they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation (getting rid of the taste)

Jon Stewart returned to his Monday perch for The Daily Show’s new season amid rampant speculation over the president’s health, after he wasn’t seen in public for several days over Labor Day weekend. “You people, you reporters, have no chill! Guy can’t take a few days for some R&R and a non-surgical breast reduction without everybody suddenly pulling out the toe tags? It does say something about the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don’t hear from him for 20 minutes and we’re like: ‘He’s dead!’ Of course Trump didn’t die in office. But I wouldn’t put it past him, trying once again to take credit for something Biden had already accomplished.” —Jon Stewart

At the US Open tennis match, Trump sat in the Rolex booth – anything with a crown is like catnip to him, he can’t resist it. And once again, all eyes were on his hands. The president’s right hand was obviously plastered with some kind of putty that did not match the color of his skin. Between his face, his neck and his hand, his skin has more colors than a Sherwin-Williams store right now. It’s too bad he hates drag queens, because they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Have you found Jesus? (losing interest at Love-40)

“Yesterday here in New York, President Trump attended the U.S. Open final. Yep, Trump was excited. It was the first time in years he went to court without his lawyers.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, Trump was there as a guest of Rolex and sat in their suite. And this is very nice — they even gave him a special watch with two little hands.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Trump had fun at the match. He said, ‘[imitating Trump] I enjoy Love-15 and Love-30 but started losing interest at Love-40.” — Jimmy Fallon

“This year, Trump’s been to the Super Bowl, the Daytona 500, the World Cup, two UFC fights and a wrestling championship. Eric and Don Jr. were like, ‘Still couldn’t come to one of our Little League games?’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

PGATour2K25: U.S. Open (Oakmont Country Club)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

just two horny dudes yukking it up with a couple of swimsuit models (You lie!)

"President Obama made his big healthcare address to a joint session of Congress last night. It went pretty well, except for one weird part in the middle of it, when a congressman from South Carolina suddenly yelled out, 'You lie!' It's amazing this guy was able to sit through seven years of President Bush telling him everything in Iraq is fine without a peep, but last night, he yells out, 'You lie!'" --Jimmy Kimmel

I don't know if you saw this but some interesting photos of Donald Trump were released today from the year 2000. There he is at the U.S. Open with his then-girlfriend Melania, former President Bill Clinton and a lady in a Playboy Bunny shirt. How perfect is this photograph? Look at those two bitter enemies sizing each other up. It looks like the first three minutes of a “Girls Gone Wild” video. It represents the United States at its peak. Before 9/11, before ISIS, before "Celebrity Apprentice" — just two horny dudes yukking it up with a couple of swimsuit models. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien (80/50 chance she'll run for president)

June 2011

"A spokesman for Texas Gov. Rick Perry says there's a 50/50 chance he'll run for president. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin says there's an 80/50 chance she'll run for president." –Conan O'Brien

"NBC has apologized for editing out the words 'under God' from its coverage of the U.S. Open. They're also apologizing for Brian Williams signing off with 'Hail Satan.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Bristol Palin's new book says she lost her virginity on a night when she had too many wine coolers. It's in the chapter “Things I Have in Common with Conan O'Brien.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

U.S. Open Championship (Pebble Beach, CA) (XBox360)

Started the final round in 2nd place. Shot -4 under 68 to win.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The U.S. Open Championship, Oakmont CC, Oakmont, PA

Started the final round in 2nd place. Shot -8 under 62 to win.

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

New Yorkers would have been like, 'Is that Febreeze?' (see the links)

"They're calling this one of the worst collapses in U.S. Open history. On the last hole, Phil Mickelson shot into the hospitality tent. The next shot he hit a tree. You know, the last time a rich white guy aimed this bad was when Dick Cheney shot a lawyer in the face." --Jay Leno

"It turns out al Qaeda had a plot to put poisonous gas in the New York City subway system and then abandoned the idea at the last minute. Well, sure, once it mixed with the toxic fumes and vile odors already in the subway, who would have noticed? New Yorkers would have been like, 'Is that Febreeze?'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush is creating a Marine sanctuary in the Pacific Ocean off the northwest islands of Hawaii. You know what that means? No oil there." --Jay Leno

Well, look who's just as cool as Kanye Bieber (naked restaurant)

This Sunday is Father's Day and it's also Game 7 of the NBA Finals, the final round of the U.S. Open, and a new episode of "Game of Thrones." Kids were like, "We're going spend the whole day bringing you beers, aren't we?" And you go, "Yeah, yeah." –Jimmy Fallon

Some male celebrities, like Kanye West and Justin Bieber, are wearing ripped jeans that cost up to $900. Or as dads with only one old pair of jeans put it, "Well, look who's just as cool as Kanye Bieber." –Jimmy Fallon

A naked restaurant is opening in Japan next month, but apparently they’re banning customers who are overweight, over 60-years-old, or have tattoos. They said the last thing they want at their naked restaurant is a bunch of weirdos. –Jimmy Fallon

dropping Miley Cyrus on Damascus

"Will Congress approve taking action in Syria? First they have to approve taking action in Congress." –Stephen Colbert



"While I was overseas, I couldn't really get much out of the news. From what I could make out, President Obama wanted to drop Miley Cyrus on Damascus." –Stephen Colbert

"Serena Williams won her 17th Grand Slam title at the U.S. Open. I haven't seen that many Grand Slams since Chris Christie went out to Denny's with me the other night." –Jimmy Fallon