Look how close they put their country to our military bases (nine people who have no chance of winning)

Several associates are turning on Donald Trump, including attorney Kenneth Chesebro, who pleaded guilty to a felony conspiracy charge and faces 100 hours of community service, five years of probation and a $5,000 fine. He must also truthfully testify against other co-defendants, including Trump. Which is a problem for the ex-president, because, when nutballs like Rudy Giuliani and Mike Lindell get in trouble, it just feels like it’s part of the plan, like it’s been factored in. But when an anonymous, white-collar Harvard guy goes down and says he’ll cooperate with prosecutors, that’s gotta be when Trump is thinking to himself, ‘oh no.’ Because if Mike Lindell or Rudy Giuliani ever flipped on Trump and told a jury Trump was guilty, Trump would be found innocent by the first lunch break, because they’re fucking nuts. Chesebro is a Harvard-educated lawyer with a long history in Washington politics who might actually be able to explain to a jury where the bodies are buried, as opposed to Rudy, who looks like a guy who knows the best places to dig one up. —Seth Meyers

“Nine House Republicans have announced plans to run for speaker. But if you wanted to see nine people who have no chance of winning, just go to a Mets game.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Are you a history book in Florida cos you just got burned? (Steamboat Willy Familiarises Himself with Maritime Law)

April 2023

“Mike Lindell, the founder of MyPillow, who had previously guaranteed $5 Million to anyone who could prove that data he alleged showed Chinese interference in the 2020 election was inaccurate. It was the easiest Maga contest since Prove Rudy Drippy and Prove Eric Sad Inside.” —Stephen Colbert

“Florida governor and potential presidential nominee Ron DeSantis is not only losing support, he’s getting publicly humiliated after he met with Republicans who were not impressed, particularly the Texas representative Lance Gooden who tweeted that he met him and is now endorsing Trump. Are you a history book in Florida cos you just got burned?” —Stephen Colbert

“Ron DeSantis continues to maintain his campaign promise to be 100% unlikable after extending his don’t say gay mandate to the 12th grade and now the only place to discuss anything to do with gender or sexuality would be in sex education with the angriest gym teacher. DeSantis continues to feud with Disney, stripping the company of more dispensations after it showed LGBTQ+ support and this week a North Carolina lawmaker proposed that the company move to his state instead. The bill was titled Mickey’s Freedom Restoration Act which was the title of the most boring Disney movie ever right after Steamboat Willy Familiarises Himself with Maritime Law.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The pill that everyone wants but can't seem to swallow (I guess his rabies test came back negative)

March 2023

“We are bracing for the start of CPAC, the Republican convention which stands for Clowns Periodically Assembling in Convention centers and offered a chance for the far right to get together and share crazy thoughts. They started it with the traditional 21 assault rifle salute, and the pledge of allegiance to Donald Trump. 

The conference includes real panels like no Chinese balloons above Tennessee, sacking the woke playbook, parents with pitchforks, the Biden crime family and MySpeech by MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell. I guess his rabies test came back negative, and he’s able to speak at this event. 

To buy a general admission ticket, which cost $295, purchasers had to sign a waiver releasing CPAC from liability with respect to Covid. This is the same group of Republicans who say Covid is a joke, make you sign a waiver so they’re not responsible if you die from that joke. Perfect. 

One notable absence from this year’s CPAC is former vice-president Mike Pence. The last time a big group of these Maga monkeys got together, they tried to hang him, so he opted out.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he needs to think of higher-paying jobs like being an art thief or being Beyoncé (he just closed the case himself)

November 2022

“Herschel Walker is running neck and neck with the incumbent Democrat Raphael Warnock in the Georgia Senate runoff. Republicans have been pulling out all the stops and Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham have spent more time with him than he spent with all of his children combined.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Mike Lindell, the MyPillow chief who has thrown his tin foil hat into the ring to become the new head of the RNC but who has the tendency to make big announcements that never pan out. You do have to admire his crack-headed optimism, but he is being sued for $1.3 Billion by Dominion and is almost certainly gonna lose so he needs to think of higher-paying jobs like being an art thief or being Beyoncé.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump is bigly upset about the investigation into classified documents he took and his part in the January 6th insurrection and is blaming special counsel Jack Smith in a recent online rant. In the same rant, though, he also admitted to taking the documents ‘openly and transparently’. This isn’t a defense, it’s a confession, and maybe we don’t need a special counsel – he just closed the case himself.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For many of them, it will be, ‘he’s my dad!’ (which explains why Melania will live forever)

November 2022

“We all can breath a sigh of relief at the news that Democrats would keep control of the Senate following Catherine Cortez Masto’s victory in Nevada. Ah, turns out that ‘red wave’ was actually a blue splash, just as the maxi pad commercials foretold. Cortez Masto’s win means the Georgia runoff election will not determine control of the Senate, so Georgians will have to come up with a new reason to vote for Herschel Walker. For many of them, it will be, ‘he’s my dad!’” —Stephen Colbert

“After a disappointing midterms performance, Republicans are rolling up their sleeves and coming together to pick a scapegoat and hurl them down an elevator shaft. Right now, knives are out for Senate minority leader and clinically depressed pudding Mitch McConnell and the Florida senator Rick Scott. Republican candidates are mad at McConnell for not telling the voters what the GOP would do if they got control of the Senate. And they’re madder at Rick Scott for telling voters what they would do if they got control of the Senate. Specifically, Scott discussed cutting social security and Medicare, which probably scared older voters. Most shocking of all, some of the GOP blame is going to the person who actually deserves it. That would be Donald Trump, whom one Republican strategist blamed for picking conspiracists to run for office, saying: ‘The MyPillow-ization of the GOP has been a disaster.’ To which Mike Lindell responded: use promo code ‘GOP-Disaster for 20% your next pillow sham!” —Stephen Colbert

“It was an emotional weekend for Trump, because he gave away a daughter and the Senate on the same night. Many of the candidates Trump endorsed wound up losing. Everything Trump touches dies, which explains why Melania will live forever.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I look like Gigi freaking Hadid over here! (He would’ve humped a hole right through his MyPillow)

September 2022

“There is a video which appeared to show GOP election officials in Coffee county, Georgia, allowing men hired by Trump lawyer and election denier Sidney Powell to tour election headquarters. I know we do this every day, but just stop for a moment and imagine that video had been a group of Joe Biden operatives breaching election security, going into areas they’re not supposed to be, and then physically opening and manipulating the voting equipment itself. Imagine what the reaction in Magaland would be – Mike Lindell would’ve humped a hole right through his MyPillow.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The Chief Operating Officer of Beyond Meat was just arrested for a really strange reason. He is facing charges for biting a man’s nose after a football game in Arkansas. And in a blind taste test, he said he couldn’t tell the difference between a nose and a Beyond Meat nose.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I heard that the latest Gen Z fashion trend is wearing jeans with a button undone. Which means after Thanksgiving dinner, every uncle is going to be like, ‘Oh, I look like Gigi freaking Hadid over here!’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm going on a fancy plane ride tomorrow, wanna pay for it? (And for that, I commend them)

“There are numerous sprawling investigations into Donald Trump, including evidence that his 2020 election defense fund actually financed dozens of rallies, staff salaries and travel expenses. Although let me stress: I think most people who would donate money to Trump would do it no matter what he said it was for. I don’t know why he opened himself up to criminal liability by lying and saying it was for a legal fund, when he could’ve just raised as much from telling his supporters, ‘I’m upset, and the only thing that cheers me up is money.’ Or, ‘going on a fancy plane ride tomorrow, wanna pay for it?’” —Seth Meyers

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell’s phone was seized by the FBI at a Hardee’s drive-thru in Mankato, Minnesota. I have so many questions about this. Was the FBI following him? Or did they just say, you know what, eventually he’s going to go to Hardee’s, we’ll just wait here. I have a feeling the FBI followed him around for a few days and finally stopped him in the place that would make the funniest headline, which was Hardee’s. And for that, I commend them.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like if I find out my parents were doing this year’s Thanksgiving show with James Corden (Accomplices)

June 2022

The House select committee investigating the Capitol attack on 6 January 2021 resumed public hearings on Thursday afternoon, and Seth Meyers homed in on a particularly shocking section: evidence that Ginni Thomas, wife of the supreme court justice Clarence Thomas, frequently corresponded with John Eastman, the Trump lawyer who orchestrated a plan for Mike Pence to decertify the 2020 election. The spouse of a sitting supreme court justice was apparently in direct communication with a key figure in the planning of a coup. That seems like a pretty clear conflict of interest. It’s like if I find out my parents were doing this year’s Thanksgiving show with James Corden.” —Seth Meyers

The committee also presented evidence that Ginni Thomas was in consistent contact with the then White House chief of staff, Mark Meadows, about a bunch of truly insane election fraud theories. Her texts included one in which she claimed a group of co-conspirators, including the ‘Biden crime family, elected officials, social media censorship-mongers’ and others were being arrested and would soon be ‘living in barges off Gitmo [Guantánamo Bay] to face military tribunals for sedition’. Whoa! Those texts make Mike Lindell sound like a levelheaded businessman. I know those texts all sound insane to you. But it’s important to remember: they really are fucking insane.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I could only hear my own thoughts in the voice of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell (That’s where we’re at now)

November 2021

“Republicans and Fox News pundits are misleading Americans on the state of the economy. These people are willing to lie so brazenly and shamelessly about anything. There’s no doubt that there are serious issues, between inflation and the supply chain crisis, but last night Fox host Laura Ingraham tried to compare the economic records of Trump and Biden in the most deceptive way possible with a graphic that blamed Biden for the fact that 3 million fewer Americans were working in October 2021 compared with when Trump was president in December 2019. Huh, I can’t remember, did anything major happen between those two numbers? I’m sorry if I was a little foggy, I was trapped in an attic for a few months wiping down doorknobs with Lysol and hoarding the last scraps of toilet paper I could buy off the black market while slowly descending into a madness so fully encompassing that for long stretches of time, I could only hear my own thoughts in the voice of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.” —Seth Meyers

“Not only are Republicans and Fox News lying about the economy, they’re also so fundamentally opposed to addressing those issues or even having a functioning government that they’re now threatening to purge any members from their ranks who voted for Biden’s infrastructure bill. Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, for example, called the 13 representatives who voted for the bill ‘traitors’, while the former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows said they should be stripped of their committee assignments. That’s where we’re at now, keeping roads and bridges from falling apart is considered giving Democrats a win, instead of something good for the country.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To Kill a Mockingbird by Giving It Medical Advice from Facebook (telling lies next to a dildo shop)

August 2021

“This week, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell held a livestreamed cybersymposium, for which he hired a cyber expert ‘red team’ and gave them what he said was 37 terabytes of irrefutable evidence that hackers broke into election systems using intercepted ‘packet captures.’ ‘Packet captures,’ of course, is a technical term that you might know by their street name, ‘pillow cases.’” —Stephen Colbert

“On top of that, Rudy Giuliani’s law license in Washington was suspended, and he was suspended from practicing law in New York due to ‘demonstrably false and misleading’ statements about the election — which means he’s cut off from his previous source of income: telling lies next to a dildo shop.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, when it comes to Covid, the news should be R-rated for ‘Are we ever going to get out of this? Coronavirus case numbers have risen dramatically in the south, a region with some of the lowest vaccination rates in the country. You can read all about it in the classic southern novel To Kill a Mockingbird by Giving It Medical Advice from Facebook.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I need you to switch who the president is (my new kink)

August 2021

“On Wednesday, a federal judge ruled that Dominion Voting Systems could proceed with its defamation lawsuits against Trump allies Mike Lindell, Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell. OK, so there are only two plausible explanations for what happened here: Either a federal judge appointed by Donald Trump ruled that unfounded claims of election fraud made by three Trump allies were not exempt from defamation laws, or Hugo Chavez teamed up with China and the C.I.A. to use Italian military satellites to hack the judge’s computer and alter his opinion, which was then printed out on paper smuggled in from China covered in bamboo fibers. The only way we can know for sure is if we take the judge’s ruling to a cabin in Montana, examine it under a powerful ultraviolet light, then bury it in the backyard, wait three days and see if it rains.” —Seth Meyers

“Did you see the reaction of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell when he heard the news that the lawsuits against him would proceed? Watching someone get bad news, in real time, at their own symposium is my new kink.” —Seth Meyers

“Honestly, poor cyber experts. You go to school to get a degree in computer science, spend your whole career mastering a highly specialized skill that would be actually very helpful in today’s high-tech economy, and then a psycho pillow magnate hands you what I’m guessing is a garbage bag full of dry cleaning slips and CVS receipts and said, ‘I need you to switch who the president is.’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

any place where you have to keep your voice down is a no-go for him (He’s got resting thrown-out face)

May 2021

“Mike Lindell, the founder and C.E.O. of My Pillow, was refused entry to a meeting of the Republican Governors Association in Nashville this week. Lindell has surely been thrown out of venues before: He’s got resting thrown-out face.” —Seth Meyers

“As a baby, his first words were, ‘But my friends are in there!’” —Seth Meyers

“Bars, libraries, children’s birthday parties — I mean, really, any place where you have to keep your voice down is a no-go for him.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

side by side in a California king surrounded by sacks of goose feathers (on a public access channel and crack)

April 2021

“Mike Lindell, the founder of MyPillow, launched his own social media platform on Monday with a livestream set to last 48 hours. He’s been going nonstop since 7 o’clock this morning. In 17 hours, he’s taken maybe two breaths. At one point he claimed they had 75 million people watching. Even Trump was like, ‘Oh, please, quit exaggerating.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon if Jerry was on a public access channel and crack.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Of course I would have Mike Lindell on our show, under two conditions. Number one, he has to actually come into our studio — I need to see him in person. I want to smell the knackwurst in his mustache. And number two, I would like to conduct our interview in a bed, surrounded by pillows. Just me and Mike snuggled up side by side in a California king surrounded by sacks of goose feathers.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because this guy looks like he hasn’t slept in a year (Nice day for a revolution)

February 2021

“But you see, that’s the power of the courts right there, because Mike Lindell tried to stage a coup and Newsmax was fine with inviting him on. But the second he started saying [expletive] that was going to get them sued, all of a sudden they were like, ‘No, no, no, no, my man. Overthrowing the government is one thing, but a lawsuit? That [expletive]’s serious.’ And keep in mind, this is Newsmax we’re talking about. Remember, Newsmax is like Fox News after it stopped taking its meds. But at least for a minute, Dominion managed to sue them into behaving like actual journalists.” — Trevor Noah

“Yesterday, Lindell went on right-wing, news-free news channel Newsmax, which used to be all-in on the Dominion lie, but since receiving a letter from Dominion’s flesh-eating attorneys, has disavowed that, because according to their statement, ‘We here at Newsmax are committed to keeping some of our money.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Also, I’ve got to ask: Does MyPillow actually work? Because this guy looks like he hasn’t slept in a year.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”