in lieu of sending flowers (but that's what Diddy would do)

Sean Combs was sentenced on Friday to four years in prison. And I'll be honest, it's hard for me to enjoy watching someone I love get punished, but that's what Diddy would do. —Michael Che

Kamala Harris has released a new book that explains how she lost the 2024 election. It’s called I'm a Black Lady. —Michael Che

Chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall has died at the age of 91. The family requests that in lieu of sending flowers, please throw feces. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the first person not to brag about running a marathon (one of them suggested karaoke)

Last weekend, 92-year-old Harriette Thompson became the oldest woman ever to complete a marathon. While the guy who finished after her made history by being the first person not to brag about running a marathon.-- Jimmy Fallon

A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke.—Jimmy Fallon

It looks like Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush will be buying the Miami Marlins. That’s right, one guy who could’ve been president — and Jeb Bush. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

rich people's rocket money (taking bribes without using their hands)

A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke.—Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Chelsea Clinton, who welcomed her second child over the weekend. After the birth, Bill brought flowers, while Hillary brought a focus group to help name the baby. –Jimmy Fallon

"Officials from the soccer organization FIFA, which decides which cities get to host the World Cup, are accused of accepting bribes when making their decision. Of course the toughest part for the soccer officials was taking bribes without using their hands." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke (blondes and Hannity)

A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke.—Jimmy Fallon

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

The World's Largest Arms-Producing Companies (right before he slips out of his handcuffs)

September 2022

“There are several major questions for the House January 6th committee, including whether to subpoena Donald Trump himself. I gotta be honest, if I was on the committee, I’m not sure where I would land on the question of whether to subpoena Trump. I mean, on the one hand it would be great to get him under oath on camera, so you could make him answer questions in front of the public under the threat of perjury. On the other hand, he’s not going to answer questions under threat of perjury. Putting Trump on the stand is as good an idea as putting a chimpanzee in a school play – he’s not going to stick to the script.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump can’t even answer softball questions from his friends on Fox News without going off on deranged tangents. It would take days. The networks would have to pre-empt all their programming so Trump could ramble about statues or ax murders or windmills or toilets that don’t flush, although it would be nice to get him under oath about the toilets he’s always talking about. The committee will also use footage from a documentary that shows the Trump associate Roger Stone anticipating the insurrection before the 2020 election. In footage captured by Danish film-makers for A Storm Foretold, Stone explains how Trump will discredit the election and use armed guards to refuse to cede power. Why do all these guys explain their criminal schemes out loud in highly specific details before they do them? They’re like Bond villains spelling out exactly how they’re going to kill him right before he slips out of his handcuffs.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which I can only assume means in a library? (it's basically the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees)

"Mitt Romney just released a new campaign ad about the economy featuring out-of-work Americans. It gets weird at the end when he says, 'I'm Mitt Romney, and I fired all these people.'" –Jimmy Fallon

National Geographic’s new slogan is “basically the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees.” –Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of "GQ," with the headline "Kim as you've never seen her." Which I can only assume means in a library? –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

‘Well, I wouldn’t say reported,’ said the IRS. (as long as that body be bangin’)

The makers of Barbie have announced the first ever Barbie with hearing aids. It teaches an important lesson. It doesn’t matter if you’re deaf, as long as that body be bangin’. —Colin Jost

New York City officials say that they have received over 7,000 rat sightings here in New York. So everybody look under your seat! —Colin Jost

The Trump International Hotel in Washington D.C. has been sold for a reported $375 Million. ‘Well, I wouldn’t say reported,’ said the IRS. —Colin Jost

The Oklahoma City Zoo announced that a 14 year old endangered chimpanzee named Naia is pregnant. Said the zoo’s janitor, ‘She told me she was 18!.’ —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

now give me the bad news/blondes and Hannity/the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees/dumber BBC

The Washington Post reports that President Trump is being investigated for obstruction of justice, which could wind up costing him the presidency. Trump was like, “OK, now give me the bad news.” –Jimmy Fallon

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

National Geographic’s new slogan is “basically the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees.” –Jimmy Fallon

BBC America is changing their slogan to “dumber BBC.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats