The doctor, however, is still recovering (it turned out they were just coal miners)

A 70-year-old woman in India recently gave birth to a baby boy. The baby and his mother are doing fine. The doctor, however, is still recovering. –Seth Meyers

Tickets for Desert Trip, the upcoming rock concert featuring Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, Neil Young and Paul McCartney, went on sale yesterday and sold out in five hours. It would’ve sold out faster, but it took your dad four hours to figure out the website. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump also dominated last night's West Virginia Republican primary with 76% of the vote. Trump told the press that he did really well with black voters, but it turned out they were just coal miners. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I got here as quick as I could (the most viewed image in history)

"Today President Bush was in New Orleans for the two-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. When he arrived in New Orleans he told the mayor 'I got here as quick as I could.'" --Jay Leno

"Osama Bin Laden is set to release yet another video tape, he makes an appearance once or twice a year to show he's still alive. Kind of like the Rolling Stones." --Jay Leno

"Very awkward moment in the Hillary Clinton campaign today. I guess Hillary told her staff to call Democrats with money, and they called Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"Experts say the Osama bin Laden death photo will be the most viewed image in history. Second, of course, is Sharon Stone from 'Basic Instinct.'" –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Del Shannon - Under My Thumb

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

USA finished dead last among 46 countries in media trust (Let’s get in Waymo accidents)

October 2021

One of Hugh Hefner’s former girlfriends revealed that the Playboy Mansion is haunted. She knew it was haunted because if you turn on a black light you can see ectoplasm everywhere. —Colin Jost

DC Comics announced that the new Superman will be bisexual. They also announced that the Riddler has always been down for whatever. —Colin Jost

The Rolling Stones announced that they will no longer play their 1971 song ‘Brown Sugar’ which is about having sex with a slave. Something I wish I had realized before I chose it at Karaoke. —Colin Jost

Officials with Waymo, a self-driving taxi service, say that after a year the robot taxis still have trouble with left turns and puddles. Which explains Waymo’s slogan, “Let’s get in Waymo accidents.” —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey is it cool if I take a personal day to hang back and work on my art? (without mentioning Mick Jagger)

Archaeologists in South Africa have discovered what they say is the world's oldest drawing. Experts think the crude, simple drawing on a rock was created more than 70,000 years ago. And probably during the world's first extremely boring work meeting. While a bunch of starving cavemen were off fighting a saber-toothed tiger, one guy was like, "Hey is it cool if I take a personal day to hang back and work on my art?" The rock features the world's oldest known drawing found on a stone. This is historic, because it's the first time that "rock," "oldest" and "stone" have been used in the same sentence without mentioning Mick Jagger. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

if you’re spending that much time looking at old naked guys (Funyuns)

Health officials say there’s a new trend of women using marijuana during their pregnancy. Which explains why this year’s most popular baby name is Funyuns. –Conan O’Brien

According to a new study that just came out, older men who frequently use a sauna are less likely to develop dementia. Which is too bad, because if you’re spending that much time looking at old naked guys, there’s probably a lot you’d want to forget. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday was Keith Richards’ birthday. He would have been 73. –Conan O’Brien

So far Donald Trump’s cabinet picks have a net worth of over $14 billion. So hopefully, Trump’s plan to balance the budget involves calling a meeting and then just passing the hat around. –Conan O’Brien

Bob Dylan and Keith Richards (three séances)

Analysts are speculating that communication between Donald Trump and his campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, has become practically nonexistent. They say if she spoke to Trump any less, they’d be married. –Conan O’Brien

A new report in Indiana has found that thousands of dead people are still registered to vote. Which explains why today, Donald Trump held four rallies and three séances. –Conan O’Brien

The Vatican has issued new guidelines on cremation, saying Catholics must bury the ashes in a cemetery. Which is too bad, because I wanted my ashes to be a secret ingredient on the show “Chopped.” –Conan O’Brien

Keith Urban Tumblin' Dice

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Green Day - Rip This Joint (The Rolling Stones Cover) [LIVE]

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

The Rolling Stones - Rip This Joint (Live). Texas 1972.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

a silver lining for kids who don’t get asked to be in pictures

School nurses across the country are blaming group selfies for the spread of head lice among middle and high school students. So finally a silver lining for kids who don’t get asked to be in pictures. –Seth Meyers

Tickets for Desert Trip, the upcoming rock concert featuring Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones, Neil Young and Paul McCartney, went on sale yesterday and sold out in five hours. It would’ve sold out faster, but it took your dad four hours to figure out the website. –Seth Meyers

A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry can lead to poor decision-making. It’s what Taco Bell calls “our entire business model.” –Seth Meyers

Find out if your stadium has a ramp

“The Rolling Stones have announced a new North American stadium tour. If you want to know if they're coming to your city, find out if your stadium has a ramp.”—Seth Meyers

“It's so unfair. Mick Jagger dances around for three hours. He's fine. I ran up the stairs today and had to shut it down for half an hour.” —Seth Meyers

Unfortunately, none of them are Kardashians

"According to CNN, 200,000 Americans are signed up for a one-way trip to Mars to colonize Mars. Unfortunately, none of them are Kardashians." –Jay Leno



"In defending the budget deal, Congressman Paul Ryan quoted the Rolling Stones and said, 'You can't always get what you want.' When it comes to Congress, here's a better Stones quote: 'Can't get no satisfaction.' How about that?" –Jay Leno



"Political correctness is in full swing this holiday season. Kids can't even call Santa's helpers 'elves' anymore. They have to be known as 'undocumented little people.'" –Jay Leno