The way it works is you scream about how much you want it, and your parents never provide the funding (somebody prank-called Doug Jones)

Alabama Senator-elect Doug Jones said yesterday President Trump called him and was very gracious while congratulating him on his win. That story again, somebody prank-called Doug Jones. –Seth Meyers

A toy company has announced that it will begin selling a Lego-inspired kit for kids called MAGA Build the Wall. The way it works is you scream about how much you want it, and your parents never provide the funding. --Seth Meyers

RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said today that the media is unfairly fixating on Dr. Ben Carson. And Ben Carson said that Reince Priebus is a condition that can result in blindness if left untreated. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

now we only have about $300 left to make the next Star Wars movie (somebody prank-called Doug Jones)

The big news in show business is that Disney is buying Fox — or most of Fox. Disney, the company that owns our network, ABC, is buying 21st Century Fox for more than $60 billion. Bad news, now we only have about $300 left to make the next Star Wars movie. –Jimmy Kimmel

Alabama Senator-elect Doug Jones said yesterday President Trump called him and was very gracious while congratulating him on his win. That story again, somebody prank-called Doug Jones. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." (Hindsight is 2020)

I'm a little shaky tonight because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls "hope." I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. I haven't been saying that word that much this year because it's been a rough year. –Stephen Colbert

We have been buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, Roy Moore lost to Doug Jones in Alabama. –Stephen Colbert

Jones is the first Democrat to win an Alabama Senate seat in 25 years – so a quarter of a century. The last time Alabama elected a Democratic senator, the biggest movie was "Aladdin," or, as Roy Moore calls it, "the perfect date movie." –Stephen Colbert

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

hiding from shopping mall security guards (The same way his horse did)

The big news was last night Democrat Doug Jones defeating controversial Republican candidate Roy Moore. Now, he lost, but on the bright side, Roy Moore can now focus his energies on his real passion – hiding from shopping mall security guards. –James Corden

This is really historic because it's the first time in 25 years that a Democrat has been elected senator in Alabama. Now, to give you an idea of how long ago it was, Roy Moore was dating girls back then who are now in their 30s. –James Corden

This election just totally got away from Roy Moore. The same way his horse did. –James Corden

It was revealed that Omarosa, former apprentice contestant and recent White House aide, has been fired. Omarosa is out of a job. So now she'll be doing, well, pretty much the same thing she was doing at the White House. Absolutely nothing. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Wow! What an upset! (But to be fair, it WAS a school night)

Last night Doug Jones pulled off a shocking win over Roy Moore to become senator of Alabama. You know it's been a crazy year when an alleged pedophile loses a Senate race, and we're all like, "Wow! What an upset!" –Jimmy Fallon

Roy Moore became the first Republican to lose an Alabama Senate race in 25 years. It was so embarrassing, his horse went home in an Uber. –Jimmy Fallon

As the results came in, reporters said it was very quiet at Moore's campaign headquarters. But to be fair, it WAS a school night. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the other 20 percent are missing (not allowed at parties)

The Alabama special election for the Senate is tomorrow between Doug Jones of the Democratic Party, and Roy Moore who is not allowed at parties. –Seth Meyers

The New York Times also said there is a rule in the White House that no one is allowed to touch the TV remote except President Trump, and the technical support staff, and I know that sounds insane, but, remember, that’s literally the only rule. –Seth Meyers

According to a Gallup poll, 80 percent of Russians approve of Vladimir Putin’s leadership, while the other 20 percent are missing. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the one thing that's not going to change your mind is a phone call from Barack Obama

    

Has everyone been following this big Senate race in Alabama involving Roy Moore and all of the allegations against him? Well, the election is tomorrow and the race is so tight that Barack Obama has been making robo-calls in favor of the Democratic candidate Doug Jones. I don't want to be pessimistic, but if you're a Republican in Alabama voting for Roy Moore, the one thing that's not going to change your mind is a phone call from Barack Obama. –James Corden

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Honey, what do you think? (Fallujah or Cedar Rapids?)

"Presidential candidate Mitt Romney was asked to explain why none of his five sons are in the military and he said that his sons demonstrate their patriotism by going on the road and campaigning for him. Now there's a tough choice: Iraq, or Iowa?? "Fallujah or Cedar Rapids? Honey, what do you think?" --Jay Leno

"It was this week in 1974 that Richard Nixon resigned the presidency after getting caught lying and violating the Constitution. Remember when that kind of thing used to get you kicked out of office?" --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans