like India, or Thailand, or China (wife No. 7)

"Rush Limbaugh got married for the fourth time on Saturday. He's 59; she's 33. So, I'm doing the math. That means when she's 40, he'll be on wife No. 7." –Jay Leno

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So get ready for Glad-Dicked (they're complicit)

Theater owners around the country are hoping to recreate the box office success of Barbenheimer when Gladiator 2 and Wicked are released on the same weekend. So get ready for Glad-Dicked. —Colin Jost

A zoo in Scotland is trying to recreate a rivalry online with Thailand's Moo Dang by introducing Haggis, a newborn pygmy hippo. The only problem is Haggis is fugly as hell. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.' (A Bug's Life)

"Do you know why they're moving? Because some members of Congress have started investigating Halliburton for over-billing and for taking too much of American taxpayers' money for doing too little work. Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

But to be fair, it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day (You don't think one of those runners picked up Baxter?)

A woman running a marathon in Thailand reportedly found a lost puppy during the race and continued to carry the dog while running the remaining 19 miles. It...sounds nice, until you realize she just carried the puppy 19 miles further away from home. "Baxter?! Baxter! You don't think one of those runners picked up Baxter?" "Don't be ridiculous!" --Seth Meyers

A matador in Spain is under investigation after a video surfaced of him bullfighting while holding his 5-month-old baby girl in his arms. But to be fair, it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day. –Seth Meyers

President Trump today touted his achievements in office, saying, quote, "I accomplished the military." Trump knows so little about the military, he doesn't even know how to use it in a sentence. Meyers as Trump, "I accomplished the military. I boom-boomed the nukes. I bang-banged the guns." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire (such a powerful, strong fly)

“But the highlight was, of course, the fly which landed on Mike Pence’s head and lit up social media. What was crazy was how long it sat there for. The fly perched on his head for over two minutes without Pence noticing. Even Trump was watching at home like, ‘Wow, two minutes with Mike Pence, I could never do that. We’ve got to get that fly to White House – such a powerful, strong fly.’” —Trevor Noah

“And now at least 30 people in Trump’s circle have tested positive for Covid-19. You realize that means there’s been more infections at the White House over the last day than in New Zealand, Vietnam, Taiwan, Thailand and Australia combined. The White House Rose Garden is like the wet market of America right now.” —Trevor Noah

“While Kamala Harris avoided answering a question about expanding the supreme court, Pence dodged questions all evening like they were a PG-13 movie. To be fair, defending Donald Trump is like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In show business terms, that means God has picked us up for another 22 weeks (it's just a leak from the machine)

"The Supreme Court has upheld Arizona's law which penalizes employers for hiring workers who are in the country illegally. And in a related story, in Phoenix a head of lettuce now costs 137 dollars." –Jay Leno

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

"Harold Camping is now predicting that the world will end in October. In show business terms, that means God has picked us up for another 22 weeks." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Watching every single piece of the machine grind you into dust (That means when she's 40, he'll be on wife No. 7.)

"President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week. Now this is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know, if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy has actually created jobs, like India, or Thailand, or China." —Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin may run for President. Doesn’t that thought make you nostalgic for last week when you only thought the world was going to end?" –Jay Leno

"Rush Limbaugh got married for the fourth time on Saturday. He's 59; she's 33. So, I'm doing the math. That means when she's 40, he'll be on wife No. 7." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if there's one thing Bush is an expert on, it is ruining a country's economy (The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour)

"President Bush has issued a new warning to Iran that

it faces new economic sanctions, after reports by the

UN Atomic Watchdog Committee that Iran is still

enriching uranium. President Bush is promising

new economic sanctions. And believe me, if there's

one thing the president is an expert on, it is ruining

a country's economy." --Jay Leno

At one point, Charlie Gibson asked Sarah Palin about the Bush doctrine, but she didn't know what it was. But, you know, to be fair, even Bush doesn't know what the Bush doctrine is." --Jay Leno

"As you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he’ll visit South Korea, Thailand and China or as the White House calls it, 'The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'" --Jay Leno

"Actually, it was kind of a smart choice to pick Sarah Palin. McCain went with a woman because he didn't want to have to be in a position to have to get CPR from Mitt Romney." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jesus was persecuted from the day he came down the escalator (Don’t even ask about the Dollar Menu)

President Trump is the first sitting president ever to address a March for Life rally. Evangelicals, oh they love Trump even though he knows shit about Christianity and makes everything about himself. He told this rally (Maher as Trump) said Jesus was persecuted from the day he came down the escalator. —Bill Maher

Trump was very clear. No abortions at all. The only exceptions are rape, incest and the looks of the mother. —Bill Maher

The media has a new thing to whip up a public panic. Now it’s the Corona virus. It started in China and quickly moved and spread to Japan and South Korea and Thailand and Taiwan. Now it’s in the United States. I am not worried about this. They are close to a cure and we're almost there. They say the last piece of the puzzle with the Corona virus is getting the lime into the IV. —Bill Maher

Doctors are looking at people who have traveled internationally. Do you know who has traveled internationally and just got home. President Trump. Doctors told him for the next couple of weeks lie into your elbow. —Bill Maher

Years ago I was in an exotic Chinese food market where they where people eat things like salamanders and bats and snakes. Don’t even ask about the Dollar Menu. I ate there once and I regretted it. I could tell something was wrong I ordered the bat and the guy said do you want flies with that. —Bill Maher

At Trump’s impeachment trial Democrats wanted to bring in witnesses but the Republicans said No. A trial without witnesses? That’s like a Phish concert without rolling papers. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing (You did what in Thailand?)

"President Clinton is in Thailand and he just shot a cameo in the new movie the 'Hangover 2.' He was in Thailand giving a speech. He stopped by the set. You see that, he's not a letch. Turns out all these years he's just been preparing for a role. He's a method actor. Thailand movie set, bachelor party, what could possibly go wrong? Hillary must be delighted. 'You did what in Thailand?'" –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama's picture book for kids is coming out. That's when you know things have changed — when Bush writes a 500-page memoir and Obama hands in a coloring book." –Jimmy Fallon

"Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

When asked how he was treating it, the man said, "New pants." (Baxter?! Baxter!)

A woman running a marathon in Thailand reportedly found a lost puppy during the race and continued to carry the dog while running the remaining 19 miles. It...sounds nice, until you realize she just carried the puppy 19 miles further away from home. "Baxter?! Baxter! You don't think one of those runners picked up Baxter?" "Don't be ridiculous!" --Seth Meyers

A new study suggests that a parasite found in cat pee can be linked to schizophrenia. Finally, a reason to stop drinking cat pee. --Seth Meyers

And finally, a man in England claims that his penis swelled to the size of a wine bottle recently after fracturing his urethra. When asked how he was treating it, the man said, "New pants." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The first thing Trump told the queen was that he knows all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” (Make your toilet great again)

Trump and Putin also held a press conference where Trump actually defended Putin and seemed to side with Russia over his own intelligence agencies. After the press conference, CNN, MSNBC, and even Fox News slammed Trump for his performance. Trump said he shouldn't jump to any conclusions until we hear what Cartoon Network has to say. --Jimmy Fallon

Before he met Putin, Trump was in the U.K., where he met Queen Elizabeth. It got off to a bumpy start when the first thing Trump told the queen was that he knows all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” --Jimmy Fallon

This weekend France won the World Cup and they were led by a 19-year-old prodigy named Kylian Mbappe. After the game, Mbappe said winning the World Cup totally makes up for being named after a Hanson song. --Jimmy Fallon

The 12 boys who were rescued from a cave in Thailand last week are about to be released from the hospital. They said the first thing they want to eat is KFC. Then their doctor was like, “Dear God, haven’t your bodies been through enough?” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We have to buy a whole new bunch of congressmen (Bush's head exploded)

"Things getting very nasty in Washington. Today the White House denied an assertion by Senator Harry Reid that the Iraq war is 'the worst foreign policy mistake in U.S. history.' The White House said, 'You have to realize that President Bush has two more years in office.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, President Bush spoke on the phone with the prime minister of Australia. When the prime minister told him it was tomorrow in Australia, Bush's head exploded." --Conan O'Brien

"Bad news for President Bush. He wants us to stay the course, but even our closest ally is saying no. Prime Minister Tony Blair announced the withdrawal of 1,500 British troops and says that more than half of their troops could be pulled by this summer. Coincidentally, the announcement comes the day after Prince Harry volunteered to go fight over in Iraq. Maybe that's the way to get our troops out -- we send Billy Bush to Iraq." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The British are pulling out. Slovakia is now pulling out. Canada already pulled out. So has Italy, Spain, Portugal, Japan, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, Nicaragua, Honduras, the Dominican Republic, Norway, Thailand and Singapore. Basically, it is just us and the Jamaicans now. And that's mostly because they just don't know where they are." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

China, China and China. Not a detail guy (Leave That Fellas Behind)

"Sarah Palin also admitted she has smoked marijuana, but she did not enjoy it. Isn't that amazing? Something like 100 million Americans have smoked marijuana, but the only ones who don't seem to enjoy it are the ones running for office. Why is that?" --Jay Leno

"As you know, President Bush is calling for an amendment against gay marriage or as President Bush calls it, 'Leave That Fellas Behind.'" --Jay Leno

"Today, President Bush left on a seven-day trip to Asia. He's gonna visit South Korea, Thailand and China. That's right, yeah. Or, as Bush refers to them, China, China and China. Not a detail guy." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down (Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour)

"According to a new survey, Hillary Clinton's popularity rating is down to its lowest point in over a year. When Bill Clinton heard this, he said, 'If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down.'" --Conan O'Brein

"As you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he ll visit South Korea, Thailand and China or as the White House calls it, 'The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, by the way, President Bush is on a trip to Asia, ladies and gentlemen. He will be spending the entire week in the Orient. Usually Bush is in the disorient." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Usually Bush is in the disorient (Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour, pt 2)

"As you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he’ll visit South Korea, Thailand and China — or as the White House calls it, 'The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'" --Jay Leno



"Hey, by the way, President Bush is on a trip to Asia, ladies and gentlemen. He will be spending the entire week in the Orient. Usually Bush is in the disorient." --David Letterman

"Olympics start tomorrow in Beijing. People still concerned about the air quality. Earlier this week — this is a true story — a member of the International Olympic Committee said that the smog in Beijing isn’t pollution; it’s mist. Then, he said, 'Just make sure not to get any mist in your eyes or lungs.'" --Conan O'Brien



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

And here's the kicker... (the safety net for the poor)

"Today, President Bush left on a seven-day trip to Asia. He's gonna visit South Korea, Thailand and China. That's right, yeah. Or, as Bush refers to them, China, China and China. Not a detail guy." --Conan O'Brien

"Actually, analysts say a weak economy is causing less energy use, resulting in falling oil prices. Yeah. Basically, the worse the economy, the lower the oil prices. Which means if Bush could serve one more term, oil would be free." --Jay Leno

"Congress went on a five-week vacation starting today. And boy, they deserve it. Don't they? They got so much done this year: solved the energy crisis, health care, Social Security, immigration. Whew! Take a break, fellows." --Jay

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

 

The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour (Bush is in the disorient)

"As you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he’ll visit South Korea, Thailand and China — or as the White House calls it, 'The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'" --Jay Leno



"Hey, by the way, President Bush is on a trip to Asia, ladies and gentlemen. He will be spending the entire week in the Orient. Usually Bush is in the disorient." --David Letterman

"Olympics start tomorrow in Beijing. People still concerned about the air quality. Earlier this week — this is a true story — a member of the International Olympic Committee said that the smog in Beijing isn’t pollution; it’s mist. Then, he said, 'Just make sure not to get any mist in your eyes or lungs.'" --Conan O'Brien



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats