we can absolutely see right through him (the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein)

“Whatever is in those Epstein files must be really f*cking bad. They must be finding so many mentions of Trump they’re going to have to change the name to the Trump files featuring Jeffrey Epstein.” —Seth Meyers

“I honestly think we’re just one Epstein story away from Trump announcing that UFOs are real.” —Seth Meyers

At a recent JD Vance event in Ohio, the vice-president was asked about the Jeffrey Epstein files that are still dogging Trump. Vance said Trump has been “incredibly transparent about that stuff”. And I agree – we can absolutely see right through him. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeesh, what does the loser get? (My vocablulation is completely misunderestimated)

The third and final debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is coming up in Las Vegas next week, and Hillary’s holding a contest where the winner gets to actually go watch it in person. Everyone was like, “Yeesh, what does the loser get?” –Jimmy Fallon

A new analysis of recent political speeches found that George W. Bush actually used longer and more complex words in his speeches than President Obama does. Granted none of those words were actually in the dictionary. "Don't be condescencious. My vocablulation is completely misunderestimated.” –Jimmy Fallon

Things aren’t getting any better for Samsung. They’re actually sending customers safety gloves to help them return the exploding phones. Then they were like, “Hold up, turns out the gloves are exploding too.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump thinks the biggest threats to America are asylum seekers and Klingons (Us love you more, Mr. Trunks!)

After President Trump declared a national emergency to bypass Congress and build his border wall, 16 states filed legal challenges almost immediately. In comments to reporters this week, Trump insisted he had the absolute right to unilaterally build his wall and said it was a matter of national security. President Trump, “We have the absolute right to do that. I have an absolute right to call national security. We need strong borders. It's an open and closed case. I was put here for security, whether it's Space Force, which we're doing today, or whether it's borders.” Space Force and borders? It's pretty telling that despite the effects of climate change, gun violence, and inadequate healthcare, Trump thinks the biggest threats to America are asylum seekers and Klingons. --Seth Meyers

An 88-year-old woman has set a new record for oldest female to stand on the wing of a flying plane. It sounds dangerous, but it’s actually the safest place to be when you fly United. –Seth Meyers

Following his win at last night’s Nevada caucus, Donald Trump told supporters that he won in almost every voter demographic, and said, quote, “I love the poorly educated.” To which they replied, “Us love you more, Mr. Trunks!" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

What a genius, he'll be missed (changing the earth)

In North Dakota this week a hunter narrowly escaped death when a pocketknife in his breast pocket deflected a bullet shot by another hunter. Man, you know we have too many weapons in this country when people are getting shot in the knife. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

And in music news number one on the college charts this summer was the band Better Than Ezra. At number two, Ezra. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

Dr. James Watts, a neurosurgeon who performed the first frontal lobotomy died this week in Washington. If you recall, a lobotomy involves drilling holes in the skull and then inserting and rotating a knife to destroy brain cells. What a genius, he'll be missed. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are you sure this isn't something a seven-dollar bill can't get me out of? (You sure man?)

"Oh this isn't good. The Secret Service just arrested 13 people in New Jersey who were making counterfeit money. Which got worse when the counterfeiters said, 'Are you sure this isn't something a seven-dollar bill can't get me out of?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush announced he is against medical marijuana in the state because it could hurt the tourism industry. Then Jamaica was like, 'You sure man?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Well, President Trump arrived in New York last night, and actually slept in Trump Tower. Yeah, when Trump asked for a wake-up call, they just showed him his poll numbers. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Her date wore a red laser dot on his head (Thank you very – wait, what?)

June 2014

"Marijuana dispensaries in San Jose, California, will give out free weed to people who vote in tomorrow's municipal election. Which should backfire when the winner of the election is 'Pizza.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Newly leaked documents show the NSA has been collecting millions of pictures of people online for its sophisticated facial recognition program. Americans said it's a huge violation of their privacy – then they went back to posting selfies every 30 minutes." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama said Hillary Clinton would be very effective if she ran for president. And Joe Biden said, 'Thank you very – wait, what?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The other 49 percent think that he should disinfect it (And then it happens)

"Comedy people sit around for years hoping for a scandal called 'Weinergate.' And then it happens." –Conan O'Brien 

"51 percent of New York voters think Congressman Weiner should keep his seat in office. The other 49 percent think that he should disinfect it." –Conan O'Brien

"Congressman Weiner reportedly called Bill Clinton to apologize for his behavior. After Bill suggested that Weiner also call Hillary, Weiner said, 'Don't worry, I sent her a text.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump said Anthony Weiner is a psycho. So look for him on the next season of 'Celebrity Apprentice.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I didn't know Downton Abbey had a pimp (This was in no way my last stand)

And you know, when Trump first heard about the arrest, he was furious to find out that the FBI hadn't also been shut down. Meyers as Trump, “What? I thought there were no laws during the shutdown, like in that movie "The Purge." --Seth Meyers

Also, if Trump had to tell people it wasn't a concession, then it was definitely a concession, like that time Custer wrote home from Little Bighorn, "This was in no way my last stand." --Seth Meyers

Do you remember Roger Stone’s outfit at Trump’s inauguration? I didn't know Downton Abbey had a pimp. Robert Mueller arrested him on seven counts of perjury and five counts of looking like Teddy Roosevelt's deadbeat dad. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”