Yeah, and just to rub it in, they gave it to him in pesos (the U.S. ambassador to Barbra Streisand)

"It's been reported that CNN got so tired of Lou Dobbs' focus on immigration issues that they paid him $8 million to leave. Yeah, and just to rub it in, they gave it to him in pesos." –Conan O'Brien

"This weekend, President Obama plans to appoint his Administration's first openly gay ambassador, David Huebner. Huebner will serve as the U.S. ambassador to Barbra Streisand." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How long is it going to take him to save Barbara Streisand? (his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters)

"According to a new report the San Andreas Fault right under Los Angeles is ready to explode and cause the biggest earthquake in history. Isn't that frightening? They said it could wipe Malibu off the map. You thought Bush was slow to respond to New Orleans, how long is it going to take him to save Barbara Streisand?" --Jay Leno

“Happy birthday to Mitt Romney, he’s 65 years old. At his party, he didn't blow out the candles. He gave a speech and the candles just flickered and died.” –Jay Leno

"More and more Republicans are calling on Newt Gingrich to drop out of the campaign. Well, I don't want to say things look bad for Newt, but his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Insanely Unrelatable Anecdotes (Where does it end with you people?)

After new polls show Donald Trump leading Joe Biden, democratic strategists are calling Biden’s re-election campaign a five-alarm fire., which is scary for Biden because in a fire, you have to use the stairs. —Colin Jost

FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried has been convicted of securities fraud, wire fraud, and illegally making a wig out of a Labradoodle. The former crypto-currency CEO now faces up to 110 years in prison where ironically, he will be used as an alternative currency. —Colin Jost

In a new interview, Barbara Streisand said that she didn’t like the way Siri pronounced her name, so she called Apple CEO Tim Cook and told him to change it. Read more about it in this months issue of Insanely Unrelatable Anecdotes. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the shooting stopped as soon as they found out Geraldo wasn't there (especially if people talk on them while driving)

"The new White House press spokesman is Fox News Channel's Tony Snow. This is the White House's third new face in two weeks, which breaks Kenny Rogers' old record." --Jay Leno

 

"Speaking of that, a Fox News crew was shot at on live TV as they revealed detailed information about Israeli troop movements. Now we're not 100% sure who did the shooting, but the interesting part is the shooting stopped as soon as they found out Geraldo wasn't there."  --Jay Leno

 

"Here's a remarkable story of recovery. Seems a brain-injured man who had been in a coma for the last six years is now awake -- eating and speaking with his family. In fact, you know what you call a man who has been in a coma for the last six years? Mr. President." --Jay Leno on George W. Bush

"According to a new report the San Andreas Fault right under Los Angeles is ready to explode and cause the biggest earthquake in history. Isn't that frightening? They said it could wipe Malibu off the map. You thought Bush was slow to respond to New Orleans, how long is it going to take him to save Barbara Streisand?" --Jay Leno

 "Earlier today, President Bush vetoed funding for stem cell research. See, I don't think he really understands these issues. President Bush said today, 'Stem cells may be dangerous, especially if people talk on them while driving.'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

unless of course you're a Democrat watching Ann Coulter on the Today Show (You see, it really is hard out there for a pimp)

"Yesterday was 666. And the devil did not show up yesterday,

unless of course you're a Democrat watching Ann Coulter

on the 'Today Show.'" --Jay Leno

"Republican congressman Randy 'Duke' Cunningham

sentenced to 8 years in prison. You see, it really is hard

out there for a pimp." --Jay Leno

"Anybody notice that for daylight saving, the change

is later this year? It was supposed to be last week.

According to the New York Times, Congress made

this decision in part from pressure from the candy

lobby, who wanted an extra hour for trick or treating.

Isn't that unbelievable? I mean, the research lobby

can't get stem cell research through. The consumer

lobby, we can't get lead out of toys. But by God,

when it comes to an extra hour of eating sugar,

the candy lobby has the power." --Jay Leno

"What is it with all these gay Republican sex scandals?

Remember the old days when a politician would just

put his hand in your pockets to get your money."

--Jay Leno

"According to a new report the San Andreas Fault

right under Los Angeles is ready to explode and

cause the biggest earthquake in history. Isn't that

frightening? They said it could wipe Malibu off the

map. You thought Bush was slow to respond to

New Orleans, how long is it going to take him

to save Barbara Streisand?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”