your rulers are afraid of you (old enough percent)

"A new study shows that despite previous estimates there are only

2 million rats living in New York City. I guess the other 10 million

are commuting from New Jersey." –Seth Meyers

According to a national poll, only 16 percent of Americans believe that Republican Alabama candidate Roy Moore should stay in the Senate race following allegations of sexual misconduct with teenagers. 16 percent, or as Moore calls it, “old enough percent.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And if you’re a congressman who has to ask if you’re on it — you’re on it (It's just like the original except...)

And finally, I saw that Monopoly just released a new version of their game called Monopoly for Millennials. It's just like the original except everyone starts with $60,000 of college debt. --Jimmy Fallon

Another big story right now is this Roy Moore scandal. And get this — there’s apparently a “creep list” of men in Congress known for inappropriate sexual behavior. And if you’re a congressman who has to ask if you’re on it — you’re on it. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They don’t even teach biology because it has a bi in it (God's sitting on his couch watching Netflix right now)

Vice President Mike Pence’s wife Karen has a part-time job. She has taken a part-time job as an art teacher at a school that bans gay and lesbian teachers, for real. It’s called Emmanuel Christian School. The agreement says they will refuse enrollment to those who engage in homosexual behavior. They don’t even teach biology because it has a bi in it. --Jimmy Kimmel

Not only didn't Roy Moore concede, as of tonight he still hasn't conceded. He said God will decide when it's over. Guess what. God decided. It's over. God went home. God's sitting on his couch watching Netflix right now. It's done. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Governor Schwarzenegger is in a bit of a feud with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin right now. They're fighting about global warming. Palin says it isn't proven. Schwarzenegger said she's 'living in the Stone Age.' And Palin really should know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger. This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s part of their “They Deserve Each Other” tour (taste like plumber)

Former White House adviser Steve Bannon is heading to Alabama to campaign for embattled candidate Roy Moore. It’s part of their “They Deserve Each Other” tour. –Conan O’Brien

Nintendo has teamed with Kellogg's to make a Mario Brothers cereal. Kellogg's promises that the Super Mario cereal will “taste like plumber.” –Conan O’Brien

Two properties associated with Donald Trump have decided to remove his name from their building. Sadly, neither one is the White House. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Back then I was into older women (You’re Dead to Me Tour)

According to a new poll, only 19% of New Jersey residents approve of their governor, Chris Christie. And they’re all restaurant owners. –Conan O’Brien

This week, Donald Trump is going to North Carolina, Iowa, and Michigan — all states that voted for him — for his “Thank You” tour. Then, he comes here to California for the “You’re Dead to Me” tour. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, another woman came forward with proof from the 1980s that Roy Moore pursued her when she was 17. Moore said, "What can I say? Back then I was into older women." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just wish they'd been Teen Choice Awards (Guinness will have it all by Monday)

Ireland will be collecting $15 billion from Apple in a settlement over back taxes. Ireland will receive the money on Friday, and Guinness will have it all by Monday. –Conan O’Brien

In an interview, Senate candidate Roy Moore's spokesperson said his accusers gave "Academy Award performances." Then Moore interrupted and said, "I just wish they'd been Teen Choice Awards." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if you’re a congressman who has to ask if you’re on it — you’re on it (creep list)

Last night was the Christmas tree lighting in Rockefeller Center. Did you see that? It was beautiful. And this year's tree has over 50,000 lights, which explains why NBC just told me I can't use a hair dryer for the next month. --Jimmy Fallon

It's big news. Michael Cohen was one of Trump's closest allies, and now he's working with Robert Mueller. I'm not saying Trump's running out of friends, but today he asked Rosie O'Donnell if she wanted to get lunch. --Jimmy Fallon

Another big story right now is this Roy Moore scandal. And get this — there’s apparently a “creep list” of men in Congress known for inappropriate sexual behavior. And if you’re a congressman who has to ask if you’re on it — you’re on it. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

What you hope for. What they mean. (I dare him to come to India and say that to my face)

In an interview, Senate candidate Roy Moore's spokesperson said his accusers gave "Academy Award performances." Then Moore interrupted and said, "I just wish they'd been Teen Choice Awards." –Conan O’Brien

Today, President Trump signed an executive order authorizing the building of the border wall. It’s guaranteed to keep out all Mexicans unless they get their hands on a ladder or a shovel. –Conan O’Brien

"Barack Obama called Mitt Romney a pioneer of outsourcing jobs. A spokesperson for Romney said, 'I dare him to come to India and say that to my face.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba (I guess when your fingers are covered in dippin’ sauce that happens)

“Donald Trump gets a lot wrong, but he outdid himself today. Today, he became the first president of the United States ever to misspell his own name. How could Trump misspell his own name when it’s on his buildings, his golf courses, his vodka, his water and all the casinos he bankrupted? It’s everywhere. Donald ‘Ttump’? I guess when your fingers are covered in dippin’ sauce that happens.” --Jimmy Kimmel, on the president misspelling his own name during a tweet (Trump spelled his last name Ttump)

"The United States' credit rating was downgraded to AA+. Am I the only one who thinks that doesn't sound so bad?" –Jimmy Kimmel

Meanwhile, Roy Moore, you know Roy Moore — the leather-vested loser in the race for Senate in Alabama? Still hasn’t conceded the election. Even though he lost. Not only has he not conceded, he released a YouTube video bemoaning the fact that immorality is sweeping the land. If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This is the worst matchup for an interview since they sent that honey glazed ham to interview Chris Christie (placebo group)

Last night, the Federal Election Commission announced how

much cash each campaign has on hand. And Hillary Clinton is

burying Donald Trump $42 million to $1.3 million. I always

knew those huge skyscrapers were overcompensating for

something in his pants. I just never imagined it was his

wallet. –Stephen Colbert

Roy Moore's campaign just got worse because yesterday we found out that a pro-Trump group sent a 12 year old girl to interview Moore. This is the worst matchup for an interview since they sent that honey glazed ham to interview Chris Christie. –Stephen Colbert

"If you are a multimillionaire entertainer supporting the candidacy of a wealthy financier from Massachusetts, you might no longer be a redneck." –Stephen Colbert on Jeff Foxworthy campaigning with Mitt Romney

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If it weren’t my dinner, perhaps I’d be dating it (and I don’t want to eat the troops)

When Trump saw the Thanksgiving turkeys he said, “I’ve never seen such a beautiful turkey. Yes, it’s so beautiful. If it weren’t my dinner, perhaps I’d be dating it.” --Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump also took a shot at Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake. Flake was caught on camera dissing his own party, saying, “If we become the party of Roy Moore and Donald Trump, we are toast.” Sen. Flake, that’s a little too hard on toast. –Stephen Colbert

Trump was asked why he hasn’t visited our troops serving in war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan in the two years he’s been in office. “There are things that are planned but I can’t talk about them, because I don’t know what they are. And when they try and explain them to me I get bored. And when I’m bored, I get angry. And when I get angry, I get hungry. And when I’m hungry, everybody I look at begins to look like a chicken, and I don’t want to eat the troops.” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The new CEO’s head is being snapped on as we speak (In other words, he’s got my full support)

Dick Cheney said Donald Trump’s comments yesterday

go against everything America stands for. Cheney said,

"In other words, he’s got my full support."

–Conan O’Brien

The CEO of Lego will be replaced next year.

The new CEO’s head is being snapped on as

we speak. –Conan O’Brien

A spokeswoman for Roy Moore has defended him,

saying there are plenty of women in Alabama that he

didn’t sexually abuse. She said, "We prefer to look at

the glass as 'half-ungroped.'" –Conan O’Brien

According to a new poll, only 19% of New Jersey

residents approve of their governor, Chris Christie.

And they’re all restaurant owners. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sorry, um, even I forgot I was here (unbelievably without stopping to have sex once)

A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers

Failed Alabama Senate candidate Judge Roy Moore has announced he will run again in 2020. He also has to announce if he moves into your neighborhood. --Seth Meyers

Former Representative John Delaney appeared confused when he was the first candidate asked to give a closing statement. Said Delaney, "Sorry, um, even I forgot I was here." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's the best thing to happen to Alabama since not electing Roy Moore (That's two in a row!)

Congratulations to the Alabama Crimson Tide, who, last night, beat the Georgia Bulldogs to win the college football championship. It's the best thing to happen to Alabama since not electing Roy Moore. Good for you! That's two in a row! --Stephen Colbert

Today, President Trump held a bipartisan meeting on immigration reform, focused mainly on reforming our policy of having immigrants. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I'm just happy to say the words "Alabama" and "13" and not be talking about Roy Moore

President Trump was asked about Oprah running for president, and he said that he would defeat her. But then another guy said, (PUTIN) "Donald, there is only so much I can do for you. I mean, it's OPRAH!" --Jimmy Fallon

Trump invited the press to an immigration meeting at the White House. He let them stick around for about an hour. They said, "This is the longest we've ever stayed here!" And Trump said, "Me, too!" --Jimmy Fallon

Congratulations to Alabama, who overcame a 13-point deficit to win the College Football National Championship! Man, I'm just happy to say the words "Alabama" and "13" and not be talking about Roy Moore. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He hasn't seen a freshman scramble like that since Roy Moore visited a local high school (Lip-Sync Battle)

The Alabama Crimson Tide rallied from, I think, 13 points to beat Georgia in overtime to win their fifth national title in nine years. [shows clip of winning touchdown] The kid who threw that pass is the backup quarterback. His name is Tua Tagovailoa, I believe. What a game he had. The state of Alabama hasn't seen a freshman scramble like that since Roy Moore visited a local high school. --Jimmy Kimmel

Tickets for the game last night were at a minimum of $2,000. But, as part of that price you got to see President Trump try to sing our national anthem. It appears he might not know all the words to his anthem he talks about so much. [shows clip of Trump appearing to fumble lyrics] Yeah, no way he wins “Lip-Sync Battle” with a performance like that. --Jimmy Kimmel

The only part of the song he remembers is "red glare," because that's also the shade of the fake tanner he uses. --Jimmy Kimmel

Trump did not seem to know all the words to the national anthem. But there might be a good explanation for it. You know how the president keeps telling us he's a genius? Well, it turns out he isn't. I know, I was surprised, too. --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

If immorality is sweeping the land (It’s expected to be the No. 1 movie with a colon in the title)

Meanwhile, Roy Moore, you know Roy Moore — the leather-vested loser in the race for Senate in Alabama? Still hasn’t conceded the election. Even though he lost. Not only has he not conceded, he released a YouTube video bemoaning the fact that immorality is sweeping the land. If immorality is sweeping the land, you, my friend, are a Roomba. –Jimmy Kimmel

The new Star Wars movie has finally arrived. “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” opened in theaters tonight. I feel we need more time between the Star Wars movies. As soon as you come out of the theater you have to get in line for the next one. It’s expected to be the No. 1 movie with a colon in the title at the box office this weekend. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." (Hindsight is 2020)

I'm a little shaky tonight because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls "hope." I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I haven't been saying that word that much this year because it's been a rough year. –Stephen Colbert

We have been buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, Roy Moore lost to Doug Jones in Alabama. –Stephen Colbert

Jones is the first Democrat to win an Alabama Senate seat in 25 years – so a quarter of a century. The last time Alabama elected a Democratic senator, the biggest movie was "Aladdin," or, as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." –Stephen Colbert

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

we'll never forget all the people he touched (32 people approve)

Roy Moore may have lost last night's election, but we'll never forget all the people he touched. –Seth Meyers

Republican Roy Moore did not concede last night's special Senate election in Alabama, telling his supporters, quote, "God is always in control." Unless Moore's on his horse, in which case no one's in control. –Seth Meyers

According to a new Monmouth University poll, only 32 percent of people approve of the job President Trump is doing. Oh, wait. Oh, I'm sorry. I read that wrong. Only 32 people approve of the job President Trump is doing. –Seth Meyers

   

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans