97 cars in the Chicago River (she was sitting in row 44 DD)

A Playboy model claims that an American Airlines flight attendant forced her to button up during a flight due to her big boobs. In her defense, though, she was sitting in row 44 DD. —Greg Gutfeld

A dive team trying to solve a cold case about a missing couple found a whopping 97 cars in the Chicago River. They're now trying to identify the 97 female drivers. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Adventures of the Guy Who Just Started Paying Attention (What about pants?)

The TSA scrapped a rule that passengers remove their shoes to go through security, prompting Bill Clinton to ask, "What about pants?” —Greg Gutfeld

Next month, Jake Tapper will receive something called the Truth Seekers Award. In other news, Joy Behar just got a Playboy Centerfold. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Except you, I'd do you (Have you seen Gary Busey’s legs?)

President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star, and a Playboy model – or as Trump's evangelical supporters call that, "the holy trinity." --Conan O’Brien

It’s come out that the president’s son Donald Trump Jr. had an affair with a contestant on “Celebrity Apprentice.” Trump Jr. defended himself, saying, “Have you seen Gary Busey’s legs?” --Conan O’Brien

During President Trump's call to Vladimir Putin, he congratulated the Russian leader despite a message from his staff that read "DO NOT CONGRATULATE." Which is why today Melania sent him a message that read "DO NOT DIVORCE." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor (When do I take my clothes off?)

“Did you guys see this? Pope Francis suggested that he's open to reviewing the Catholic church’s vow of celibacy for priests. That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor.” —Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview with Playboy magazine, Dick Cheney criticized President Obama and said he's quote, 'the worst president of my lifetime, without question.' Then Cheney said, 'But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off?'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See, this is what happens when Oprah gets high (Thin Ice)

"Yesterday, Oprah's entire set was made of chocolate. See, this is what happens when Oprah gets high." –Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump cheats on his wife with a porn star while she’s at home with their infant son. Donald Trump has an affair with a Playboy playmate. And Trump illegally pays them both off. And Michael Cohen goes to jail for it. It’s like if Johnnie Cochran did time and not O.J. --Jimmy Kimmel

Deutsch Bank in Germany gave Donald Trump more than $2 Billion in loans. They gave Trump so much money he started calling them dad. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the holy trinity (february)

According to a study, being a new mother is the equivalent of working two and a half full-time jobs. And, even worse, the boss is constantly grabbing for your breasts. --Conan O’Brien

President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star, and a Playboy model – or as Trump's evangelical supporters call that, "the holy trinity." --Conan O’Brien

A 102-year-old woman broke a pair of world track and field records. The 102-year-old ran the 100-meter dash with a time of "February." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Where do they come up with this stuff? (When do I take my clothes off?)

"London's famous Globe Theatre announced plans to perform Shakespeare's play 'Hamlet' in North Korea. Of course, 'Hamlet' is about a man on a murderous revenge mission inspired by his late father. Then Kim Jong Un said, 'Where do they come up with this stuff?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview with Playboy magazine, Dick Cheney criticized President Obama and said he's, 'the worst president of my lifetime, without question.' Then Cheney said, 'But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off?'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

just two horny dudes yukking it up with a couple of swimsuit models (You lie!)

"President Obama made his big healthcare address to a joint session of Congress last night. It went pretty well, except for one weird part in the middle of it, when a congressman from South Carolina suddenly yelled out, 'You lie!' It's amazing this guy was able to sit through seven years of President Bush telling him everything in Iraq is fine without a peep, but last night, he yells out, 'You lie!'" --Jimmy Kimmel

I don't know if you saw this but some interesting photos of Donald Trump were released today from the year 2000. There he is at the U.S. Open with his then-girlfriend Melania, former President Bill Clinton and a lady in a Playboy Bunny shirt. How perfect is this photograph? Look at those two bitter enemies sizing each other up. It looks like the first three minutes of a “Girls Gone Wild” video. It represents the United States at its peak. Before 9/11, before ISIS, before "Celebrity Apprentice" — just two horny dudes yukking it up with a couple of swimsuit models. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump respects people who don’t suck up to him, starting ...yesterday (That’s money that could be used to launch giant penises into space)

Speaking of Stormy Daniels, it's time for tonight's edition of "Stormy Watch: Karen McDougal Edition!" McDougal is the former Playboy Playmate who allegedly had a year-long affair with Donald Trump, beginning just three months after the birth of his and Melania's son, roughly the same time as he slept with Stormy Daniels. That's dangerous! You don’t want to risk that! Can you imagine he's having sex and calls out the wrong mistress' name? I'm joking, of course. Just kidding, he screams out his own name. "Oh, Truuuump!" --Stephen Colbert

Things are completely different since the president appointed a new chief of staff, Gen. John Kelly. Rumor is Kelly got the job after he stood up to Trump, when raised voices could be heard through the thick door to the Oval Office. It was seen as an early indication that Kelly was not afraid to stand up to his commander in chief. No surprise. Trump respects people who don’t suck up to him, starting ...yesterday. –Stephen Colbert

“Of course, the pandemic has exacerbated our pre-existing condition of extremely rich people. A Bloomberg report on super-yacht charters, reports yacht charters are up over 340%. This is disgusting. At a time of dire need, the ultra-rich shouldn’t be blowing their money on boats. That’s money that could be used to launch giant penises into space.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

And because Trump got his tongue stuck on a flagpole (US invasion of)

The White House canceled all of Donald Trump's public events because of the snow. And because Trump got his tongue stuck on a flagpole. --Jimmy Fallon

On Friday, a 112-year-old man was given the Guinness World Record for being the world's oldest living man. When asked how he achieved the record, the man said, “I jumped out and scared my older brother.” –Jimmy Fallon

A former Playboy Playmate named Karen McDougal says she had an affair with Trump and now she's suing him. You know things are crazy when you hear the president is being sued by a porn star and people go, "Which one?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm here to ensure that you only see state sponsored propaganda (it’s the first time Trump has won a popular vote)

In other Trump news, according to a New York Times survey of political scientists across both parties, Donald Trump has been rated America’s worst president ever. I had a sneaking suspicion. It’s pretty incredible because it’s the first time Trump has won a popular vote. --James Corden

More bad news for President Trump. Former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal, who allegedly had a relationship with Trump, just had a gag order lifted that previously prevented her from discussing the affair. Oh, I cannot wait to NOT hear the details. Her gag order may be over, but once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning. --James Corden

The Washington Post says that Trump has lied over 130 times in just his first month. If you do the math, he’s releasing an average of four false or misleading statements per day. On the bright side, you can’t say Trump isn’t getting anything done. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off? (Yeah, it took me a while to recover, too)

"A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they'd mind leaving the room, husbands and boyfriends were already gone." –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview with Playboy magazine, Dick Cheney criticized President Obama and said he's quote, 'the worst president of my lifetime, without question.' Then Cheney said, 'But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Ted Cruz was just featured in Us Weekly’s “25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me” column. And on the list he revealed that he was once bitten by an octopus at the beach and got “terribly ill.” Then the octopus said, “Yeah, it took me a while to recover, too.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s there to relax after months of grueling golf at Mar-a-Lago (It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries)

Speaking of Stormy Daniels, it's time for tonight's edition of "Stormy Watch: Karen McDougal Edition!" McDougal is the former Playboy Playmate who allegedly had a year-long affair with Donald Trump, beginning just three months after the birth of his and Melania's son, roughly the same time as he slept with Stormy Daniels. That's dangerous! You don’t want to risk that! Can you imagine he's having sex and calls out the wrong mistress' name? I'm joking, of course. Just kidding, he screams out his own name. "Oh, Truuuump!" --Stephen Colbert

As of Friday, Donald Trump is on a 17-day vacation at his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. He’s there to relax after months of grueling golf at Mar-a-Lago. –Stephen Colbert

"This crisis has pitted brother against lower cholesterol brother. It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries." –Stephen Colbert on the Chick-Fil-A controversy

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They have a very strict “28 strikes and you’re out” policy (once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning)

One person who hasn’t had a great day is Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly, who has been fired from the network after years of multimillion-dollar sexual harassment suits. I mean Fox News had no choice. They have a very strict “28 strikes and you’re out” policy. –James Corden

The nation’s first drive-through marijuana dispensary is opening tomorrow in Colorado. Also, down the street will be the world’s most successful DUI checkpoint. –James Corden

More bad news for President Trump. Former Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal, who allegedly had a relationship with Trump, just had a gag order lifted that previously prevented her from discussing the affair. Oh, I cannot wait to NOT hear the details. Her gag order may be over, but once she describes the affair, our gagging is just beginning. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

USA finished dead last among 46 countries in media trust (Let’s get in Waymo accidents)

October 2021

One of Hugh Hefner’s former girlfriends revealed that the Playboy Mansion is haunted. She knew it was haunted because if you turn on a black light you can see ectoplasm everywhere. —Colin Jost

DC Comics announced that the new Superman will be bisexual. They also announced that the Riddler has always been down for whatever. —Colin Jost

The Rolling Stones announced that they will no longer play their 1971 song ‘Brown Sugar’ which is about having sex with a slave. Something I wish I had realized before I chose it at Karaoke. —Colin Jost

Officials with Waymo, a self-driving taxi service, say that after a year the robot taxis still have trouble with left turns and puddles. Which explains Waymo’s slogan, “Let’s get in Waymo accidents.” —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Good luck trying to live without eight shows about cakes (both nipples)

August 2011

"Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced that he received the endorsement of Jeb Bush, Jr., who is the son of the brother of the former president. Analysts say he's sewn up the crucial 'guy you didn't know existed' vote." –Conan O'Brien

"A new report shows that due to the weak economy right now, more Americans are canceling their cable television. Good luck trying to live without eight shows about cakes." –Conan O'Brien

"Levi Johnston, who got Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol pregnant, has a sister Mercede, who just posed for 'Playboy' and said some very unflattering things about the Palins. She said Track Palin, who she dated, used cocaine and oxycodone, that Sarah Palin forced him to go into the military to protect herself, and that if Palin became President she'd have a mental breakdown. Then the photographer asked her to turn a little so he could get both nipples." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business (best Shark Week ever)

"By the way – I should point out that - on the same night Obama was ordering the Navy to kill Osama Bin Laden, his potential opponent in 2012, Donald Trump was busy firing Playmate of the Month Hope Dworaczyk." –Jimmy Kimmel

"And so, Osama Bin Laden got his first bath in almost ten years. This could the best Shark Week ever." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Between the death of bin Laden and the royal wedding, it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Linda Ronstadt Long Long Time Live on Playboy After Dark 1969

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Remember when teachers cared enough to have sex with students personally (I was just tired of giving up)

"Hillary Clinton opened the Middle East peace talks and said, "People with a history of conflict can learn to live together.' And believe me, she knows what she's talking about." –Jay Leno

"A teacher has been jailed for six months for assigning her students masturbation as homework. What is happening to our education system? Remember when teachers cared enough to have sex with students personally." –Jay Leno

"It's rumored that White House gatecrasher Michaele Salahi is going to pose nude in Playboy. Salahi said her main motivation for posing in Playboy is the fact that no one's invited her to." –Jimmy Fallon

"Rodney King has announced that he will marry one of the jurors from the trial that awarded him millions of dollars from the city of Los Angeles. If Judge Ito doesn't preside over this, there's something wrong with this town." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If Donald Trump was a rapper his name would be Colludikris (so he is available to host the Oscars)

Donald Trump cheats on his wife with a porn star while she’s at home with their infant son. Donald Trump has an affair with a Playboy playmate. And Trump illegally pays them both off. And Michael Cohen goes to jail for it. It’s like if Johnnie Cochran did time and not O.J. --Jimmy Kimmel

Michael Cohen doesn’t have to report to prison until March 6th, so he is available to host the Oscars. --Jimmy Kimmel

If Donald Trump was a rapper his name would be Colludikris. That’s how much collusion is going on. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”