They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed (Eh, it's been done)

"The St. Louis Rams made history on Saturday by drafting Michael Sam, making him the first openly gay player in the NFL. Yep, an NFL player who's never been with a woman — or as Tim Tebow put it, 'Eh, it's been done.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she made the remarks during a speech none of us could afford to attend (I pretty much never sit by the pool anymore)

Hillary Clinton has been attacking Donald Trump over his "country club" lifestyle. Hillary made the remarks during a speech none of us could afford to attend. –Conan O’Brien

A teacher in Arkansas is in trouble for giving alcohol to underage students. But to be fair, just because you’re in fifth grade in Arkansas, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re under 21. –Conan O’Brien

It's being reported that Veterans Administration nominee Dr. Ronny Jackson is known as "the candy man" in the White House because he gave out prescriptions "like candy." So, now we can all stop asking ourselves, "How does Melania do it?" --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

“Not us!” said the New York Giants (Fred Lobster)

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

A couple in Arkansas recently named their baby Olivia Garten in honor of the restaurant chain Olive Garden. Olivia is joined at home by her older brother, Fred Lobster. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m joking — I didn’t go to college (Way to live up to the stereotype!)

At least Ohio got marijuana legalization on the ballot. In Arkansas, a proposal to legalize marijuana was rejected because — and I’m not making this up — it had too many spelling and grammar errors. Arkansas: Way to live up to the stereotype! –James Corden

The Cubs went 108 years without winning the World Series. The only drought more epic than that was the one I experienced during college. I’m joking — I didn’t go to college. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The George W. Bush Institute for Pretzel Safety (You wanna say that to my face??)

The debate was actually split into several themes. America’s direction, America’s prosperity, America’s security, and then strangely “America’s ninja warrior.” --Jimmy Fallon

A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, "You wanna say that to my face??" –Jimmy Fallon

"The University of Wyoming will open the new Dick Cheney Center for International Students. Cheney is planning on attending. He's going to take part in the ceremonial ribbon shooting. The Dick Cheney Center for International Students. It's just two buildings over from the George W. Bush Institute for Pretzel Safety." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands (Dances to Gaga)

"In Washington a Native American tribe has approved same-sex marriage. The move was led by the tribe's leader, Dances to Gaga." –Conan O'Brien

A new bar in London specializes in something called "breathable booze." As we called that growing up in my house, standing next to uncle Patrick for five minutes. –Conan O’Brien

"A high school in Arkansas is letting teachers carry concealed weapons. So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Economists are saying a single letter hasn't caused this many problems since the letter 'Dubya.' (They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed)

"There's speculation that the 1,000-point drop in the Dow may have been sparked by a typo, where someone entered 'billion' instead of 'million' on a trading order. Economists are saying a single letter hasn't caused this many problems since the letter 'Dubya.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home (Fred Lobster)

A couple in Arkansas recently named their baby Olivia Garten in honor of the restaurant chain Olive Garden. Olivia is joined at home by her older brother, Fred Lobster. –Seth Meyers

President Trump pardoned a turkey at the White House today, where he said, "I'm pleased to report that, unlike millions of other turkeys at this time of the year, Drumstick has a very, very bright future ahead of him." Though I bet the turkey would feel more confident about that if they would stop calling him Drumstick. –Seth Meyers

"The design for George W. Bush's presidential library was unveiled Wednesday in Dallas, and features a lantern-shaped roof that will glow at night. Mr. President, I don't want to make any more jokes about you being dumb, but you have to meet me halfway. Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Indianapolis Colts Mock Draft (4/24/2024)

                        15     Laiatu Latu                                    Edge     UCLA

 

                                    46    Ladd McConkey                            WR    Georgia

                                  82     Jaden Hicks                    S    Washington State

                                  117     Audric Estime                      RB    Notre Dame

                

                                   151     Beaux Limmer                           C    Arkansas

                                   191    Tarheeb Still                            CB    Maryland

                                    234     J.D. Bertrand                 LB     Notre Dame

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

The opposite of what America does (I don't recall giving you the day off)

"Scientists are saying that a giant asteroid could strike the earth in 2182, and that it could decimate the planet and destroy most forms of life. A spokesman for British Petroleum said, 'Been there, done that.'" –Craig Ferguson

"A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote." –Craig Ferguson

"The American government has shut down. Who do you think you are? You work for us. I don't recall giving you the day off." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands (Legalize Shemp)

"A high school in Arkansas is letting teachers carry concealed weapons. So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands." –Conan O'Brien

North Korea is creating its own time zone. It's going to push the country's time back a half hour. So it's not bad enough that they don't have food and they're ruled by an insane dictator. Now they have to wait until 8:00 to watch "Wheel of Fortune." –Conan O’Brien

"Pope Francis today said he will not judge priests who are gay. In response, gay priests said they will not judge Pope Francis for wearing that robe with those shoes." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed (So, that just happened)

Yesterday, 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron became the youngest president in French history. You can tell he’s young ’cause after they swore him in, his first words in his speech were, “So, that just happened.” –Jimmy Fallon

A restaurant in Lithuania is stirring up controversy by displaying a mural on its wall that shows Donald Trump kissing Vladimir Putin. Trump said he's not mad that it shows him kissing a man, he's mad that it shows him kissing someone over 40. –Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

C'mon in, Kanye! (We have ways of making you talk)

A teacher in Arkansas is in trouble for giving alcohol to underage students. But to be fair, just because you’re in fifth grade in Arkansas, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re under 21. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump welcomed the president of Nigeria to the White House. The meeting started awkwardly when Trump said, "C'mon in, Kanye!" --Conan O’Brien

Bookmakers are giving odds on the royal baby's new name and the name that came in dead last is "Wayne." Which is too bad, because I’d love to hear the Royal Guards say, "Please rise for his royal highness, Lil Wayne." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I can't afford my own politician so I made this sign (Obi-Wan Where Am I?)

Meanwhile Donald Trump of course does these daily briefings for

like 90 minutes and I got to give it to this guy. He will stay up

there until it is clear that he has absolutely no idea what he's

talking about. He's like the toddler in the car with the plastic

steering wheel who thinks he’s driving. —Bill Maher

So Joe Biden’s the man. That's right, the fate of the earth rests on Joe Biden. The forces of light will be represented by Mr. Joe Biden. Or as the Jedi call him, Obi-Wan Where Am I? —Bill Maher

"50 years ago, America's biggest employer was General Motors, where workers made the modern equivalent of $50 dollars an hour. Today, America's biggest employer is Walmart, where the average wage is $8 dollars an hour. And Walmart released their annual report this month, and in it was the fact that most of what Walmart sells is food. And most of their customers need food stamps to pay for it. Meanwhile, Walmart's owners are so absurdly rich that one of them, Alice Walton, spent over a billion dollars building an art museum in Bentonville, Arkansas, 500 miles away from the nearest person who ever would want to look at art. And she said about it, 'For years I've been thinking about what we can do as a family that can really make a difference.' How about giving your employees a raise, you deluded nitwit?" –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turn-ons include tax cuts and spray tans (apparently it had a pre-existing condition)

"A candidate for governor in Arkansas has revealed he used to be a male stripper. The stripper-turned-candidate is encouraging everyone to head to the polls next Tuesday. And also to go out and vote." –Craig Ferguson

"Not such a great day for health care reform. The so-called public option died on the Senate floor today. It could have survived, but apparently it had a pre-existing condition." –Craig Ferguson

"Now that Vladimir Putin's gotten rid of daylight savings, it's just a matter of time before he decides to get rid of daylight altogether." –Craig Ferguson

"Rep. John Boehner is the new speaker of the House. Turn-ons include tax cuts and spray tans." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I look like Gigi freaking Hadid over here! (He would’ve humped a hole right through his MyPillow)

September 2022

“There is a video which appeared to show GOP election officials in Coffee county, Georgia, allowing men hired by Trump lawyer and election denier Sidney Powell to tour election headquarters. I know we do this every day, but just stop for a moment and imagine that video had been a group of Joe Biden operatives breaching election security, going into areas they’re not supposed to be, and then physically opening and manipulating the voting equipment itself. Imagine what the reaction in Magaland would be – Mike Lindell would’ve humped a hole right through his MyPillow.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The Chief Operating Officer of Beyond Meat was just arrested for a really strange reason. He is facing charges for biting a man’s nose after a football game in Arkansas. And in a blind taste test, he said he couldn’t tell the difference between a nose and a Beyond Meat nose.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I heard that the latest Gen Z fashion trend is wearing jeans with a button undone. Which means after Thanksgiving dinner, every uncle is going to be like, ‘Oh, I look like Gigi freaking Hadid over here!’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

gay priests said they will not judge Pope Francis for wearing that robe with those shoes (What have you done with Eisenhower?)

"Yesterday, of course, on Fox News commentator Glenn Beck said that he believes President Obama is a racist. Well, to be fair, every time you watch Glenn Beck, it does get a little easier to hate white people." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday at the White House, President Obama took part in an online Q & A session with a group of senior citizens. The most common question the seniors asked Obama was, 'What have you done with Eisenhower?'" --Conan O'Brien

"A high school in Arkansas is letting teachers carry concealed weapons. So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands." –Conan O'Brien

"Pope Francis today said he will not judge priests who are gay. In response, gay priests said they will not judge Pope Francis for wearing that robe with those shoes." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”