Hey, if it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it could be anything! (let’s add another hundo)

At a campaign stop in New Hampshire over the weekend, Donald Trump said immigrants were “poisoning the blood of our country”. Many pointed out, accurately, that the term “blood poisoning” was used by Hitler in his manifesto Mein Kampf. But his sycophants on rightwing TV are once again trotting out the same excuses they’ve already used to dismiss Trump’s worst offenses for years now, he added, pointing to the Fox News host Brian Kilmeade, who chalked up outrage over Trump’s comments to people overreacting. They’re not even trying to do that thing any more where they say ‘what Trump really meant was … ’ and then translate his fascism into more polite words. They’re basically saying: ‘Hey, if it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it could be anything!’ —Seth Meyers

Well, after marrying his cousin, giving a press conference at a landscaping company and almost masturbating in the Borat movie, Rudy Giuliani has finally slipped up. The verdict against Rudy Giuliani in the Georgia election workers’ defamation case awarded $148m to the plaintiffs, well above what they were asking for. They basically took the maximum, and put a 1 in front of it. Which if you ask me, is the funniest possible choice. They took one look at Rudy and said: ‘There’s no way he can afford to pay $48 million, so fuck it, let’s add another hundo.’ —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Harsh, accurate words (Do I get a sash?)

“Last night, the former sat down with Tucker Carlson who, thanks to revelations from the Dominion lawsuit, we now know hates the president passionately, privately texting that he’s ‘a demonic force.’ Harsh, accurate words.” — Stephen Colbert

“A judge sanctioned Fox News on Wednesday for withholding evidence relevant to Dominion Voting Systems’ lawsuit. He said he would probably appoint a ‘special master’ — an outside lawyer — to investigate whether the network had misled the court. So the job is to figure out whether Fox News lies? Hold on, hold on — am I a special master? Do I get a sash?” —Stephen Colbert

“Over in Fox News today they began jury selection in Dominion’s $1.6 billion defamation suit against Fox, and this trial’s gonna be juicy. For instance, the judge has ruled that Dominion can compel testimony from Fox News personalities Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and Jeanine Pirro. And to make sure Jeanine Pirro tells the truth, they’re swearing her in on a box of wine.” —Stephen Colbert

“So the judge is furious because Fox withheld the tapes. Although to be fair to Fox, they might not have known which embarrassing Rudy Giuliani tape they were being asked for. The one where the oil was leaking from his head or the one where he’s farting in court? The one where he’s unbuttoning his pants for Borat’s daughter? Or could it be the one where he held a press conference outside a dildo shop? How are they supposed to keep track of them all?” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She’s blind, so he’s got a shot (Take your time — think back)

June 2022

“It’s a bit of a leading question. They followed up by asking, ‘Do you notice anyone that night who was maybe farting while leaking hair dye and ranting in front of a dildo shop? Anyone like that? Could be anyone. Take your time — think back.’” — Stephen Colbert, on Jason Miller’s being asked if anyone was drunk on election night.

“Let me help you out here. There are five levels of intoxication on the Rudy breathalyzer: over the legal limit, rooting around the dumpster for empties, rooting around in his pants in ‘Borat,’ planning coup in a blackout and ‘The Masked Singer.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Today was Episode 2 of the hot new reality show ‘The January 6th Committee Hearings.’ We’re all waiting to find out if the former president gets to go to the fantasy suite with Lady Justice. She’s blind, so he’s got a shot.” — Stephen Colbert

“Episode 1 was a huge hit, because at least 20 million people watched Thursday’s hearing. We were live, OK? That’s the kind of audience usually reserved for ‘Sunday Night Football.’ Makes sense because Thursday’s hearing featured even more guys with brain damage.” — Stephen Colbert

“During the Monday hearing, Liz Cheney said Trump ignored advisers who confirmed the 2020 election was over and instead followed the advice of an apparently inebriated Rudy Giuliani to pursue non-existent claims of election fraud. That raises an interesting question: how many of the former president’s terrible ideas came from an inebriated Rudy Giuliani? Could it be … all of them?” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Cultural Learnings of Iraq Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Republicans (BoratBush!)

"This is one of those sweet stories, a woman in Illinois has discovered that her Jeep Cherokee used to be owned by Barack Obama. Yeah. You can tell the Jeep is Obama's because Hillary Clinton keeps trying to get in the driver's seat." --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama's freshly-minted running mate, Sen. Joe Biden, also spoke tonight, and I have to say, after all the name-related problems this campaign has had, why Obama would pick a vice president with the last name 'Biden' is beyond me. Not that there's anything wrong with the name of Biden, but Obama-Biden, it's like they're trying to make their ticket sound as much like Osama Bin Laden as possible. They found the two guys in America whose names match up most closely with the person we hate more than anyone in the world, and they put them on the bumper stickers, very good thinking." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Republicans (intelligence gap)

"High gas prices leave a bad taste in people's mouths, have you noticed that? That's mostly from the siphoning, but still it's a horror. In fact, gas is so expensive in L.A., now when you call 9-1-1, they ask you to meet the ambulance half way." --Jay Leno

"Four bucks a gallon they say by summer. I hear a lot of people say they'll stop driving. Unfortunately, it's not Lindsay Lohan or Britney." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, President Bush said that last year an intelligence gap opened up. Last year? Gee, didn't that open up about 2001, right after his inauguration?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html