Out of how many? (giving up)

According to a new CBS poll, President Trump’s approval rating is just 36 percent. Said Trump, “Out of how many?” –Seth Meyers

A rare fish normally found only in the Amazon was caught yesterday in a New Jersey pond. Researchers believe the fish got to New Jersey the same way as everyone else: by giving up. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has (The rest is in your head)

"Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job Congress is doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he did bravely fight off all five of the Army’s attempts to draft him (I hope they can get used to doing nothing)

Eric Trump appeared on CBS "This Morning" today and defended his father's ongoing feud with the family of a veteran, saying, “What I think this country needs is a fighter.” And to Donald Trump’s credit, he did bravely fight off all five of the Army’s attempts to draft him. –Seth Meyers

"Today marks the last day before Congress takes its summer recess. They're taking five weeks off. Five weeks. I hope they can get used to doing nothing." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And our governments are very much the same (because he wouldn’t use a coaster)

Donald Trump’s has used many defenses against the Epstein scandal, starting with his claim that he didn’t send a lewd birthday greeting to Epstein featuring a nude drawing of a woman, as reported by the Wall Street Journal. As Trump said: “I don’t do drawings of women.” 

The way you keep saying ‘I don’t do drawings of women,’ instead of just saying ‘I don’t do drawings of people’ makes it sound like you do a ton of drawings of dudes. Trump then “dug the hole deeper” by saying that his friendship with Epstein ended only because Epstein hired employees out from under him. 

That’s not helping you, dude! Going out of your way to explain that you cut ties with a monster not because he was a monster, but because he hired people away from you makes you sound even worse. That’s like saying you stopped inviting Charles Manson to parties because he wouldn’t use a coaster. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

or as Kamala Harris calls it, cutting back (the guy who just started paying attention)

So illegal aliens detained at Alligator Alcatraz are mad because their ham sandwiches aren't toasted. Meanwhile, the alligators are complaining that the detainees aren’t toasted either. —Greg Gutfeld

In that now infamous interview making the rounds, Hunter Biden said that illegal immigrants do all the jobs that nobody wants to. For example, harvesting, processing, and selling him cocaine. Hunter also said he thinks of Kamala Harris as family, promising that if she ever passed away, he would immediately bang her husband Doug. But he also says that he loves Kamala like his own daughter, which of course is a stretch because he's met Kamala.  —Greg Gutfeld

The president's son also admitted that while he was using, he was drinking a half gallon of vodka a day or as Kamala Harris calls it, cutting back. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Adventures of the Guy Who Just Started Paying Attention (What about pants?)

The TSA scrapped a rule that passengers remove their shoes to go through security, prompting Bill Clinton to ask, "What about pants?” —Greg Gutfeld

Next month, Jake Tapper will receive something called the Truth Seekers Award. In other news, Joy Behar just got a Playboy Centerfold. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

all the handmaids had new cars (you’re carrying something)

Oprah made a cameo in this week's episode of "The Handmaid's Tale." And by the end of the show, all the handmaids had new cars. --Jimmy Fallon

“Everyone is talking about the Supreme Court after they made some pretty major decisions over the last few days, and let me just sum it up for you: They basically said whether it’s a gun or a baby, you’re carrying something.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hope to become the new face of Scientology (That show doesn't have a prayer)

"Do you know what I'm going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology." –David Letterman

"When we started the show, there were mixed responses. Half of the people said, 'That show doesn't have a chance.' The other half said, 'That show doesn't have a prayer.'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even crazier, the previous record holder? Golden Girls. (just take it all in, hold it for several seconds, and then exhale)

I'm very excited about this. There's another new episode of "Game of Thrones" this weekend. I read that the show set a record by using 4,000 gallons of fake blood. Even crazier, the previous record holder? "Golden Girls." -Really? --Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday President Obama traveled to Jamaica, where he will meet with students and Caribbean leaders. Jamaica's such a beautiful place, Obama says he can't wait to just take it all in, hold it for several seconds, and then exhale." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's enough to make you sick, but you can't afford it (It's because there's no after-party at Diddy’s)

And, of course, LA, for obvious reasons, it's gonna have to be a little more sober of an Oscar ceremony. Not because of the fires. It's because there's no after-party at Diddy’s. —Bill Maher

With our government, everything is broken. It's hard to even name an issue the government is involved with that isn't broken. We have the most expensive healthcare system in the world, spending far more per person than any other country, with far worse results. Life expectancy, 49th in the world. Infant mortality, 54th. More people here live with multiple chronic conditions than any other rich country. It's enough to make you sick, but you can't afford it. —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”