they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation (getting rid of the taste)

Jon Stewart returned to his Monday perch for The Daily Show’s new season amid rampant speculation over the president’s health, after he wasn’t seen in public for several days over Labor Day weekend. “You people, you reporters, have no chill! Guy can’t take a few days for some R&R and a non-surgical breast reduction without everybody suddenly pulling out the toe tags? It does say something about the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don’t hear from him for 20 minutes and we’re like: ‘He’s dead!’ Of course Trump didn’t die in office. But I wouldn’t put it past him, trying once again to take credit for something Biden had already accomplished.” —Jon Stewart

At the US Open tennis match, Trump sat in the Rolex booth – anything with a crown is like catnip to him, he can’t resist it. And once again, all eyes were on his hands. The president’s right hand was obviously plastered with some kind of putty that did not match the color of his skin. Between his face, his neck and his hand, his skin has more colors than a Sherwin-Williams store right now. It’s too bad he hates drag queens, because they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Have you found Jesus? (losing interest at Love-40)

“Yesterday here in New York, President Trump attended the U.S. Open final. Yep, Trump was excited. It was the first time in years he went to court without his lawyers.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, Trump was there as a guest of Rolex and sat in their suite. And this is very nice — they even gave him a special watch with two little hands.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Trump had fun at the match. He said, ‘[imitating Trump] I enjoy Love-15 and Love-30 but started losing interest at Love-40.” — Jimmy Fallon

“This year, Trump’s been to the Super Bowl, the Daytona 500, the World Cup, two UFC fights and a wrestling championship. Eric and Don Jr. were like, ‘Still couldn’t come to one of our Little League games?’” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome aboard! (So, do I get a doubles trophy?)

Fox News announced that Bill O’Reilly has been fired, after his sexual harassment scandal. Experts say it is not likely that any self-respecting network will ever hire him — then CNN said, “Welcome aboard!” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow (So, do I get a doubles trophy?)

I saw that earlier today, Bill O’Reilly actually met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. And when he saw O’Reilly go into confession, the next guy in line said, “You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow.” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

Fox News announced that Bill O’Reilly has been fired, after his sexual harassment scandal. Experts say it is not likely that any self-respecting network will ever hire him — then CNN said, “Welcome aboard!” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That guy's on too many shows (the NRA and deer)

September 2013

"President Obama is going to address the nation on Syria tomorrow night, which means here on NBC 'America's Got Talent' will be delayed by 'America's Got Problems.'" –Jay Leno

"President Obama is talking tough. He said he will not rest until Syrian President Assad's power has been reduced to the point where he's on 'Dancing With the Stars.'" –Jay Leno

"Serena Williams won her 17th Grand Slam title at the U.S. Open. I haven't seen that many Grand Slams since Chris Christie went out to Denny's with me the other night." –Jimmy Fallon 

"President Obama did six TV interviews today to explain his decision to strike Syria. Yeah, six. Even Ryan Seacrest was like, 'That guy's on too many shows.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Officials in Iowa are facing criticism over a new law that lets blind people own guns. The law has actually received support from two major groups: the NRA and deer." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's just new at this... (covfefe language)

Yesterday, Rafael Nadal won the French Open and became the first man to win 10 titles at any major tournament. When asked what his secret is, he said, “Not having to play Serena Williams.” –Jimmy Fallon

First lady Melania Trump has officially, as of today, moved into the White House. In a related story, Donald Trump just moved from the Lincoln Bedroom to the Lincoln Couch. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that President Trump is so worried about protests that he is postponing his upcoming trip to England. Trump is also worried he doesn’t have time to learn the language. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” (giant flag made out of wrenches)

President Trump gave a speech in Wisconsin yesterday — he actually spoke in front of a giant flag made out of wrenches. When he heard he’d be speaking in front of a bunch of tools, he said, “My Cabinet’s gonna be there?” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants. Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: dreadlock soldiers/triplets/Iraqalypse Now

Adele won five Grammys while Beyoncé only won two. And if that weren’t enough, Adele then announced she was pregnant with triplets. –Conan O’Brien

Scientists are hoping to use quinoa to fight world hunger. After hearing this, hungry people all around the world said, “Actually, we’re good.” –Conan O’Brien

At an international tennis match, U.S. officials accidentally played the Nazi national anthem. White House adviser Steve Bannon was outraged and said, “We’re not rolling that out till August — c’mon!” –Conan O’Brien

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html