Being a crappy neighbor, lesson 1 (What language did his brother speak?)

"Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you're the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup."  –David Letterman

"Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that? " –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But still, like air, I'll rise (blondes and Hannity)

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian appears nude on the current cover of "GQ," with the headline "Kim as you've never seen her." Which I can only assume means in a library? –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke (blondes and Hannity)

A new study says that chimpanzees occasionally drink too much fermented palm sap, which causes them to act drunk. Researchers could tell the chimps were drunk when one of them suggested karaoke.—Jimmy Fallon

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

All the other cardinals are buying him shots at the Vatican Applebee's (They're going to fight it out with holy relics)

February 2013

"We are 24 hours away from massive across-the-board budget cuts. If the cuts go into effect, major airports could face delays up to 90 minutes – or as JetBlue calls it, an on-time departure." –Conan O'Brien

"These automatic budget cuts are serious. It could negatively affect water and sewage services. In other words, all of America is about to embark on a Carnival Cruise." –Conan O'Brien

"Today was Pope Benedict's last day at work. Don't be sad. All the other cardinals are buying him shots at the Vatican Applebee's." –Conan O'Brien

"The Pope spoke to 100 cardinals and said, 'Among you is the future Pope.' And then he said, 'Now enter The Octagon.' They're going to fight it out with holy relics." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup (go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered)

December 2012

"Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you're the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup."  –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney has a new job. He's going back to work. He got a job at a Marriott. When you're at the front desk arguing over your mini bar bill, Mitt will be the guy that comes from out back and says, 'I understand there's some trouble?'" –David Letterman

"They spotted Mitt Romney at Costco. One day you're running for president of the United States. The next day you're shopping at Costco for giant jugs of mayonnaise. While you're at Costco, go ahead and return that Oval rug you ordered." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney got a job at a Marriott hotel. President Obama's trying to stop us from going over the fiscal cliff. Mitt Romney is trying to stop people from stealing towels." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the wait-and-do-nothing approach that worked so well during Katrina (Applebee's employee of the week)

October 2012

"Well, we have an audience back. Even before Hurricane Sandy I always thought that it took a great deal of courage for people to sit through this show." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney resumed campaigning today. He was visiting those hardest hit by the storm, and that would be swing-state Latinos." –David Letterman

"Michael Brown, the former director of FEMA who was forced to resign after Hurricane Katrina, has criticized the president. He said Obama may have acted too quickly this time — instead of taking the wait-and-do-nothing approach that worked so well during Katrina." –Jimmy Kimmel

"That is an interesting point coming from a former FEMA director and current Applebee's employee of the week." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Where am I and what the hell is going on? (why he spent much of the book complaining about his boss)

"An article on 'Huffington Post yesterday claimed that several passages of George W. Bush's new memoir 'Decision Points" were lifted from other books, including several written by his advisers. Which explains why he spent much of the book complaining about his boss." –Seth Meyers

"One of the new proposals from a bipartisan commission released Wednesday suggested that in order to bring down the deficit, the government would need to raise the retirement age to 69 by the year 2075. So the next time a baby is crying on your flight, it's probably because they just found out they're gonna have to work until they're 69 in new China." –Seth Meyers

"Speaking in a video for an ad campaign aimed at ending the bullying of gay teenagers, Cindy McCain, the wife of Senator John McCain, broke with her husband and called for the repeal of 'don't ask, don't tell.' McCain says he and his wife have disagreed on other issues too. Things like, "Where am I and what the hell is going on." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The states would be Northern California, Southern California, and Kardashistan (Hey, we found Melania!)

Today is President Trump's 72nd birthday. Everyone in the White House hid to jump out and yell "Surprise," and while they were hiding they were like, "Hey, we found Melania!" --Jimmy Fallon

At one point the staff brought out a piñata for Trump but the president just deported it. --Jimmy Fallon

In November, people in California will vote on whether they want to break the state up into three smaller states. The states would be Northern California, Southern California, and Kardashistan. --Jimmy Fallon

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup (I understand there's some trouble?)

"Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you're the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup."  –David Letterman



"Mitt Romney has a new job. He's going back to work. He got a job at a Marriott. When you're at the front desk arguing over your mini bar bill, Mitt will be the guy that comes from out back and says, 'I understand there's some trouble?'" –David Letterman



"Earlier today Mitt Romney was spotted on a Costco shopping spree. Romney ended up buying 14 Costcos." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Just like Gettysburg, it’s a site where many, many lives were cut short (haunted amusement parks?)

"Has anyone ever stopped to consider the possibility that Sarah Palin and her family are driving from town to town solving mysteries and unmasking monsters in haunted amusement parks?" –Jon Stewart on Sarah Palin's bus tour



"Of course, the point of her 'One Nation Tour' is to highlight America’s historic landmarks. So far she stopped at the National Archives, Gettysburg, Independence Hall, and yesterday she joined Donald Trump at one of New York’s historic monuments, the Times Square Applebee’s, a landmark as steeped in history as it is steeped in chipotle mayonnaise. Just like Gettysburg, it’s a site where many, many lives were cut short." –Stephen Colbert on Sarah Palin’s bus tour

"Of course, the 'lame stream media' ambushed Palin with gotcha questions like, 'Where are you going?' and, 'Why are you doing this?'" –Stephen Colbert on Sarah Palin's bus tour 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”