I’m joking — I didn’t go to college (Way to live up to the stereotype!)

At least Ohio got marijuana legalization on the ballot. In Arkansas, a proposal to legalize marijuana was rejected because — and I’m not making this up — it had too many spelling and grammar errors. Arkansas: Way to live up to the stereotype! –James Corden

The Cubs went 108 years without winning the World Series. The only drought more epic than that was the one I experienced during college. I’m joking — I didn’t go to college. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He has the flexibility of a Mr. Potato Head who got dropped in the toilet (He’s almost a zen master now/The defense rests)

January 2023

“Meta has reinstated Donald Trump to Facebook and Instagram, with new ‘guardrails’ in place to deter repeat offenses. Oh, those will work. I’m sure this time he’ll be very well-behaved. Ever since he commanded an army of dim-witted goons to overthrow the government, he’s shown a lot of restraint. He’s almost a zen master now.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“We are bracing for potential criminal charges against Trump and associates such as Rudy Giuliani for their role in trying to overturn the 2020 election in Georgia. My sympathies to the grand jury members who had to sit there and listen to Rudy Giuliani for six hours in his deposition. And that probably feels like 12 hours to Rudy, because as we discovered during a recent disciplinary hearing conducted via Zoom, he sometimes wears two watches by accident. If I’m Rudy’s attorney, that’s my entire defense. I’ll just let the prosecution go on for weeks on end, building a case that my client committed conspiracy. When it’s my turn, I’d stand up, face the jury and say ‘he didn’t know he had two watches on. And the defense rests.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The district attorney in Georgia’s Fulton county, Fani Willis, said a decision on criminal charges based on the investigation into Trump’s efforts to overturn the 2020 election was imminent. Still, I gave up a long time ago predicting whether Trump will ever be indicted because he seems to wriggle his way out of every jam he’s ever been in, which is surprising given that he has the flexibility of a Mr. Potato Head who got dropped in the toilet.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally today he said he had a plan. Unfortunately it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat (the innocent days)

"The president has vowed to personally lead the investigation into the government's failed response to Katrina? Isn't that a job perhaps someone else should be doing?" --Jon Stewart

"No, not at all, Jon. To truly find out what went wrong, it's important for an investigator to have a little distance from the situation. And it's hard to get any more distant from it than the president was last week." --Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee

"Finally today convoys of troops and aid started to arrive along the Gulf Coast. Five days after the hurricane hit. Kind of makes you miss the innocent days when Bush only sat on his ass for seven minutes. It only took him four days to make a plan, but finally today he said he had a plan. Unfortunately it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat." -- Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was eating through Noah's Ark (the best time ever to be a cat)

April 2012

"President Obama, in his memoir, talked about his childhood in Indonesia living with his stepfather. He said when he was 8 years old, his stepfather introduced him to a number of unusual meats, including dog. Our president ate dog. Not only that, according to the book, he also ate snake. And his mother was looking for tiger. He was eating through Noah's Ark." –Jimmy Kimmel

"This is not something that someone dug up on him. This was in a book the president wrote himself. How did we miss this? If Ryan Seacrest wrote a book and said he ate dog, we would know about it." –Jimmy Kimmel 

"Between Romney and Obama, it is a frightening time to be a dog in this country. But the best time ever to be a cat." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

beating the previous record held by the comforters at Days Inn (LOW-level Russian official)

Some analysts are claiming that Special Counsel Robert Mueller may have struck a plea deal with former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort to target high-level Russian officials, not President Trump. Because Trump is a LOW-level Russian official. --Seth Meyers

Scientists have announced plans to build a genetic Noah's Ark which will contain genetic information from 66,000 species, beating the previous record held by the comforters at Days Inn.  --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Pope Francis will watch the new movie 'Noah.'

"Vladimir Putin signed a treaty this morning that formally absorbs Crimea into the Russian Federation. So if you felt bad because you didn't know where Crimea was, don't worry, it's gone." –Seth Meyers

"Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus said today that the 2014 midterms will be a victory for Republicans thanks to Obamacare. Coincidentally, 'Reince Priebus' sounds like something that might be covered under Obamacare." –Seth Meyers



"Filmmakers are hoping Pope Francis will watch the new movie 'Noah.' That must be really frustrating, I mean, for people in the theater. Can you imagine sitting behind the Pope's giant hat?" –Craig Ferguson



Hey, wouldn't it be cool if your cooch had a gun in it?

"Congressman Jeff Duncan today said background checks could lead to a national gun database, which would lead to genocide like in Rwanda when the Hutus slaughtered the Tutsis. See, this is why we should not get our hopes up for a gun control bill. It's like talking about fire safety with a pyromaniac." –Bill Maher



"Street corner crazies are now in Congress. Listen to this one. Congressman Steve Stockman tweeted his new slogan: 'If babies had guns, they wouldn't be aborted.' What a great way for Republicans to win back women: 'Hey, wouldn't it be cool if your cooch had a gun in it?" –Bill Maher 

"These people are mental. Congressman Joe Barton of Texas used Noah's Ark as evidence that global warming doesn't' exist. He said, 'If you're a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn't because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.' Can we forget Noah? This guy needs to start collecting two of every chromosome." –Bill Maher