I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency (Please remember this)

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date co-workers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon

"I finally read former President Bush's memoir, and I've got to say, the book was way better than the presidency." –Jimmy Fallon

"Dick Cheney attended the ceremony. It's fitting for Cheney to be at the library. He spent eight years telling Bush to be quiet." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they pulled over Snoop Dog's bus and found a baked ham (unanswered questions)

Yesterday police in Ohio pulled over Ruben Studdard tour bus and the cops found a bag of marijuana. Police believe there must have been a mix-up because later they pulled over Snoop Dog's bus and found a baked ham. --Conan O’Brien 4/13/2004

There's a new Paris Hilton sex video. When asked about it Hilton said, “I feel like the first one left a lot of unanswered questions.” --Conan O’Brien 9/28/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh my God. What's labor? (giant owl statues)

"Kate Middleton went into labor this morning in London. When the rest of the royal family heard, they were like, 'Oh my God. What's labor?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date coworkers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon

The royal family just announced the name of William and Kate's newborn son, Louis Arthur Charles. I guess they couldn't decide on a royal-sounding name, so they just went with all of them. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course I do — Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck (Batman's recurring nightmare)

Donald Trump went on Twitter today and mocked Ronda Rousey for losing her fight this past weekend. In response, T-Mobile's CEO said he'd pay to see Trump fight her in the ring — at which point, Trump started building a wall around himself. –Jimmy Fallon

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date coworkers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump keeps tweeting that the Justice Department should investigate Hillary Clinton, instead of his ties to Russia. When asked if he knows who runs the Justice Department, he said, "Of course I do — Superman, Wonder Woman and Ben Affleck." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I know something else you can put in your baked goods (Close enough!)

I heard that putting cinnamon and nutmeg into your baked goods for the holidays can actually reduce stress. Then certain other people were like, “I know something else you can put in your baked goods. Marijuana, dude!” –Jimmy Fallon

Many Americans are planning to deep-fry their turkeys this year. But to save myself some time, I just stuffed my turkey with a Samsung Galaxy. –Jimmy Fallon

In a recent interview, Ben Carson said that Thomas Jefferson wrote the U.S. Constitution, when he actually wrote the Declaration of Independence. Or as Carson's campaign staff put it, ‘Close enough!’ –Jimmy Fallon

Carrie Fisher said that she went public with her affair with Harrison Ford because she felt like she waited an appropriate amount of time. Specifically, she said it was “a long time ago in a Winnebago far, far away.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Also narrowly passing: Grandma (Also, if)

Congress narrowly passed Republican plan to replace Obamacare today. Also narrowly passing: Grandma. –Seth Meyers

A member of the conservative House Freedom Caucus said yesterday that it can be difficult to negotiate with President Trump because it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. Also, if. –Seth Meyers

Today was National Star Wars Day and if you celebrated, no girlfriend you have. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

It's a middle class tax cut (The Lying King)

For those of you who are observing, I’d like to wish you a happy Star Wars Day. Today is May the Fourth, as in “May the fourth be with you.” Can you imagine explaining Star Wars Day to someone who’s never seen the movie? “Yeah, it’s a holiday when we celebrate a movie about a brother and a sister who kiss.” -- Kristen Bell

House Republicans today voted on and passed an Obamacare replacement bill without knowing how much it could cost. Though I’m not surprised — they also voted on an Obama replacement without knowing the cost. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

May the fifth margarita be in you (Star Wars Day)

Today was Star Wars Day, because the day was May Fourth, as in “May the fourth be with you.” And now, it’s technically May Fifth, Cinco de Mayo, as in “May the fifth margarita be in you.” –James Corden

Today isn’t only Cinco de Mayo, it’s also the one-year anniversary of this [Trump] tweet: “Happy #CincodeMayo. I love Hispanics!” You know, a year has gone by, but I’m just as embarrassed today as I was the day it was posted. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

a long time ago in a Winnebago far, far away (Have you seen our bodies?)

Carrie Fisher said that she went public with her affair with Harrison Ford because she felt like she waited an appropriate amount of time. Specifically, she said it was “a long time ago in a Winnebago far, far away.” –Jimmy Fallon

There’s a new workout where people crawl like a baby. It’s a new thing, because it strengthens your core while working your shoulders and hips. In response, babies were like, “Have you seen our bodies?” –Jimmy Fallon

During President Obama’s visit to Greece yesterday, huge anti-Obama protests broke out. However, Obama was able to quiet down the crowd by saying, “Wait till you see the next guy.” –Conan O’Brien

Joe Biden held his final toga party as vice president (Spoiler alert!)

President Obama was in Greece yesterday to meet with the Greek prime minister. Yep, Obama went to the birthplace of democracy to say, “Spoiler alert!” –Jimmy Fallon

Obama began his final foreign trip in Athens, Greece, while back in the White House Joe Biden held his final toga party as vice president. –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday Donald Trump and Mike Pence reportedly received their first presidential daily briefing of sensitive national intelligence. Or as Trump asked Putin, “Do you prefer email or fax?” –Jimmy Fallon

Carrie Fisher claims in her upcoming book that she had an affair with Harrison Ford on the set of “Star Wars.” And Jabba the Hutt was like, “You said you don’t date co-workers. What’s the deal?” –Jimmy Fallon