jigglypuff. –Seth Meyers

That is not true, clambucket pencil raft! (Not gonna happen, girlfriend)

The Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. has had to ask visitors to stop coming there to catch Pokémon characters because they say it’s inappropriate. The players said, "We’re so sorry, can you direct us to the Vietnam Memorial?" –Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that Donald Trump "says whatever comes into his head." To which Trump responded, "That is not true, clambucket pencil raft!" –Conan O’Brien

Gay Republicans are pushing for pro-LGBT language in the GOP platform. In response, the GOP said, "Not gonna happen, girlfriend." –Conan O’Brien